04.09.12 [104] Give me everything you’ve got now, I don’t feel a single thing.

04.09.12

 
Music/title: Night Drive; Jimmy Eat World
_ _
 
 
This picture pretty accurately describes how I’ve been feeling lately.
 
I just want to feel something besides this sinking feeling in my chest. And the way I’ve decided, it seems, to get rid of that is by fooling around with as many people that will have me. It doesn’t really matter who, as long as I like them as a person.
 
I have a constant feeling that I’m looking for something in this. I’m not sure what.
 
There was a girl three years ago that came through my line at the grocery store. She was crying. Very obviously holding herself together by a thread as she stood in my line and handed me her money. I still think about her and wonder what could have made her so sad. And I get so annoyed with myself for not asking or saying anything just because I was busy.
 
If I could go back to that moment I’d hug her. I’d ignore the five other people in line, walk around my register, and hug her. I’d show her that the world consists of more than assholes trying to crush the life out of you.
 
 
. . . .
 
I’d like to become a whole person now, please?
 

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