04.29.12 [124] If I can pretend, I don’t depend. I can deny, deny denial.

Music/title: Invisible Monsters; Motion City Soundtrack
_ _
I should be sleeping, but I’m not. No Jenny tonight. Instead I went to a couple of somewhat odd/awesome bars in Flint with Jesse and friends. Didn’t enjoy myself as much as I would’ve with Jenny, but it was a different kind of fun. And Jenny will most likely happen Wednesday night, so I’m satisfied. ::smiles::
I don’t really understand any of this anymore. I feel like I’m burying myself in things until there’s no room left to breathe. But I don’t want to breathe. I don’t need air. I need to suffocate myself in people and friends and all the things that I’ve missed out on. I need to feel like I’m actually living.
I haven’t thought about Warren in so long. I don’t mean just the occasional thought or mention of him in conversation. I mean really thought about him.
Does this mean I’m doing well with the breakup? Or really badly? Why did I just suddenly stop being devastated? It was four years, and I suddenly don’t care anymore?
This is how Erica always ended relationships. Maybe it’s what works.
I really should be sleeping now.

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