04.18.15 [30/52] Now that we’re lonely, Now that there’s nowhere to go… ( we lost faith, in the arms of love )

04.12.15 -5
Music/title: The Wolves; Ben Howard
_ _


Wash.. Rinse.. Repeat..
And out of the depression we come.

. … …


I still fight the urges.
Those tiny prickling sensations when we’re just close enough..
I feel my lungs slow; my heart speed up..
And I want to scream- To get as far away from it as I possibly can.
I want to go back to when I never wanted it.
To when you didn’t want it.
To when my own body didn’t betray me so much-
You say you’d love me regardless..
But what if I don’t? ..What if I never forgive myself for it?
. …. …

Sometimes I want the pain; all the awful memories…
To remember how wonderful everything is going to be now.


And, sometimes.. Sometimes I want those tiny, prickling sensations too.


/ / /

And here we are again..

8 thoughts on “04.18.15 [30/52] Now that we’re lonely, Now that there’s nowhere to go… ( we lost faith, in the arms of love )

  1. You have a way with painting glimpses of things that make them so personal yet so universal. I, too, still fight those urges, and battle with the betrayal of my own mind and emotions as they cling to the very things I struggle to rip free from myself. And yet I crave their caustic fury…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ahhh.. You’ve figured me out! lol. Fur-serious, though. I think I developed that when I was trying to talk about certain people or things that I didn’t want others reading or figuring out. And then it just kind of grew into something more from there. If you ask really nicely, I’ll tell you what this was really about for me.. ::winks::

      Liked by 1 person

      • Purdy please?? *puppy dog eyes*

        I bet it is nothing like my interpretation…which is what makes great art so great! The universality of it, the scope of subjective possibility…but I would LOVE to know where this really came from for you. :)

        Liked by 1 person

        • That’s why I ask!
          Personally, for myself, I don’t like to spoil art in such ways. Well, most the time. Like with new music. I will refuse to watch the music video for a song, until the song’s image I’VE perceived is perfectly stable in my mind. Sometimes, of course, my curiosity gets the better of me. ::smiles::

          “Wash.. Rinse.. Repeat..
          And out of the depression we come.”

          This bit, as well as the idea for the photo, were a follow up to the depression post you re-blogged of mine. I’d been feeling down, and was on my way back up, wanting to display this as such.

          The rest is describing my thoughts on having and wanting to have children. For so long in my life I have been against it, and wanting nothing even close to the matter. As did my fiance. It was a mutual love and agreement we had when we started dating- No children. Ever.

          But being a female, we tend to have these biological clocks. And they tick. And the more you love a person, and the closer you get to them.. The louder and more persistent they are. Here I am trying to describe the feelings of betrayal I have against myself, while trying to explain how fulfilled and excited the idea of having children now feels to me. I try to fight the desire in wanting them, and sometimes I win- But most of the time my body catches up and gets the better of me. He has stated that yes, he now wants them too. But that he would love me all the same with or without them- Telling me it is a choice all my own.

          This post is my escape from depression, and the battle with my own biological clock. ::smiles::


          • How very interesting! Those damn biological clocks! ;) The human body certainly is a devilish trickster, in so many ways. Thanks for sharing such a personal thing with me, I feel honored! And a little *aww-shucks* that you would give me any credit for even a small amount of ease in your depression. Seriously, I’m grinning like a big, soft, bearded idiot right now!

            I will say that the way I first identified with the piece is fairly different from your actual intent/inspiration. But I think that’s part of your gift, the way you express yourself on your blog. The things you post are so intensely personal to you, and I’m sure you get a bit of cathartic release from sharing yourself in your work so publicly. But you also present your art in such a way that it can mean so many things, can be something completely different yet intensely personal to someone else.

            Damn…too gushy of me?! Hahaha, what can I say, I dig what you do. :)

            Liked by 1 person

            • Thank you for such a high compliment! ::beams::
              I always aim for that- Being able to tell my story in such a way that anyone can relate. That’s what music does for us, doesn’t it? We listen to someone else’s story, and make it our own… Part of the reason I love music the way I do. And yes, it is a release for me. Quite a big one. I stopped blogging for a long time, and honestly that ITSELF got depressing.

              It’s not something I need to do every single week, but when I need it, I really, really need it, ya know?

              And nope! Not too gushy in the slightest! ;D
              I dig that you dig it. ::smiles::


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