But it’s collisions we need to remind us that we’re alive…

011
Music/title: This Ain’t No Place For Animals; Hands Like Houses
_ _

 

“Tear back the skin to find,
to chase a pulse back home.”

.. . …

 

[ Life is just so goddamn hard… Every time I get to the good parts, it feels like something else takes them away. I feel one day I won’t be able to handle anything else, and that I’ll just break down. ]

 
“Then I will pick your pieces back up and put you back together.
Because I will never let you give up.  And even if you can’t believe in yourself,
I will make you believe in the me that believes in you.”

 

/ / /

 
And we still know nothing…

And I’ve fallen for you… (You’re nothing, you’re nothing)

03.12.16 -0
Music/title: Let’s Fall In Love Some More; Al Bairre
_ _

 

“…You’re nothing like me.”

. . … .

 

You are right.
You were there with me through a lot of fucked up shit- But we are separate people.
With separate interests.
And despite how much you love me,
I don’t think you really like me as a person.

You don’t like any of the people I am friends with.
Or the people I date.
Or the choices I make in life-
What is left but the bond from being held hostage together?

I stopped talking to you years ago.
You are the one that wanted to start this again, if you remember.
 

So maybe it’s better this way after all…

 

/ / /

 
Forever, and not at all..

You know it makes my heart beat… … .. (Are you ready for it?)

02.13.16 -1
Music/title: Happy Up Here (Boys Noize Remix); Röyksopp
_ _

 

“My favorite record is playing again..”

. . . .. .

 

Sometimes I think of you.
I think of how it was, and how it could’ve been..
( …Wondering if you still visit? )

I often find myself wishing circumstances were different,
But we both know that can never be.

 

….Here’s to hoping hatred outlasts everything else.

 

/ / /

 
You know I really like it.

And she runs, and she waits… ( And I wait )

01.23.16 -1
Music/title: Tyler; The Toadies
_ _

 

“I will be with her tonight!”

. .. . ..

 

I thought I was so, so sure of it all..
Is it actually necessary to go through every single desire?
…Will this achieve my sense of self-fulfillment?

I’d like to think not….

. .. . ..

 
“I gave up that life for her.”

Maybe this is what he meant.
I thought finding someone to embrace that life was all that mattered…
And then I thought differently.   I thought I was wrong.

 

….I fucking hope I haven’t been right from the start.

 

/ / /

 
I hear the fear in her voice…

Another day, another door, Another high, another low… (Rock bottom, rock bottom, rock bottom!)


Music/title: Roots; Imagine Dragons
_ _

 

“I’m going back to my roots.”

. .. …

 

Perhaps this is how it’s meant to end..
Maybe that’s just it– Maybe we’re never really meant to know the outcome
our Oh-so-Irreverent choices lead us to believe we’re dealt.
My choices?  …..I fucking hate them.

Just like every other human on the planet-
I want my life simple.  Complete.
We want this cookie cutter lifestyle, but here we always are…
Dealing ourselves another round of cards, when the game is over and lost.

 

Do we ever really quit?
Is there ever really an “end game” like they lead us to believe?

 

Heh.

 

 

I s’pose here’s to finding out….

/ / /

 

Written near the end of last year, but god be damned- I couldn’t end my project on such a depressing note…
So here we are.   Updated blog, with non-uplifting thoughts.

 

More to come. ::smiles::

 

And forgive me love for wanting you… (Oh you, oh you…..)

002
Music/title: All Choked Up; Say Anything
_ _

 

“Oh can you see me now?”

. .. ….

 

I felt the anger, the frustration all bubbling up inside me.
But there you lay- So small…  So caught up in fighting your inner demons.
I felt it all melting.  Felt the tiny strings of my heart pulling tight with each thought….
Fucking worthless- Piece of insignificant shit.  …How could you?! 

I closed my eyes, pressing my head against yours..
My hands clutched at the base of your neck.
I let my lips find you.
I felt your apathy.  Your hatred.  And I felt every demon.
…I kissed you again.  And again… I felt your seclusion falling away,
And I felt you kiss me back…

 

Is this what it means?
To so strongly love that you cease your own emotions…