But you held your course to some distant war, in the corners of your mind…


Music/title: Angela; The Lumineers
_ _

 

“Let the exits pass, all the tar and glass-
‘Til the road and sky align.”

. . .

 

I just need to catch my breath,
then everything will be okay, right?

. .
 

The dark parts of my brain are seeping through.

[ But you did it- you’re FREE. ]

.
 

Is that so?
I claim the void is supposed to be empty,

 

So why can’t I stop trying to fill it?
 

Remember last year when you told me, to always stay here and never leave me.. (The light from your eyes made it feel like we-e-e-e were dancing in the moonlight)


Music/title: Moonlight; Grace Vanderwaal
_ _

 

“These will be a life long stories.”

. . …

 

Four days and counting.
If you could see me now..

My life- In boxes again.
But this time I am making a home for myself.
I am creating everything that you took from me.

I am in control.

 

And you won’t ever take it from me again.
 

Daddy, I don’t wanna grow up anyway- Grown ups are all sad… (Doesn’t matter where I come from anyway)


Music/title: #Grownupz; FEiN
_ _

 

“I’ll grow up and get sad.”

. …. .

 

If only I’d known…
 

I think of where I’ve come, and what I’ve done in my life-
As a child others would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I imagine most children aspire to make a difference; a change in the world.

Not me.

All I saw in my life was the horror of being locked in that house.
No friends. No family. No escape.
I would think, ‘Why would I want these complicated things they desire?’
For me, the common dreams were beyond grasp.
But, more than that-
I didn’t feel the hunger for them.

What did I want out of my life?
What were my dreams?

.

[ I suppose..
…Someone to love me. Someone *I* can love!
Someone that won’t hurt me the way everyone else does.. And… A home.

Something the complete opposite of now!
A place of my own to spend time with the person I love..
]

Almost two decades later…
People ask me if I’m excited to be purchasing my first home..

 

If only they knew.

/ / /

 
It keeps me jump jump jumpin’ and-ah..

[04/05] Forget my jealously, you swallowed the demons on your own. There’s nothing left for me… (Where did I go wrong?)

06.09.16 -3
Music/title: We Own The Night; Dance Gavin Dance
_ _

 

“Just fake it through the day,
And the night is your god.”

.. .. .

 

[ Is this what you wanted?
..Do you feel better now?!
Were you ever really happy to begin with?
]

….What happens when the answers are just as hard?

. . .

 

“Do it again, do it again, do it again, now grow.”

 

[03/05] And I’m gonna have to learn that this love will never be convenient, convenient… (Oh, convenient)

06.09.16 -2
Music/title: Tattooed Tears; The Front Bottoms
_ _

 

I hear her whisper,
“All I want is to want nothing.”

.. . ..

 

You wanted me to want it for so long.
Your dream- Your idea of ‘perfect beauty’ all wrapped up in a singular, well-formed package.
And then suddenly the dream is a forced reality.
And my formerly structured self perspective falls to pieces within my own hands.
 

You say, “No, that’s not right.”
It wasn’t supposed to happen this way…
Yeah, well-

“You can’t teach God anything.”

 

 

And I can’t tell you the reality brings my confidence to tears….
 

/ / /

 
There is no music when we kiss…