01.27.18 [4/52] ‘Cause we could hold our sights so close, or we could chase our heroes… (And I’ve been here before)

Music/title: Caviar Dreams; Al Bairre (Feat. PHFat)
_ _


“Lead me through your harmony;
We’ll sew this so your soul can breathe…”

.. .. .


It surely is a dream.
Nothing could feel this good.


For the first time in my life it doesn’t hurt.
I’m not inflamed.
It doesn’t itch. Or feel dry.
My skin isn’t covered in sores and blisters from my moments of weakness.
For the first time in my life I feel human.

To think, an eleven year old changed my life.
..What were you doing at eleven?

If you’d told me 15 years ago that I’d have this level of peace with my disease,
I’d say you were fucking nuts.


I wish I could meet Lani Lazzari,
If only to fully explain the life-changing-impact her invention has had on me.


My skin can feel like home.

/ / /

You’d been wading in the deep, dancing through your downfall…

Our house is falling over- Don’t drown me, I’m underwater. Let’s call this whole thing over… (Why are you here?)

Music/title: Just a Like Song; Al Bairre
_ _


“Upside down,
Inside out..
(Anywhere you wanna be)”

. . … .


[ But I’m not qualified for anything. ]

“You’re always saying that.”

[ What am I qualified for then? ]



Good or bad.
Right or wrong.

I hate choice.
I want to be told what to do-
I want subservience;
To be a slave.

– –

But, darling… You wear the mask so well.

/ / /


Disbanded treats.
Thank you, Al Bairre. <3

I fell in love at the open houses, I felt a little bit broken ’bout it. And now I know- You know I’ll follow you but.. (Where do we go from here?)

Music/title: Where Do We Go From Here?; Al Bairre
_ _


“Cause I saw the good and the bad in me,
But never which one I should be.”

. . .. ….. .


Is it real this time?
Am I finally reaching the surface?

A home.
A true home.
It all happened so fast- I was so against it, and then… It clicked; Everything fell into place. And now I can’t imagine anything else. My resolve deteriorates as we speak; My heart beating faster at the idea…

Do you know what this means to me?

No more boxes.
No more unsettled tendencies.


[ Does this mean I will finally feel complete? ]


No, love.
There is no such thing as complete.
Don’t you see?
We are never done,
But.. We are fulfilled.
We are happy,
and happier upon losing the unhappiness.
Don’t you see..?


[ Da, We are to survive.
And this is just the beginning… ]

And I’ve fallen for you… (You’re nothing, you’re nothing)

03.12.16 -0
Music/title: Let’s Fall In Love Some More; Al Bairre
_ _


“…You’re nothing like me.”

. . … .


You are right.
You were there with me through a lot of fucked up shit- But we are separate people.
With separate interests.
And despite how much you love me,
I don’t think you really like me as a person.

You don’t like any of the people I am friends with.
Or the people I date.
Or the choices I make in life-
What is left but the bond from being held hostage together?

I stopped talking to you years ago.
You are the one that wanted to start this again, if you remember.

So maybe it’s better this way after all…


/ / /

Forever, and not at all..

03.21.15 [26/52] Hello there, Dear Nicholas…. ( I’ve hated you since our first kiss )

Music/title: Bungalow; Al Bairre
_ _


“You’ll never understand, I just did it ‘cause I can…”

. .. ..


It was just so damn vivid..

[ Are you still going through with it? ]



. . .


Sometimes I hear her voice-  Playing those same conversations over and over in my head.
Sometimes I imagine smashing her head into the floor- Purely beyond recognition..


[ Still think you’re going through with it? ]


/ / /

I’ve had a little bit too much of her..