Music/title: Young Robot; Dance Gavin Dance
“Feeling like a savage,
You know I gotta have it.”
I thought I would enjoy firing her.
It was so justified, you know?
But here I am.
Drinking with Dance Gavin Dance.. Reminiscing in 2013.
What am I doing?
Two more months.
I can keep it together for two more months. ..Right?
/ / /
It’s been long time coming..
Music/title: I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy; Fall Out Boy
“You can’t cover it up.”
. …. ..
Is it normal to feel this much disappointment?
I mean, I know it’s fairly common, but this is borderline suffocating….
I keep thinking I can hold out. I can make it work!
..Only to be let down once again.
I hate them. ALL of them.
I hope the fucking cunts burn in their sleep.
Maybe I’m just jealous.
Jealous that I am not them.
Jealous that I didn’t stay where I belonged….
…Can I stop being an adult now?
/ / /
It’s so, so fitting…
Music/title: Below; From Indian Lakes
“I am like them,
reaching for anything else.”
. ….. ..
Such a feeble, simple minded piece of human garbage- I truly loathe every fiber of you.
The same could be said for most, I s’pose….
But really- Is it so goddamn hard?!
You truly do create quite the unique hell…
And I can’t wait for the day it finally burns you up for good.
Music/title: Lovely Thing Suite: Knots; Watsky
“To burn, to worship, to mislead…”
… . …. … .
Demanding yet another relentless thud of hatred…
Don’t you love me? ..they say
Don’t you want to join us!? ..they cry
Ungrateful, weak-minded pieces of-
YOU ARE SO FAR FROM REALITY.
Want to know what it’s truly like on the other side?
/ / /
Here’s to coming up from the down-
To life, and the wondrous journey towards our death:
Watsky = x Infinity
Music/title: What’s Up, People?!; Maximum the Hormone
“Is your life boring? (Ikiru imi tsumaran ka?)
Are you trembling with rage?
. . ….
So you need me, do you?
You think your ‘suicide’ will make me love you again?
You’re a weak, pathetic excuse for a human, and I don’t need this shit.
Think I care about your worthless, menial life?
….You’re fucking insane.
/ / /
Henken-inken ningen funda ugokidase ore FIGHT…
Music/title: For The Silent; Say Anything
“It’s not much better than death,
Giving up on everything.”
. .. … .
I keep thinking I’ll get lucky.
That just the right person must be out there, somewhere…
I am hopeful. I am nostalgic. (I am lonely.)
And it consumes me.
Why should I care?
Why should I need them to ‘complete’ myself?
[ Because you’re weak. ]
Faith in humanity… To think that people call this a strength….
It’s a fucking hindrance to my sanity.
. … …
Maybe he made me this way,
Maybe this is how I’ve always been..
…Does the road traveled really change this outcome?
Music/title: Happy Up Here (Boys Noize Remix); Röyksopp
“My favorite record is playing again..”
. . . .. .
Sometimes I think of you.
I think of how it was, and how it could’ve been..
( …Wondering if you still visit? )
I often find myself wishing circumstances were different,
But we both know that can never be.
….Here’s to hoping hatred outlasts everything else.
/ / /
You know I really like it.
; Imagine Dragons
“I’m going back to my roots.”
. .. …
Perhaps this is how it’s meant to end..
Maybe that’s just it– Maybe we’re never really meant to know the outcome
our Oh-so-Irreverent choices lead us to believe we’re dealt.
My choices? …..I fucking hate them.
Just like every other human on the planet-
I want my life simple. Complete.
We want this cookie cutter lifestyle, but here we always are…
Dealing ourselves another round of cards, when the game is over and lost.
Do we ever really quit?
Is there ever really an “end game” like they lead us to believe?
I s’pose here’s to finding out….
/ / /
Written near the end of last year, but god be damned- I couldn’t end my project on such a depressing note…
So here we are. Updated blog, with non-uplifting thoughts.
More to come. ::smiles::
Music/title: All Choked Up; Say Anything
“Oh can you see me now?”
. .. ….
I felt the anger, the frustration all bubbling up inside me.
But there you lay- So small… So caught up in fighting your inner demons.
I felt it all melting. Felt the tiny strings of my heart pulling tight with each thought….
Fucking worthless- Piece of insignificant shit. …How could you?!
I closed my eyes, pressing my head against yours..
My hands clutched at the base of your neck.
I let my lips find you.
I felt your apathy. Your hatred. And I felt every demon.
…I kissed you again. And again… I felt your seclusion falling away,
And I felt you kiss me back…
Is this what it means?
To so strongly love that you cease your own emotions…
Music/title: Lean On (Major Lazer x DJ Snake feat. MØ cover); Miracles of Modern Science
“The nights are long,
Longing for you to come home…”
. . ..
How am I supposed to do this?
How am I supposed to give up my time with you for them?
I was so ready not long ago,
And now I’m doubting every urge within myself.
Something tells me I will just know when it’s right, but what if I’m too late?
What if my mind is ready, but my body has far past its limitations?
I fucking hate this.
I hate the urges. I hate the pressure. I don’t even fucking WANT them.
YOU are the only reason I want any of this…
Am I so wrong to be terrified that they will take you away?
Then who would I be?
Surely not the person that created this ‘love’…..
/ / /
All we need is somebody to lean on..