Nothing gonna get me in my world…. (I wanna get me free!)

Music/title: Dreams; Beck
_ _


“Ahhhh, here we are…
Running circles around around around around.”

. … ..


I’ve never been quite this close.
Just the taste of it- Christ.
I’ve wanted this for so long.
Dreamed about it.
Prayed, even.

All pieces are fitting so perfectly.
My puzzle.
My world.
My bubble- Almost complete.

So much work;
So many awful experiences just to get to this moment.
I truly have dreamed of a place to call home.

…And it’s finally within my grasp.

/ / /


Oh just you wait and see.

And he told me, “Son, when they all come looking for you, where you gonna run?”

Music/title: Snowship (Thomas Jack Remix); Benjamin Francis Leftwich
_ _


“Your heart’s wired up to the eyes in your head,
and they’re flashing bright.”

. .. …

I look back, and I am reminded every reason my heart latched onto yours.
The reasons I denied for so long, now seem so very important.

Still, my chest swells and collapses within your eyes…


A ta?

/ / /
“I was only looking for the treasure in the dark.”

Baby can you move it round the rhythm, So we can get with ’em to the ground… (Let’s go, yes? No, hell no!)

Music/title: Lone Digger; Caravan Palace
_ _


“Your head has no right to say no- Tonight it’s “Ready, set, go!”

. .. …


I can’t recommend this song and music video enough..
There really is just nothing quite like electronic swing music.
And there really is no one that does it quite like Caravan Palace.

Things have been awful.
I am awful.
But I suppose we are forever moving forward.
Even when we don’t want to…


Who the fuck am I lately?
Even I don’t know.

08.22.15 [48/52] Do you recall, not long ago- We would walk on the sidewalk… (Innocent, remember?)

08.22.15Music/title: Lean On (Major Lazer x DJ Snake feat. MØ cover); Miracles of Modern Science
_ _


“We would only hold on to let go.”

. .. . …


[ Was it comfortable?
…Did you revel in the slight attempt of self destruction? ]

 . . .

I wonder- Am I merely a fake?
Like everyone else- Only after my own gratification?
I used to watch you pass by; judging so harshly the perfect sphere you found yourself within..


Hurting others for my own self fulfillment.
…How much better could I truly be?

/ / /

Blow a kiss, fire a gun…

05.02.15 [32/52] And in the midst of this self-inflicting pain, I can see my beautiful rescue…

Music/title: My Beautiful Rescue; This Providence
_ _


“I should’ve known from day one.”

. …. .


I wasn’t ready..
But some days I think it was best.
Some days I try to imagine it any other way,
And I get stuck in this endless loop.. “What if, what it?”

I didn’t know that day, but you did..
You watched me, waiting- Holding your heart in your hands for so long.
I watched you love me like I’d never seen anyone love another..
And I took it all for granted.

Here I thought I’d never feel love like that.  I never thought I’d find my own heart pound out of my chest, the way yours always did.. But here I am. Here we are, three years later..


..I’m ready now.


/ / /

Wash my hands, these bloody hands…

11.01.14 [6/52] Take me to your darkroom honey- Oh, keep me in your shadow.. And I’ll do everything that you say.

Music/title: Darkroom; Misun
_ _

“I hope you intend on pursuing photography as a career,
because you are pretty much completely excellent.”

.. . ..

I really never meant for this to become such a big part of my life.
It was just a goal I’d set.  Something simple, that would take actual dedication to complete.
I was 23, and desperate in proving to myself that I could start something and finish it.

My whole life I had spent believing this was something I just could not accomplish.
But by the end of it all, it had become so much more than overcoming that…

I had found passion.  I had found an outlet. 
And I had found something that I really fucking loved to do.

You have to understand-
For a person, such as myself, that was locked in a house, this was pretty astonishing, to say the least..
.. . . . .

Career or not-
As long as this passionate feeling of fulfillment continues, I won’t be giving up any time soon…

/ / /
Leave me there to stay.. ( to stay, to stay )

10.25.14 [5/52] All because of you, I haven’t slept in so long. When I do I dream of drowning in the ocean…

Music/title: The Good Left Undone; Rise Against
_ _

There are still days where I miss showing off..

Except- Now it’s different.  Now I get to show what I have, not just what I am.
What I have.  What I have become. What I will be…

The whole world feels it is within my reach;
unraveling with each and every step..

…And I want it all.

/ / /

I’ll follow your voice, all you have to do is shout it out..