02.03.18 [5/52] You’re what keeps me believing the world’s not gone dead; Strength in my bones put the words in my head… (Cause that’s what you do, That’s what you do)


Music/title: I Want To Know Your Plans; Say Anything
_ _

 

“When they pour out to paper, it’s all for you.”

. .. .

 

I miss you too.

I’m trying.. Really, I am.
I know it doesn’t seem like it, but the effort is there… Somewhere..
Hidden beneath all the spreadsheets and grocery lists..
Somewhere there exists a spark..

 

And I’m going to find it.

 

/ / /

 
I want to know your plans and how involved in them I am..

Nothing gonna get me in my world…. (I wanna get me free!)


Music/title: Dreams; Beck
_ _

 

“Ahhhh, here we are…
Running circles around around around around.”

. … ..

 

I’ve never been quite this close.
Just the taste of it- Christ.
I’ve wanted this for so long.
Dreamed about it.
Prayed, even.

All pieces are fitting so perfectly.
My puzzle.
My world.
My bubble- Almost complete.

So much work;
So many awful experiences just to get to this moment.
I truly have dreamed of a place to call home.

…And it’s finally within my grasp.

/ / /

 

Oh just you wait and see.
::smirks::

And he told me, “Son, when they all come looking for you, where you gonna run?”


Music/title: Snowship (Thomas Jack Remix); Benjamin Francis Leftwich
_ _

 

“Your heart’s wired up to the eyes in your head,
and they’re flashing bright.”

. .. …
 

I look back, and I am reminded every reason my heart latched onto yours.
The reasons I denied for so long, now seem so very important.

Still, my chest swells and collapses within your eyes…

.

A ta?

/ / /
 
“I was only looking for the treasure in the dark.”

Baby can you move it round the rhythm, So we can get with ’em to the ground… (Let’s go, yes? No, hell no!)

046
Music/title: Lone Digger; Caravan Palace
_ _

 

“Your head has no right to say no- Tonight it’s “Ready, set, go!”

. .. …

 

I can’t recommend this song and music video enough..
There really is just nothing quite like electronic swing music.
And there really is no one that does it quite like Caravan Palace.

Things have been awful.
I am awful.
But I suppose we are forever moving forward.
Even when we don’t want to…

 

Who the fuck am I lately?
Even I don’t know.

08.22.15 [48/52] Do you recall, not long ago- We would walk on the sidewalk… (Innocent, remember?)

08.22.15Music/title: Lean On (Major Lazer x DJ Snake feat. MØ cover); Miracles of Modern Science
_ _

 

“We would only hold on to let go.”

. .. . …

 

[ Was it comfortable?
…Did you revel in the slight attempt of self destruction? ]

 . . .

I wonder- Am I merely a fake?
Like everyone else- Only after my own gratification?
I used to watch you pass by; judging so harshly the perfect sphere you found yourself within..

 

Hurting others for my own self fulfillment.
…How much better could I truly be?
 

/ / /

 
Blow a kiss, fire a gun…

05.02.15 [32/52] And in the midst of this self-inflicting pain, I can see my beautiful rescue…


Music/title: My Beautiful Rescue; This Providence
_ _

 

“I should’ve known from day one.”

. …. .

 

I wasn’t ready..
But some days I think it was best.
Some days I try to imagine it any other way,
And I get stuck in this endless loop.. “What if, what it?”

I didn’t know that day, but you did..
You watched me, waiting- Holding your heart in your hands for so long.
I watched you love me like I’d never seen anyone love another..
And I took it all for granted.
 

Here I thought I’d never feel love like that.  I never thought I’d find my own heart pound out of my chest, the way yours always did.. But here I am. Here we are, three years later..

 

..I’m ready now.

 

/ / /

 
Wash my hands, these bloody hands…