And I’m angry at the waves from far below…. (Can they see that I am trying?)

02-27-16-5Music/title: Below; From Indian Lakes
_ _

 

“I am like them,
reaching for anything else.”

. ….. ..

 

Such a feeble, simple minded piece of human garbage- I truly loathe every fiber of you.
The same could be said for most, I s’pose….
But really- Is it so goddamn hard?!

You truly do create quite the unique hell…

 

 
And I can’t wait for the day it finally burns you up for good.

And the words on the tip of my tongue are tangled in what you did…

02-27-16-1
Music/title: Winter Breaks Me; Danielle Ate the Sandwich
_ _

 

“Give me what you came for,
(Give me something better.)”

. ….. .

 

How was that?
[ How are we? ]

Sometimes I wish we had a destination;
A place we could finally be close enough.

Do you remember?
That first year?
We more than kissed.
You more than held me.
The year nothing felt close enough.

I do.

How that was,
How we are-

I s’pose this is just that.

 

And she runs, and she waits… ( And I wait )

01.23.16 -1
Music/title: Tyler; The Toadies
_ _

 

“I will be with her tonight!”

. .. . ..

 

I thought I was so, so sure of it all..
Is it actually necessary to go through every single desire?
…Will this achieve my sense of self-fulfillment?

I’d like to think not….

. .. . ..

 
“I gave up that life for her.”

Maybe this is what he meant.
I thought finding someone to embrace that life was all that mattered…
And then I thought differently.   I thought I was wrong.

 

….I fucking hope I haven’t been right from the start.

 

/ / /

 
I hear the fear in her voice…

08.29.15 [49/52] What will we do when we get old, will we walk down the same road? (…Will you be there, by my side?)

08.29.15
Music/title: Lean On (Major Lazer x DJ Snake feat. MØ cover); Miracles of Modern Science
_ _

 

“The nights are long,
Longing for you to come home…”

. . ..

 

How am I supposed to do this?
How am I supposed to give up my time with you for them?
I was so ready not long ago,
And now I’m doubting every urge within myself.

 

Something tells me I will just know when it’s right, but what if I’m too late?
What if my mind is ready, but my body has far past its limitations?

I fucking hate this.
I hate the urges.  I hate the pressure.  I don’t even fucking WANT them.
YOU are the only reason I want any of this…
Am I so wrong to be terrified that they will take you away?

 

 
Then who would I be?
Surely not the person that created this ‘love’…..
 

/ / /

 
All we need is somebody to lean on..

08.22.15 [48/52] Do you recall, not long ago- We would walk on the sidewalk… (Innocent, remember?)

08.22.15Music/title: Lean On (Major Lazer x DJ Snake feat. MØ cover); Miracles of Modern Science
_ _

 

“We would only hold on to let go.”

. .. . …

 

[ Was it comfortable?
…Did you revel in the slight attempt of self destruction? ]

 . . .

I wonder- Am I merely a fake?
Like everyone else- Only after my own gratification?
I used to watch you pass by; judging so harshly the perfect sphere you found yourself within..

 

Hurting others for my own self fulfillment.
…How much better could I truly be?
 

/ / /

 
Blow a kiss, fire a gun…