Music/title: Admit It!; Say Anything
“Cause I’m proud of my life and the things that I have done;
Proud of myself and the loner I’ve become.”
. . … …. .
I’ve never cried at a concert before.
I’ve never felt such a connection with a band as this.
Perhaps it’s his lyrics.
Perhaps it’s his own bi-polar disorder’s pertinence to my mother.
Maybe he makes me hate her just a little bit less..
Seventeen years, two days, and fifty-four songs later-
Max Bemis still performs each and every note as if it’s his first.
The emotion portrayed was breathtaking,
and with his final ‘Walk Through Hell’ I couldn’t help myself…
/ / /
And I say yeah (what do you..)
Music/title: Tyler; The Toadies
“I will be with her tonight!”
. .. . ..
I thought I was so, so sure of it all..
Is it actually necessary to go through every single desire?
…Will this achieve my sense of self-fulfillment?
I’d like to think not….
. .. . ..
“I gave up that life for her.”
Maybe this is what he meant.
I thought finding someone to embrace that life was all that mattered…
And then I thought differently. I thought I was wrong.
….I fucking hope I haven’t been right from the start.
/ / /
I hear the fear in her voice…
Music/title: Polaroid; Imagine Dragons
“Your story sounds so amazing- I’m so proud of you for making your way through so many struggles and coming out on top.”
.. . .. ..
Just when you least expect it, there life goes- Blindsiding everything you know.
And just like that, everything changes…
/ / /
And I am the color of boom..
Music/title: Kind; Eli August And The Abandoned Buildings
On one hand, I find myself wishing I had more free time in my day to day life.
On the other.. I really do enjoy the busy feeling of moving from one thing to the next.
I remember two years back, that’s all my life was.
Event after event after event.. It was never enough for me.
It always gave a sense of purpose.
As if to say, “Yes. I am absolutely living my life to the fullest!”
.. . . .
But it’s when taking these photos that I really feel alive. [ ..Snap ! ]
And that moment is forever etched into my life. No other moment will ever be like that one..
/ / /
Take me down to where the river bends..
Music/title: Ashes; Jack & The Bear
We walked around Ann Arbor, held hands, swung in some art, and stumbled upon this wonderful band.
And later, when it was dark and we were home cuddling, I was staring at her. Trying so hard to just say it. She noticed and asked. So I buried my face in her chest, squeezing her like I was holding on for my life, and finally said it..
“I love you.”
And you know what?
She said it back. ♥
Music/title: Dramophone; Caravan Palace
I’ve been doing nothing but listening to Caravan Palace and thinking all day. About anything and everything that’s been on my mind lately. I think I’m going to tell Jenny I love her. I’m not in love with her, but I definitely love her. She’s officially “my person” as of today. I put it into words and everything, even though I’m sure we’ve both known for months now. ::smiles:: She says I’m mostly adorable, and that what’s not adorable is made up of cute. I miss her. She’ll be at the world steam expo all this weekend. I can feel withdrawals coming on already.
The idea of my mother has been bothering me recently. Or at least she’s been on my mind, which is just bothersome in and of itself. I think of her, and I get angry, and after a certain period of time thinking about this I just get the urge to hurt. To be hurt. Like I deserve it. It frustrates me that she’s still making me feel this way despite our complete lack of contact. The fact that she’s alive just eats away at me.
Ross says it’ll probably be something that I’ll spend most of my life getting over. And then, someday, something will happen. Or something will be said by someone. It could be the tiniest of things, but that that’ll be it. Suddenly I just …won’t care anymore.
I’d love not to care about her. And we’re back to Shortbus:
“It’s hard not to feel anything in your life.”