02.28.15 [23/52] Pick me up, dust me off, give me breath and let me cough…

02.28.15
Music/title: Tongues; Joywave
_ _

 

“Sometimes, I think, they’re all just speaking tongues.”

. .. ..

 

Every breath I take is a direct result of the past decisions I’ve made.
Every single thing is a direct result of the decisions I’ve made…

I get caught in this infinite loop sometimes…
[ What if I’d never gotten the job, or the one that followed? ]
[ What if I’d realized that girl at work was hitting on me, and ended up with her instead?  ]
[ What if I’d never left at all? ]

 

It’s this endless, endless cycle..
One in which I’ll drown myself until I can’t tell if it’s spinning or standing still.

. . .. . ..

 

I find it horribly amusing that I have no qualms in my lack of belief in a god,
But this… This is what really gets me.

 

/ / /

 
Drag me back, collect my thoughts…

01.24.15 [18/52] And I slept in last night’s clothes and tomorrow’s dreams… ( But they’re not quite what they seem )

01.24.15
Music/title: Uma Thurman; Fall Out Boy
_ _

 

“It’s just like watching porn.. She would never *leave* me for it.”

. .. . . .

 

The desire is there, burning underneath my skin. 
I can feel it every moment I’m around another girl.  I so desperately want to reach out and touch them.. To press my body tightly against theirs, sinking my teeth deep into their soft flesh.  I want to feel their mouth moving across my skin until it absolutely suffocates me.

I want. I want. I want….

 

..If only these things were as easy as they used to be.

 

/ / /

 

Bury me till I confess…