Music/title: Salt; Bad Suns
“And I don’t believe in the truth, truth.”
. . . .. . . … . .
I shouldn’t have cried.
I shouldn’t have given you hope.
I should’ve spoken every bitter word I swallowed.
But I listened.
Because that’s what you do, right?
That’s what’s polite?
[ I was merely being polite. ]
It didn’t affect me.
[ I didn’t wish to believe. ]
What do you do when the darkest parts of you are shaken?
…You hope to hell that you’re right.
Music/title: Atlas; Good Kid
“She said she was nothing but eager.”
. . .. ..
This is out of character.
But isn’t everything lately?
I mean honestly, what hasn’t changed?
I tell myself I will be complete when X happens, but X never comes, does it?
We never reach the end; The course never goes as planned..
And we’re not the character we intended to become.
/ / /
Then you said you said you said you said you said…
Music/title: Changes; Mutemath
“I’m not understood.”
.. .. ……
Life has been one roller coaster after another lately.
I don’t know what’s up or down, and I’m not entirely sure that’s how I want it.
But that’s normal right?
Aren’t we always uncertain about something in our lives?
I’m unsure about this.
But, maybe we are overdue…
Music/title: Go With It; TOKiMONSTA
“Ay oh, let it go-
See the big picture
Explode- Like a light bulb,
Let it unfold.
Just go, go with it.”
/ / /
…Does this make me weak?
Music/title: We Move Like the Ocean; Bad Suns
“Sit me down.”
. .. ….
The pain is only temporary, love..
Now that is truly something to fear….
/ / /
Chew me up, spit me out..
Music/title: Happy Up Here (Boys Noize Remix); Röyksopp
“My favorite record is playing again..”
. . . .. .
Sometimes I think of you.
I think of how it was, and how it could’ve been..
( …Wondering if you still visit? )
I often find myself wishing circumstances were different,
But we both know that can never be.
….Here’s to hoping hatred outlasts everything else.
/ / /
You know I really like it.
Music/title: Habits of My Heart; Jaymes Young
“You can fuck yourself.”
.. . ….
You think you just have everything over me-
You have absolutely fucking nothing.
And here we go again…
Breathing that ever suffocating smoke.
Music/title: If and When We Rise Again; Streetlight Manifesto
I’m not sure what you were looking for there..
But I’m nearly positive that it’s not at all what you got.
Music/title: Strangerous; Miracles of Modern Science
It feels uncomfortable to miss you.
I go somewhere we used to explore together- I think of the moment we once shared, I remember how we used to be… And there it is again. That longing for the friendship we used to have.
Part of me thinks it’d be okay if I tried to speak to you again.
[ Could I maybe swallow my gut instinct just this once..? ]
But then I remember the intensely crushing, hurtful feeling you left me standing with the last we spoke.
And I don’t.
. .. . …..
“It hurts to know that all I may be left with is wondering everyday how you are doing, and never actually knowing.”
/ / /
The small, empty space of you is still inside me,
echoing in my everyday life.
Music/title: Title and Registration; Death Cab For Cutie
“I know you didn’t want to bake a cake.”
.. .. …
I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to anything he does for me.
I feel like I am entitled to nothing in this world,
but everyone keeps telling me I deserve everything, if anyone does..
Maybe no one ever really deserves anything.
People keep telling me I do, though…
And they tell me I was right in ending that friendship.
And they tell me I’m a good person.
And that I’ve never tried to truly hurt anyone.
I don’t think this is about cake anymore…..
. .. . .. ..
“I know it’s hard sometimes,
and you want to be able to just pick something up for yourself,
or have something made for you.
And I know that’s hard to do,
but I will do whatever I can to make you happy.”
[ A response to a failed baking of a gluten free cake,
and the acquiring of a new one. ]