05.22.12 [147] I want to get away from it all.

05.22.12
 
Music/title: Cotton Heads; Caravan Palace
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I’ve never really dated anyone the normal way. You meet. You go somewhere you both decided was acceptable. You spend time together. And then you go home. I s’pose what I’m doing with Ross would count.. ? Except I’m also semi-dating a girl. And we decided removal of all clothes was necessary towards the end of the date. … Yes. I would say that still counts.
 
Though, we’re not dating. Or at least, I don’t think we are.
A few more weeks, I think. Then maybe I’ll bring it up.
 
In the meantime, I’m enjoying becoming friends with him just as much as I am the submission. There’s just some great level of comfort for me in spending time with someone that so well understands what I went through as a kid. I feel almost normal around him.
 
It’s nice.
 

05.17.12 [142] I dream of anger, sex, unnurtured- I succeed. But still.. Oh, Oh. I didn’t know, I didn’t know.

05.17.12
 
Music/title: Slumming It With Johnny; Say Anything
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This is an outtake from Saturday. This week has felt longer than any I can remember. Fucking wonderful, though. (I really can’t express that enough.) I think I’m going to spend Monday night at Ross’s place again. Who’s this Ross guy, you ask? Ah, well.. he would be the lovely Jenny’s doing, of course.
 
He’s helping me on the road to becoming a whole person. He’s showing me that I don’t need to feel bad for wanting all these things I’ve been hiding and keeping from myself. He’s putting me in my place, and I’ve never felt so happy and fulfilled with something in my life. What was I doing fooling around with vanilla boys; trying for something I knew would never be enough?
 
 
I’m finally comfortable in my own skin.
And I won’t settle for anything less than this.