And the words on the tip of my tongue are tangled in what you did…

02-27-16-1
Music/title: Winter Breaks Me; Danielle Ate the Sandwich
_ _

 

“Give me what you came for,
(Give me something better.)”

. ….. .

 

How was that?
[ How are we? ]

Sometimes I wish we had a destination;
A place we could finally be close enough.

Do you remember?
That first year?
We more than kissed.
You more than held me.
The year nothing felt close enough.

I do.

How that was,
How we are-

I s’pose this is just that.

 

07.18.15 [43/52] And covered in skin- We are, we are the same things (We touch in the dark rooms) ..But I wont tell you what I am hiding up my sleeve.

07.18.15
Music/title: Handsome Girl; Danielle Ate the Sandwich
_ _

 

“One thing I do know.. That he loves you-
Probably more than anyone else ever will.”

.. … ..

 

The closer we get, the harder my lungs collapse.
I feel like I don’t how to do this; like I am blindly throwing myself forward..
..Yet all I can think of is your smile. 

Your big, loving eyes staring down at me.  I see my entire body fold in on itself with every breath, and I see your face.. I see how wonderfully happy I’ve made you.  I see all those years of waiting; all the years of standing by through friendship… Hoping each day I might be ready for it.

A whole year and a half- those words…

 

 

And it’s then I realize you’re all I’ve ever wanted from anything.

 

/ / /

 
And I have chosen to choose you..

01.17.15 [17/52] And I may search the world for truth, but it’s only another word for you…

01.18.15
Music/title: You Were My Home; Danielle Ate the Sandwich
_ _

 

“You were a happy dream in a life that’s been nothing but a hellish nightmare.
Those days that I spent with you, they were the only good days I have ever known.”
~ Lucy; Elfen Lied

… . . ..

 

Everything changes this year.
For the good.  For the better.  For me.

 

/ / /

 
And I am found when I found you..

So put on your best suit and tie, I’ll put on my best dress to fake being accomplished… ( Then we’ll know we are grown )

05.17.14 -9

Music/title: Put On; Danielle Ate the Sandwich

_ _

Chapter 1 [?]

 

Does my name really matter?
How does a name define a person anyway?

My mother told me she choose my name because she read it in a book. She said the heroine in the story was strong in her life, and that she wanted the same for me- To be strong. Little did she know how much I would actually need it.

 

My mother. Now there’s a character to be had.

She was strong. One of the strongest people I think I’ve yet to meet. And, my god, I swear she knew a little bit about everything in life. You name it, and she’d done it or tried it. If not that, then she damn well knew how to figure it out. I wanted to be everything she was when I was younger- To know how to, so easily, do everything that was thrown my way. She was good at ‘life things,’ as I called it. And I envied her.

As for me, I suppose I’m something to be had myself. Alright, I am something… God, even now it’s hard to display myself on the proper shelf. Maybe by the end of this, eh?

Heh. ‘The end.

I’ve never focused much on that, you see. I’ve always had to take one day at a time. Because every day was different. Because every morning life threw something different on my plate and said, “This is what you’re dealt. Deal with it.

It’s only now that I’m starting to realize I don’t need to view life that way anymore. It’s no longer a matter of life and death, but, instead, of happiness and fulfillment. Arden is slowly showing me that.

Oh, Arden. The man is everything to me. Absolutely fucking everything.

But this?
This isn’t about him.

 

This is about everything before that.