She said, “Drink that love don’t demand it. ‘Cause baby I can’t stand it when you look so pathetic…”


Music/title: Young Robot; Dance Gavin Dance
_ _

 

“Feeling like a savage,
You know I gotta have it.”

. ..

 

I thought I would enjoy firing her.
It was so justified, you know?

But here I am.
Drinking with Dance Gavin Dance.. Reminiscing in 2013.

What am I doing?

*sigh*

 

Two more months.
I can keep it together for two more months. ..Right?

/ / /

 
It’s been long time coming..

You gave up being good when you declared a state of war… (I DON’T BEHAVE, I DON’T BEHAVE, OH EH)


Music/title: Kill V. Maim; Grimes
_ _

 

“Oh, the fire, it’s alright.
The people touch it-
I can’t touch it, even though it’s mine.”

. .. …

 

I couldn’t think of a single trait of hers I carried within me.

Was I happy?
Would I really want to be like her?

I sure used to think so.
I haven’t thought of her in a while.
I haven’t needed to.

She could be dead with all the others as far as I know.
…Wouldn’t that be a treat.

Do you think most daughters wish their mothers dead today?

 

Can you even stomach the concept?

/ / /

 
And I do what I can.

My life, my love, my drive, it came from… Pain! (You made me a, you made me a believer, believer)


Music/title: Believer; Imagine Dragons
_ _

 

“Don’t you tell me what you think that I can be.”

… . .

 

Again.
and Again. and Again.
It’s what you want, right?
Your goals quickly coming to an end.

Who will you be now?
What will inflict the pain you so desire?

. . 

“You made me a,
You made me a believer.”

/ / /

 
Never ending shifting.
The changes are so frequent lately I can’t keep up.
But we’re happy if we’re not paying too close attention to the detail, right?

Happy…

 

Yes.
I do believe I am.

Oh, these soft legged girls, and hard faced boys…. (Do you wish to feel complete?)

01-21-17-0
Music/title: We Are The Sound; Alexisonfire
_ _

 

“Say you want it, you need it.”

. ..

 
If only my heart could harden to match yours.

Perhaps you saw the coldness inside of me first-
Why do I feel such a compulsion to watch you at your best?

Perhaps I am still trying to outdo the darkness living inside..
Something to truly brings me to my knees.

. .

Isn’t that all I ever want?
To serve?
To be your slave?

Through sickness,
Through their death.

. . 
 

I don’t know who I am anymore.

/ / /

 
There is nothing but anger burning inside of me..

I can taste it on my tongue, but I couldn’t keep it all in my grasp… (How can I hope to ever find you now?)

01-02-17
Music/title: Ghost; From Indian Lakes
_ _

 

“I can’t look away,
but I don’t wanna meet your eyes.”

.. . . …. .

 

Do you see me making an effort?
I’m trying, really. I truly am.
But it’s hard. My thoughts are pressing against all the happiness I feel.
Why am I so sad lately?
…Not depressed sadness, but a feeling of longing. An overwhelming, consistent wave of emotions.
Is this my body trying to tell me it’s time? Have I waited too long?

.

Your skin is never close enough to mine. ..why am I this unsettled?
You are there.
Everyday, you are there for me. …Yet,
I still don’t know what I need.

I think this is all part of my sickness.
The reason I was ever so afraid to love you-

 
So afraid of the possible effects,
that I’m caught in the endless cycle of hurting myself….

 

…How can I hope to be where you are?

/ / /

 
And I’m holding out my hand to you…

It’s only water, It’s only fire… (It’s only love)

02-27-16-2
Music/title: It’s Only (feat. Zyra); ODESZA
_ _

 

“It’s only slaughter,
We’re only liars,
It’s only blood.”

. …..

 

To be wanted; to be needed- A mutual addiction.
It’s all you ever desired, Da?

Such a strong emotion...
But you sure know that, don’t you?

[ yes. ]

I know you miss it- The way it’s all played..
That’s why you choose them, isn’t it?
Because who else could control what you have obtained..

The murderers.
The psycho and sociopaths.
The unloved and unwanted of society- You crave them;
Crave the mutual addiction of the unattainable.

.

[ “They’re only thoughts that I’m having;
Thoughts safe within my head.” ]

.
 

To be wanted; to be needed is simple.
Oh, but to be desired by them….

 

True emotional ecstasy.

. . .

 

"You’re only crying, you’re only dying, you’re only dead." 

To learn to whisper and to scream (The whisper justifies the scream); To let each yearning finger breathe.. (NO, NOTHING LIVES UNLESS IT BREATHES!)

08.31.16
Music/title: Lovely Thing Suite: Knots; Watsky
_ _

 

“To burn, to worship, to mislead…”

… . …. … .

 

Every moment-
Demanding yet another relentless thud of hatred…

Don’t you love me? ..they say
Don’t you want to join us!? ..they cry
 

Fucking pathetic;
Ungrateful, weak-minded pieces of-
YOU ARE SO FAR FROM REALITY.
Want to know what it’s truly like on the other side?

 

…Join me.

/ / /

 

Here’s to coming up from the down-
To life, and the wondrous journey towards our death:

Watsky = x Infinity

HEY HEY! Ningen sanka, ai nige ningen fuan ka…. (Human paean, does love escaping make humans nervous?)

05.16.15 -1
Music/title: What’s Up, People?!; Maximum the Hormone
_ _

 

Is your life boring? (Ikiru imi tsumaran ka?)
Are you trembling with rage?
HUMAN?!”

. . ….

 

So you need me, do you?
You think your ‘suicide’ will make me love you again?

-Fuck you.

 

You’re a weak, pathetic excuse for a human, and I don’t need this shit.
Think I care about your worthless, menial life?
….You’re fucking insane.

 

/ / /

 
Henken-inken ningen funda ugokidase ore FIGHT…