Music/title: Admit It!; Say Anything
“Cause I’m proud of my life and the things that I have done;
Proud of myself and the loner I’ve become.”
. . … …. .
I’ve never cried at a concert before.
I’ve never felt such a connection with a band as this.
Perhaps it’s his lyrics.
Perhaps it’s his own bi-polar disorder’s pertinence to my mother.
Maybe he makes me hate her just a little bit less..
Seventeen years, two days, and fifty-four songs later-
Max Bemis still performs each and every note as if it’s his first.
The emotion portrayed was breathtaking,
and with his final ‘Walk Through Hell’ I couldn’t help myself…
/ / /
And I say yeah (what do you..)
Music/title: Angela; The Lumineers
“Let the exits pass, all the tar and glass-
‘Til the road and sky align.”
. . .
I just need to catch my breath,
then everything will be okay, right?
The dark parts of my brain are seeping through.
[ But you did it- you’re FREE. ]
Is that so?
I claim the void is supposed to be empty,
So why can’t I stop trying to fill it?
Music/title: Young Robot; Dance Gavin Dance
“Feeling like a savage,
You know I gotta have it.”
I thought I would enjoy firing her.
It was so justified, you know?
But here I am.
Drinking with Dance Gavin Dance.. Reminiscing in 2013.
What am I doing?
Two more months.
I can keep it together for two more months. ..Right?
/ / /
It’s been long time coming..
Music/title: Kill V. Maim; Grimes
“Oh, the fire, it’s alright.
The people touch it-
I can’t touch it, even though it’s mine.”
. .. …
I couldn’t think of a single trait of hers I carried within me.
Was I happy?
Would I really want to be like her?
I sure used to think so.
I haven’t thought of her in a while.
I haven’t needed to.
She could be dead with all the others as far as I know.
…Wouldn’t that be a treat.
Do you think most daughters wish their mothers dead today?
…Can you even stomach the concept?
/ / /
And I do what I can.
Music/title: Trojans (Xaphoon Jones Remix); Atlas Genius
“Take a look, Hesitate.
Take a picture you could never recreate.”
.. . …
Not so lazy Sunday.
Remember the endless fog a few months back?
…I sure do. ::smiles::
Is it possible for a landscape to convey emotion?
[ I like to think so. ]
Music/title: Over and Over; Al Bairre
Sometimes it’s meant to end this way.
. . .
Music/title: Believer; Imagine Dragons
“Don’t you tell me what you think that I can be.”
… . .
and Again. and Again.
It’s what you want, right?
Your goals quickly coming to an end.
Who will you be now?
What will inflict the pain you so desire?
“You made me a,
You made me a believer.”
/ / /
Never ending shifting.
The changes are so frequent lately I can’t keep up.
But we’re happy if we’re not paying too close attention to the detail, right?
I do believe I am.
Music/title: We Are The Sound; Alexisonfire
“Say you want it, you need it.”
If only my heart could harden to match yours.
Perhaps you saw the coldness inside of me first-
Why do I feel such a compulsion to watch you at your best?
Perhaps I am still trying to outdo the darkness living inside..
Something to truly brings me to my knees.
Isn’t that all I ever want?
To be your slave?
Through their death.
I don’t know who I am anymore.
/ / /
There is nothing but anger burning inside of me..
Music/title: Ghost; From Indian Lakes
“I can’t look away,
but I don’t wanna meet your eyes.”
.. . . …. .
Do you see me making an effort?
I’m trying, really. I truly am.
But it’s hard. My thoughts are pressing against all the happiness I feel.
Why am I so sad lately?
…Not depressed sadness, but a feeling of longing. An overwhelming, consistent wave of emotions.
Is this my body trying to tell me it’s time? Have I waited too long?
Your skin is never close enough to mine. ..why am I this unsettled?
You are there.
Everyday, you are there for me. …Yet,
I still don’t know what I need.
I think this is all part of my sickness.
The reason I was ever so afraid to love you-
So afraid of the possible effects,
that I’m caught in the endless cycle of hurting myself….
…How can I hope to be where you are?
/ / /
And I’m holding out my hand to you…
Music/title: It’s Only (feat. Zyra); ODESZA
“It’s only slaughter,
We’re only liars,
It’s only blood.”
To be wanted; to be needed- A mutual addiction.
It’s all you ever desired, Da?
Such a strong emotion...
But you sure know that, don’t you?
[ yes. ]
I know you miss it- The way it’s all played..
That’s why you choose them, isn’t it?
Because who else could control what you have obtained..
The psycho and sociopaths.
The unloved and unwanted of society- You crave them;
Crave the mutual addiction of the unattainable.
[ “They’re only thoughts that I’m having;
Thoughts safe within my head.” ]
To be wanted; to be needed is simple.
Oh, but to be desired by them….
True emotional ecstasy.
. . .
"You’re only crying, you’re only dying, you’re only dead."