02.03.18 [5/52] You’re what keeps me believing the world’s not gone dead; Strength in my bones put the words in my head… (Cause that’s what you do, That’s what you do)

Music/title: I Want To Know Your Plans; Say Anything
_ _


“When they pour out to paper, it’s all for you.”

. .. .


I miss you too.

I’m trying.. Really, I am.
I know it doesn’t seem like it, but the effort is there… Somewhere..
Hidden beneath all the spreadsheets and grocery lists..
Somewhere there exists a spark..


And I’m going to find it.


/ / /

I want to know your plans and how involved in them I am..

These memories are nothing to me, just salt in the wound…

Music/title: Salt; Bad Suns
_ _


“And I don’t believe in the truth, truth.”

. . . .. . . … . .


I shouldn’t have cried.
I shouldn’t have given you hope.
I should’ve spoken every bitter word I swallowed.
But I listened.


Because that’s what you do, right?
That’s what’s polite?

[ I was merely being polite. ]

It didn’t affect me.
[ I didn’t wish to believe. ]

___ ___


What do you do when the darkest parts of you are shaken?


…You hope to hell that you’re right.

Heart beats intertwine… (When you’re by my side, When you’re by my side)

Music/title: You + I (Snocker Cot Remix); Sheare
_ _


“Tell me something more about this place.”

. . … ..


Something about this is just so alluring. The distant buildings immersed in fog.. Just lovely.

This one has actually been edited for a while now.
I think you’d all be astonished to learn how many photos *don’t* get posted. hah!


The last year I did my full 52 week project was the year I did best with editing and posting everything.

I’d like to do that again.


/ / /


Credit to takeSomeCrime for this awesome song.
The man has amazing taste in music, as well as some amazing dance moves.

Check him out. ;]

When everything has to turn, and march onward.. (Only fall if you’re sure that you fall forward)

Music/title: Changes; Mutemath
_ _


“I’m not understood.”

.. .. ……


Life has been one roller coaster after another lately.
I don’t know what’s up or down, and I’m not entirely sure that’s how I want it.

But that’s normal right?
The uncertainty?
Aren’t we always uncertain about something in our lives?

I’m unsure about this.


But, maybe we are overdue…


But you held your course to some distant war, in the corners of your mind…

Music/title: Angela; The Lumineers
_ _


“Let the exits pass, all the tar and glass-
‘Til the road and sky align.”

. . .


I just need to catch my breath,
then everything will be okay, right?

. .

The dark parts of my brain are seeping through.

[ But you did it- you’re FREE. ]


Is that so?
I claim the void is supposed to be empty,


So why can’t I stop trying to fill it?

Remember last year when you told me, to always stay here and never leave me.. (The light from your eyes made it feel like we-e-e-e were dancing in the moonlight)

Music/title: Moonlight; Grace Vanderwaal
_ _


“These will be a life long stories.”

. . …


Four days and counting.
If you could see me now..

My life- In boxes again.
But this time I am making a home for myself.
I am creating everything that you took from me.

I am in control.


And you won’t ever take it from me again.

Daddy, I don’t wanna grow up anyway- Grown ups are all sad… (Doesn’t matter where I come from anyway)

Music/title: #Grownupz; FEiN
_ _


“I’ll grow up and get sad.”

. …. .


If only I’d known…

I think of where I’ve come, and what I’ve done in my life-
As a child others would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I imagine most children aspire to make a difference; a change in the world.

Not me.

All I saw in my life was the horror of being locked in that house.
No friends. No family. No escape.
I would think, ‘Why would I want these complicated things they desire?’
For me, the common dreams were beyond grasp.
But, more than that-
I didn’t feel the hunger for them.

What did I want out of my life?
What were my dreams?


[ I suppose..
…Someone to love me. Someone *I* can love!
Someone that won’t hurt me the way everyone else does.. And… A home.

Something the complete opposite of now!
A place of my own to spend time with the person I love..

Almost two decades later…
People ask me if I’m excited to be purchasing my first home..


If only they knew.

/ / /

It keeps me jump jump jumpin’ and-ah..

Nothing gonna get me in my world…. (I wanna get me free!)

Music/title: Dreams; Beck
_ _


“Ahhhh, here we are…
Running circles around around around around.”

. … ..


I’ve never been quite this close.
Just the taste of it- Christ.
I’ve wanted this for so long.
Dreamed about it.
Prayed, even.

All pieces are fitting so perfectly.
My puzzle.
My world.
My bubble- Almost complete.

So much work;
So many awful experiences just to get to this moment.
I truly have dreamed of a place to call home.

…And it’s finally within my grasp.

/ / /


Oh just you wait and see.

You gave up being good when you declared a state of war… (I DON’T BEHAVE, I DON’T BEHAVE, OH EH)

Music/title: Kill V. Maim; Grimes
_ _


“Oh, the fire, it’s alright.
The people touch it-
I can’t touch it, even though it’s mine.”

. .. …


I couldn’t think of a single trait of hers I carried within me.

Was I happy?
Would I really want to be like her?

I sure used to think so.
I haven’t thought of her in a while.
I haven’t needed to.

She could be dead with all the others as far as I know.
…Wouldn’t that be a treat.

Do you think most daughters wish their mothers dead today?


Can you even stomach the concept?

/ / /

And I do what I can.