Music/title: I Want To Know Your Plans; Say Anything
“When they pour out to paper, it’s all for you.”
. .. .
I miss you too.
I’m trying.. Really, I am.
I know it doesn’t seem like it, but the effort is there… Somewhere..
Hidden beneath all the spreadsheets and grocery lists..
Somewhere there exists a spark..
And I’m going to find it.
/ / /
I want to know your plans and how involved in them I am..
Music/title: Salt; Bad Suns
“And I don’t believe in the truth, truth.”
. . . .. . . … . .
I shouldn’t have cried.
I shouldn’t have given you hope.
I should’ve spoken every bitter word I swallowed.
But I listened.
Because that’s what you do, right?
That’s what’s polite?
[ I was merely being polite. ]
It didn’t affect me.
[ I didn’t wish to believe. ]
What do you do when the darkest parts of you are shaken?
…You hope to hell that you’re right.
Music/title: You + I (Snocker Cot Remix); Sheare
“Tell me something more about this place.”
. . … ..
Something about this is just so alluring. The distant buildings immersed in fog.. Just lovely.
This one has actually been edited for a while now.
I think you’d all be astonished to learn how many photos *don’t* get posted. hah!
The last year I did my full 52 week project was the year I did best with editing and posting everything.
I’d like to do that again.
/ / /
Credit to takeSomeCrime for this awesome song.
The man has amazing taste in music, as well as some amazing dance moves.
Check him out. ;]
Music/title: Changes; Mutemath
“I’m not understood.”
.. .. ……
Life has been one roller coaster after another lately.
I don’t know what’s up or down, and I’m not entirely sure that’s how I want it.
But that’s normal right?
Aren’t we always uncertain about something in our lives?
I’m unsure about this.
But, maybe we are overdue…
Music/title: Angela; The Lumineers
“Let the exits pass, all the tar and glass-
‘Til the road and sky align.”
. . .
I just need to catch my breath,
then everything will be okay, right?
The dark parts of my brain are seeping through.
[ But you did it- you’re FREE. ]
Is that so?
I claim the void is supposed to be empty,
So why can’t I stop trying to fill it?
Music/title: Moonlight; Grace Vanderwaal
“These will be a life long stories.”
. . …
Four days and counting.
If you could see me now..
My life- In boxes again.
But this time I am making a home for myself.
I am creating everything that you took from me.
I am in control.
And you won’t ever take it from me again.
Music/title: #Grownupz; FEiN
“I’ll grow up and get sad.”
. …. .
If only I’d known…
I think of where I’ve come, and what I’ve done in my life-
As a child others would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I imagine most children aspire to make a difference; a change in the world.
All I saw in my life was the horror of being locked in that house.
No friends. No family. No escape.
I would think, ‘Why would I want these complicated things they desire?’
For me, the common dreams were beyond grasp.
But, more than that-
I didn’t feel the hunger for them.
What did I want out of my life?
What were my dreams?
[ I suppose..
…Someone to love me. Someone *I* can love!
Someone that won’t hurt me the way everyone else does.. And… A home.
Something the complete opposite of now!
A place of my own to spend time with the person I love.. ]
Almost two decades later…
People ask me if I’m excited to be purchasing my first home..
If only they knew.
/ / /
It keeps me jump jump jumpin’ and-ah..
Music/title: Dreams; Beck
“Ahhhh, here we are…
Running circles around around around around.”
. … ..
I’ve never been quite this close.
Just the taste of it- Christ.
I’ve wanted this for so long.
Dreamed about it.
All pieces are fitting so perfectly.
My bubble- Almost complete.
So much work;
So many awful experiences just to get to this moment.
I truly have dreamed of a place to call home.
…And it’s finally within my grasp.
/ / /
Oh just you wait and see.
Music/title: Round Two; Imad Royal
“Got me like oh me oh my.”
. . ….
“We loved you.”
I swear, in that moment I could’ve flown….
/ / /
There’s a clear purpose to it all;
There’s a goal.
The first step achieved-
Music/title: Kill V. Maim; Grimes
“Oh, the fire, it’s alright.
The people touch it-
I can’t touch it, even though it’s mine.”
. .. …
I couldn’t think of a single trait of hers I carried within me.
Was I happy?
Would I really want to be like her?
I sure used to think so.
I haven’t thought of her in a while.
I haven’t needed to.
She could be dead with all the others as far as I know.
…Wouldn’t that be a treat.
Do you think most daughters wish their mothers dead today?
…Can you even stomach the concept?
/ / /
And I do what I can.