Music/title: Young Robot; Dance Gavin Dance
“Feeling like a savage,
You know I gotta have it.”
I thought I would enjoy firing her.
It was so justified, you know?
But here I am.
Drinking with Dance Gavin Dance.. Reminiscing in 2013.
What am I doing?
Two more months.
I can keep it together for two more months. ..Right?
/ / /
It’s been long time coming..
Music/title: Go With It; TOKiMONSTA
“Ay oh, let it go-
See the big picture
Explode- Like a light bulb,
Let it unfold.
Just go, go with it.”
/ / /
…Does this make me weak?
Music/title: I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy; Fall Out Boy
“You can’t cover it up.”
. …. ..
Is it normal to feel this much disappointment?
I mean, I know it’s fairly common, but this is borderline suffocating….
I keep thinking I can hold out. I can make it work!
..Only to be let down once again.
I hate them. ALL of them.
I hope the fucking cunts burn in their sleep.
Maybe I’m just jealous.
Jealous that I am not them.
Jealous that I didn’t stay where I belonged….
…Can I stop being an adult now?
/ / /
It’s so, so fitting…
Music/title: Ghost; From Indian Lakes
“I can’t look away,
but I don’t wanna meet your eyes.”
.. . . …. .
Do you see me making an effort?
I’m trying, really. I truly am.
But it’s hard. My thoughts are pressing against all the happiness I feel.
Why am I so sad lately?
…Not depressed sadness, but a feeling of longing. An overwhelming, consistent wave of emotions.
Is this my body trying to tell me it’s time? Have I waited too long?
Your skin is never close enough to mine. ..why am I this unsettled?
You are there.
Everyday, you are there for me. …Yet,
I still don’t know what I need.
I think this is all part of my sickness.
The reason I was ever so afraid to love you-
So afraid of the possible effects,
that I’m caught in the endless cycle of hurting myself….
…How can I hope to be where you are?
/ / /
And I’m holding out my hand to you…
Music/title: Undertow; Tool
“How could I let this bring me,
back to my knees?”
. .. …
Half the year spent trying not to die-
the other half desperately remembering how to live..
I’d love to promise you more.
To promise the new.
The oh so illusive happiness.
Can’t you see me trying?
Here’s to hoping everything current stays in this past…
Music/title: Man Makes The Zoo; Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker
“As it comes, it goes.”
. .. …
Our ‘happily ever after’
Here’s to never forgetting how imminently we keep to our death.
Music/title: Lovely Thing Suite: Knots; Watsky
“To burn, to worship, to mislead…”
… . …. … .
Demanding yet another relentless thud of hatred…
Don’t you love me? ..they say
Don’t you want to join us!? ..they cry
Ungrateful, weak-minded pieces of-
YOU ARE SO FAR FROM REALITY.
Want to know what it’s truly like on the other side?
/ / /
Here’s to coming up from the down-
To life, and the wondrous journey towards our death:
Watsky = x Infinity
Music/title: We Own The Night; Dance Gavin Dance
“Just fake it through the day,
And the night is your god.”
.. .. .
[ Is this what you wanted?
..Do you feel better now?!
Were you ever really happy to begin with? ]
….What happens when the answers are just as hard?
. . .
“Do it again, do it again, do it again, now grow.”
Music/title: Tattooed Tears; The Front Bottoms
I hear her whisper,
“All I want is to want nothing.”
.. . ..
You wanted me to want it for so long.
Your dream- Your idea of ‘perfect beauty’ all wrapped up in a singular, well-formed package.
And then suddenly the dream is a forced reality.
And my formerly structured self perspective falls to pieces within my own hands.
You say, “No, that’s not right.”
It wasn’t supposed to happen this way…
“You can’t teach God anything.”
And I can’t tell you the reality brings my confidence to tears….
/ / /
There is no music when we kiss…
Music/title: Transition (Dillon Francis/DWNTWN Remix); Dillon Francis
“I really should have seen it, happened all the time…”
. .. …
So desperate for that simple human connection,
yet so afraid of failure surely to achieve in the consequence…
[ Maybe you’re not as strong as you thought after all. ]