Daddy, I don’t wanna grow up anyway- Grown ups are all sad… (Doesn’t matter where I come from anyway)


Music/title: #Grownupz; FEiN
_ _

 

“I’ll grow up and get sad.”

. …. .

 

If only I’d known…
 

I think of where I’ve come, and what I’ve done in my life-
As a child others would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I imagine most children aspire to make a difference; a change in the world.

Not me.

All I saw in my life was the horror of being locked in that house.
No friends. No family. No escape.
I would think, ‘Why would I want these complicated things they desire?’
For me, the common dreams were beyond grasp.
But, more than that-
I didn’t feel the hunger for them.

What did I want out of my life?
What were my dreams?

.

[ I suppose..
…Someone to love me. Someone *I* can love!
Someone that won’t hurt me the way everyone else does.. And… A home.

Something the complete opposite of now!
A place of my own to spend time with the person I love..
]

Almost two decades later…
People ask me if I’m excited to be purchasing my first home..

 

If only they knew.

/ / /

 
It keeps me jump jump jumpin’ and-ah..

My life, my love, my drive, it came from… Pain! (You made me a, you made me a believer, believer)


Music/title: Believer; Imagine Dragons
_ _

 

“Don’t you tell me what you think that I can be.”

… . .

 

Again.
and Again. and Again.
It’s what you want, right?
Your goals quickly coming to an end.

Who will you be now?
What will inflict the pain you so desire?

. . 

“You made me a,
You made me a believer.”

/ / /

 
Never ending shifting.
The changes are so frequent lately I can’t keep up.
But we’re happy if we’re not paying too close attention to the detail, right?

Happy…

 

Yes.
I do believe I am.

Oh, these soft legged girls, and hard faced boys…. (Do you wish to feel complete?)

01-21-17-0
Music/title: We Are The Sound; Alexisonfire
_ _

 

“Say you want it, you need it.”

. ..

 
If only my heart could harden to match yours.

Perhaps you saw the coldness inside of me first-
Why do I feel such a compulsion to watch you at your best?

Perhaps I am still trying to outdo the darkness living inside..
Something to truly brings me to my knees.

. .

Isn’t that all I ever want?
To serve?
To be your slave?

Through sickness,
Through their death.

. . 
 

I don’t know who I am anymore.

/ / /

 
There is nothing but anger burning inside of me..

‘Cause nobody knows it better, than the girl in the corner with the scarlet letter…

02.27.16 -0

Music/title: Say My Name (feat. Zyra); ODESZA
_ _

 

“So take a chance,
Take a chance.”

.. … .

 

Stop.  Rewind.  And reorder everything.
 

Is this not all you ever thought it would be?
This beautiful life you’ve created.
The world everyone envies….
 

Is it enough?

[ Has it ever really been so? ]

 

Now:
Let’s escape these all encompassing thoughts;
Keep them from slowly, surely dissecting from the inside out.

You think you want to preserve this life?

 

 

Oh, my dear love,
You’ve never wanted to preserve anything….