Music/title: Salt; Bad Suns
“And I don’t believe in the truth, truth.”
. . . .. . . … . .
I shouldn’t have cried.
I shouldn’t have given you hope.
I should’ve spoken every bitter word I swallowed.
But I listened.
Because that’s what you do, right?
That’s what’s polite?
[ I was merely being polite. ]
It didn’t affect me.
[ I didn’t wish to believe. ]
What do you do when the darkest parts of you are shaken?
…You hope to hell that you’re right.
Music/title: Don’t Fuck This Up; Andrew Applepie
“I swear I’m not trying to fuck you up.”
I saw myself in her;
A former self-
A truly dedicated slave.
Surely she’s still alive in there.
The older I get, the further away it becomes.
A more distant dream.
One I used to have, to want daily..
Where did it go?
Who have I become?
It’s okay if I like the changes, right?
[ You know you could always ask him.
He knows more about you than you think.
..Don’t forget how this all began. ]
/ / /
Good Mythical Morning.
Music/title: Atlas; Good Kid
“She said she was nothing but eager.”
. . .. ..
This is out of character.
But isn’t everything lately?
I mean honestly, what hasn’t changed?
I tell myself I will be complete when X happens, but X never comes, does it?
We never reach the end; The course never goes as planned..
And we’re not the character we intended to become.
/ / /
Then you said you said you said you said you said…
Music/title: Changes; Mutemath
“I’m not understood.”
.. .. ……
Life has been one roller coaster after another lately.
I don’t know what’s up or down, and I’m not entirely sure that’s how I want it.
But that’s normal right?
Aren’t we always uncertain about something in our lives?
I’m unsure about this.
But, maybe we are overdue…
Music/title: Go With It; TOKiMONSTA
“Ay oh, let it go-
See the big picture
Explode- Like a light bulb,
Let it unfold.
Just go, go with it.”
/ / /
…Does this make me weak?
Music/title: We Own The Night; Dance Gavin Dance
“Just fake it through the day,
And the night is your god.”
.. .. .
[ Is this what you wanted?
..Do you feel better now?!
Were you ever really happy to begin with? ]
….What happens when the answers are just as hard?
. . .
“Do it again, do it again, do it again, now grow.”
Music/title: Transition (Dillon Francis/DWNTWN Remix); Dillon Francis
“I really should have seen it, happened all the time…”
. .. …
So desperate for that simple human connection,
yet so afraid of failure surely to achieve in the consequence…
[ Maybe you’re not as strong as you thought after all. ]
Music/title: I Don’t Care If You’re Contagious; Pierce the Veil
“I’m gonna tear out the thread one by one from your skin…”
.. . .. ..
The weight of this life proves heavier with every single breath.
….How long before it’s finally too much?
Music/title: Tyler; The Toadies
“I will be with her tonight!”
. .. . ..
I thought I was so, so sure of it all..
Is it actually necessary to go through every single desire?
…Will this achieve my sense of self-fulfillment?
I’d like to think not….
. .. . ..
“I gave up that life for her.”
Maybe this is what he meant.
I thought finding someone to embrace that life was all that mattered…
And then I thought differently. I thought I was wrong.
….I fucking hope I haven’t been right from the start.
/ / /
I hear the fear in her voice…
Music/title: Stay Outside; From Indian Lakes
.. . .. …
I suppose I should say a few words to mark the occasion…..
…But all I feel is a sense of dread.