I’ve got this poison running deep in my mind, my mind.. (I know you think it’s alright)


Music/title: Wasted On You (feat. ROZES); Louis Futon
_ _

 

“I’m wasted on you.”

. . … .. …..

 

Liberating doesn’t begin to cover it.
A twinge of denial, maybe.
I still can’t believe it all. Everything seems so surreal in our lives.

Did you plan this from the start?

 

A part of me believes I had nothing to do with it. That it was all thanks to others. The bad parts of my mind attempt to latch on- hopes of some form of sabotage..

..but…

..the other side.
The part that has drug me through all the blood and tears… That part is proud.
Look at how far you’ve come. ..Look at what you’ve done for yourself..

Aren’t you so happy now?

.
 

If I ever believed in a God,
now would be the time to thank him.

/ / /

 
We keep it going just like we always do, we do..

But you held your course to some distant war, in the corners of your mind…


Music/title: Angela; The Lumineers
_ _

 

“Let the exits pass, all the tar and glass-
‘Til the road and sky align.”

. . .

 

I just need to catch my breath,
then everything will be okay, right?

. .
 

The dark parts of my brain are seeping through.

[ But you did it- you’re FREE. ]

.
 

Is that so?
I claim the void is supposed to be empty,

 

So why can’t I stop trying to fill it?
 

Oh, and what’s the world becoming? No.. (What have we- What have we done?)


Music/title: Drowning World feat. Bjurman; Andrew Applepie
_ _

 

“So, so, so- “

. … ..

 

Covering it up breaks my heart.
Preemptively, even more so.

But it it must be done.
Twenty-eight years, and I’m ready for change. I’ve grown too comfortable in this world, in this skin. I need new.
I need out of routine.

“So, so, so- “

 

It must be done.

/ / /

 

I highly recommend this song.
A big thank you to Casey Neistat for introducing me to the love that is Andrew Applepie. <3

Nothing gonna get me in my world…. (I wanna get me free!)


Music/title: Dreams; Beck
_ _

 

“Ahhhh, here we are…
Running circles around around around around.”

. … ..

 

I’ve never been quite this close.
Just the taste of it- Christ.
I’ve wanted this for so long.
Dreamed about it.
Prayed, even.

All pieces are fitting so perfectly.
My puzzle.
My world.
My bubble- Almost complete.

So much work;
So many awful experiences just to get to this moment.
I truly have dreamed of a place to call home.

…And it’s finally within my grasp.

/ / /

 

Oh just you wait and see.
::smirks::

Our house is falling over- Don’t drown me, I’m underwater. Let’s call this whole thing over… (Why are you here?)


Music/title: Just a Like Song; Al Bairre
_ _

 

“Upside down,
Inside out..
(Anywhere you wanna be)”

. . … .

 

[ But I’m not qualified for anything. ]

“You’re always saying that.”

[ What am I qualified for then? ]

“….”


 

Decisions.
Change.
Good or bad.
Right or wrong.

I hate choice.
I want to be told what to do-
I want subservience;
To be a slave.

– –
 

But, darling… You wear the mask so well.

/ / /

 

Disbanded treats.
Thank you, Al Bairre. <3
 

You gave up being good when you declared a state of war… (I DON’T BEHAVE, I DON’T BEHAVE, OH EH)


Music/title: Kill V. Maim; Grimes
_ _

 

“Oh, the fire, it’s alright.
The people touch it-
I can’t touch it, even though it’s mine.”

. .. …

 

I couldn’t think of a single trait of hers I carried within me.

Was I happy?
Would I really want to be like her?

I sure used to think so.
I haven’t thought of her in a while.
I haven’t needed to.

She could be dead with all the others as far as I know.
…Wouldn’t that be a treat.

Do you think most daughters wish their mothers dead today?

 

Can you even stomach the concept?

/ / /

 
And I do what I can.

My life, my love, my drive, it came from… Pain! (You made me a, you made me a believer, believer)


Music/title: Believer; Imagine Dragons
_ _

 

“Don’t you tell me what you think that I can be.”

… . .

 

Again.
and Again. and Again.
It’s what you want, right?
Your goals quickly coming to an end.

Who will you be now?
What will inflict the pain you so desire?

. . 

“You made me a,
You made me a believer.”

/ / /

 
Never ending shifting.
The changes are so frequent lately I can’t keep up.
But we’re happy if we’re not paying too close attention to the detail, right?

Happy…

 

Yes.
I do believe I am.

Oh, these soft legged girls, and hard faced boys…. (Do you wish to feel complete?)

01-21-17-0
Music/title: We Are The Sound; Alexisonfire
_ _

 

“Say you want it, you need it.”

. ..

 
If only my heart could harden to match yours.

Perhaps you saw the coldness inside of me first-
Why do I feel such a compulsion to watch you at your best?

Perhaps I am still trying to outdo the darkness living inside..
Something to truly brings me to my knees.

. .

Isn’t that all I ever want?
To serve?
To be your slave?

Through sickness,
Through their death.

. . 
 

I don’t know who I am anymore.

/ / /

 
There is nothing but anger burning inside of me..