You don’t impress me (admit it) You don’t intimidate me (admit it)- Why don’t you bow down, get on the ground, WALK THIS FUCKING PLANK (YEAH!)


Music/title: Admit It!; Say Anything
_ _

 

“Cause I’m proud of my life and the things that I have done;
Proud of myself and the loner I’ve become.”

. . … …. .

 

I’ve never cried at a concert before.

I’ve never felt such a connection with a band as this.
Perhaps it’s his lyrics.
Perhaps it’s his own bi-polar disorder’s pertinence to my mother.
Maybe he makes me hate her just a little bit less..

 

Seventeen years, two days, and fifty-four songs later-
Max Bemis still performs each and every note as if it’s his first.

The emotion portrayed was breathtaking,
and with his final ‘Walk Through Hell’ I couldn’t help myself…

 

/ / /

 
And I say yeah (what do you..)

Remember last year when you told me, to always stay here and never leave me.. (The light from your eyes made it feel like we-e-e-e were dancing in the moonlight)


Music/title: Moonlight; Grace Vanderwaal
_ _

 

“These will be a life long stories.”

. . …

 

Four days and counting.
If you could see me now..

My life- In boxes again.
But this time I am making a home for myself.
I am creating everything that you took from me.

I am in control.

 

And you won’t ever take it from me again.
 

Black Beatles in the city, be back immediately- Sent flowers, but you said you didn’t receive them.. (Said you didn’t need them)


Music/title: Black Beatles; Our Last Night
_ _

 

“There is nothing to explain.”

. . …
 

Only two more weeks until I hit refresh on this life.

Sometimes I wish I had parents to see how far I’ve progressed.
And it’s time like these that I miss her. Or the idea of her, at least.

I wonder if she’s sane enough to feel regret.

 

I wonder if I truly care anymore.
 

Daddy, I don’t wanna grow up anyway- Grown ups are all sad… (Doesn’t matter where I come from anyway)


Music/title: #Grownupz; FEiN
_ _

 

“I’ll grow up and get sad.”

. …. .

 

If only I’d known…
 

I think of where I’ve come, and what I’ve done in my life-
As a child others would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I imagine most children aspire to make a difference; a change in the world.

Not me.

All I saw in my life was the horror of being locked in that house.
No friends. No family. No escape.
I would think, ‘Why would I want these complicated things they desire?’
For me, the common dreams were beyond grasp.
But, more than that-
I didn’t feel the hunger for them.

What did I want out of my life?
What were my dreams?

.

[ I suppose..
…Someone to love me. Someone *I* can love!
Someone that won’t hurt me the way everyone else does.. And… A home.

Something the complete opposite of now!
A place of my own to spend time with the person I love..
]

Almost two decades later…
People ask me if I’m excited to be purchasing my first home..

 

If only they knew.

/ / /

 
It keeps me jump jump jumpin’ and-ah..

You gave up being good when you declared a state of war… (I DON’T BEHAVE, I DON’T BEHAVE, OH EH)


Music/title: Kill V. Maim; Grimes
_ _

 

“Oh, the fire, it’s alright.
The people touch it-
I can’t touch it, even though it’s mine.”

. .. …

 

I couldn’t think of a single trait of hers I carried within me.

Was I happy?
Would I really want to be like her?

I sure used to think so.
I haven’t thought of her in a while.
I haven’t needed to.

She could be dead with all the others as far as I know.
…Wouldn’t that be a treat.

Do you think most daughters wish their mothers dead today?

 

Can you even stomach the concept?

/ / /

 
And I do what I can.

And I’ve fallen for you… (You’re nothing, you’re nothing)

03.12.16 -0
Music/title: Let’s Fall In Love Some More; Al Bairre
_ _

 

“…You’re nothing like me.”

. . … .

 

You are right.
You were there with me through a lot of fucked up shit- But we are separate people.
With separate interests.
And despite how much you love me,
I don’t think you really like me as a person.

You don’t like any of the people I am friends with.
Or the people I date.
Or the choices I make in life-
What is left but the bond from being held hostage together?

I stopped talking to you years ago.
You are the one that wanted to start this again, if you remember.
 

So maybe it’s better this way after all…

 

/ / /

 
Forever, and not at all..

I can run, I can change all the answers… (Or what I hope they’d be)

11.21.15 -0
Music/title: Hope; We Came As Romans
_ _

 

“Don’t fade away…”

. .. . …

 

Isn’t it always this way?
Always on the wrong side of the glass- Looking in, never out…

I know you’re scared.
I know deep down that you’re fighting the inevitable.
And I wish I could give you my experiences; taking all the horrible things I’ve done-
Showing you it’s not so bad as all that.

 

Someday, love.
We will be free from this… From them..

 
One day.

 

And you’ll never know anyone now….

10.19.15 -1

Music/title: Fog; From Indian Lakes
_ _

 

“But if you get up now, you can try to survive.”

. . .. …

 

I would’ve given you anything in that moment-
Whatever you named, it was yours…

Holding your head in my lap, as I did a year ago…
I felt your tears streaming onto my skin-
My heart aching to watch you desperately cling to the boy inside.

 

You’re never really old enough to deal with these things.
….And I’m sorry you have to.

 

/ / /

 
I’ve been trying to figure it out my whole life…

07.04.15 [41/52] But the devil is inside me, and he is whispering in my ear, “Everyone in the world would like you dead…”

06.28.15
Music/title: Our Father Is Missing; From Indian Lakes
_ _

 

“…My God what have we become?!”

. . … .

 

When did things change between us?
I was always your shadow; always following so desperately in your ever so confident footsteps.
I was the youngest, older sibling I knew… And yet, here we are.

 

…Let’s see you fill my shoes now.

 

/ / /

 
And he can barely see me…