Music/title: Changes; Mutemath
“I’m not understood.”
.. .. ……
Life has been one roller coaster after another lately.
I don’t know what’s up or down, and I’m not entirely sure that’s how I want it.
But that’s normal right?
Aren’t we always uncertain about something in our lives?
I’m unsure about this.
But, maybe we are overdue…
Music/title: Go With It; TOKiMONSTA
“Ay oh, let it go-
See the big picture
Explode- Like a light bulb,
Let it unfold.
Just go, go with it.”
/ / /
…Does this make me weak?
Music/title: I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy; Fall Out Boy
“You can’t cover it up.”
. …. ..
Is it normal to feel this much disappointment?
I mean, I know it’s fairly common, but this is borderline suffocating….
I keep thinking I can hold out. I can make it work!
..Only to be let down once again.
I hate them. ALL of them.
I hope the fucking cunts burn in their sleep.
Maybe I’m just jealous.
Jealous that I am not them.
Jealous that I didn’t stay where I belonged….
…Can I stop being an adult now?
/ / /
It’s so, so fitting…
Music/title: Transition (Dillon Francis/DWNTWN Remix); Dillon Francis
“I really should have seen it, happened all the time…”
. .. …
So desperate for that simple human connection,
yet so afraid of failure surely to achieve in the consequence…
[ Maybe you’re not as strong as you thought after all. ]
Music/title: For The Silent; Say Anything
“It’s not much better than death,
Giving up on everything.”
. .. … .
I keep thinking I’ll get lucky.
That just the right person must be out there, somewhere…
I am hopeful. I am nostalgic. (I am lonely.)
And it consumes me.
Why should I care?
Why should I need them to ‘complete’ myself?
[ Because you’re weak. ]
Faith in humanity… To think that people call this a strength….
It’s a fucking hindrance to my sanity.
. … …
Maybe he made me this way,
Maybe this is how I’ve always been..
…Does the road traveled really change this outcome?
Music/title: Happy Up Here (Boys Noize Remix); Röyksopp
“My favorite record is playing again..”
. . . .. .
Sometimes I think of you.
I think of how it was, and how it could’ve been..
( …Wondering if you still visit? )
I often find myself wishing circumstances were different,
But we both know that can never be.
….Here’s to hoping hatred outlasts everything else.
/ / /
You know I really like it.
Music/title: Invisible Monsters; Motion City Soundtrack
“Yet when push comes to shove and all the above,
I decide to live the lie.”
. . .. . …. .
I’d like to say I have it all figure out,
But you know better than anyone that’s not true.
. . .
Why am I here… Why are any of us?
Everyone thinks they have the answers….
But what makes me so comfortable admitting that I don’t?
I used to watch the world around me.
I watched everyone live encompassed in their safe, warm little bubbles of life.
I watched them stuck in their day-in-day-out routine,
When, in reality, I felt I was one of the few people truly living…
What made me so different?
Because I knew how harsh and cruel the world could actually be?
[ …Does my strength make you weak? ]
I lost a friend because I felt them inferior.
I lost a friend because I loved them enough to tell them the truth.
I lost a friend because that truth brought them fear…
Maybe this is how it always ends.
Maybe this is how it will always be.
…..What makes me so comfortable admitting that?
Music/title: Lean On (Major Lazer x DJ Snake feat. MØ cover); Miracles of Modern Science
“We would only hold on to let go.”
. .. . …
[ Was it comfortable?
…Did you revel in the slight attempt of self destruction? ]
. . .
I wonder- Am I merely a fake?
Like everyone else- Only after my own gratification?
I used to watch you pass by; judging so harshly the perfect sphere you found yourself within..
Hurting others for my own self fulfillment.
…How much better could I truly be?
/ / /
Blow a kiss, fire a gun…
Music/title: Fake You Out; Twenty One Pilots
“And silence gives you space.”
.. .. ..
One friend gained, another pushed farther away…
Is this always what we’re to become?
/ / /
Cause I am quiet now..
Music/title: Handsome Girl; Danielle Ate the Sandwich
“One thing I do know.. That he loves you-
Probably more than anyone else ever will.”
.. … ..
The closer we get, the harder my lungs collapse.
I feel like I don’t how to do this; like I am blindly throwing myself forward..
..Yet all I can think of is your smile.
Your big, loving eyes staring down at me. I see my entire body fold in on itself with every breath, and I see your face.. I see how wonderfully happy I’ve made you. I see all those years of waiting; all the years of standing by through friendship… Hoping each day I might be ready for it.
A whole year and a half- those words…
And it’s then I realize you’re all I’ve ever wanted from anything.
/ / /
And I have chosen to choose you..