Another door, another question- I’m going ’round in circles, wondering when I’ll reach the end… (and I can’t help but give in)


Music/title: 1000 Doors; The Living Tombstone
_ _

 

“I’m losing the sense of where I am.”

. .. .

 

Exhaustion doesn’t even begin to cover it.

I miss this.
I miss the therapeutic nature of it all. I want to peel back the layers I have pasted onto myself; to escape the norm. This is what we aim for, right? The materialism. The cookie cutters, and decisive actions.

I can feel how close we are.

 

…Why can’t we grasp it?

 

Oh, and what’s the world becoming? No.. (What have we- What have we done?)


Music/title: Drowning World feat. Bjurman; Andrew Applepie
_ _

 

“So, so, so- “

. … ..

 

Covering it up breaks my heart.
Preemptively, even more so.

But it it must be done.
Twenty-eight years, and I’m ready for change. I’ve grown too comfortable in this world, in this skin. I need new.
I need out of routine.

“So, so, so- “

 

It must be done.

/ / /

 

I highly recommend this song.
A big thank you to Casey Neistat for introducing me to the love that is Andrew Applepie. <3

She said, “Drink that love don’t demand it. ‘Cause baby I can’t stand it when you look so pathetic…”


Music/title: Young Robot; Dance Gavin Dance
_ _

 

“Feeling like a savage,
You know I gotta have it.”

. ..

 

I thought I would enjoy firing her.
It was so justified, you know?

But here I am.
Drinking with Dance Gavin Dance.. Reminiscing in 2013.

What am I doing?

*sigh*

 

Two more months.
I can keep it together for two more months. ..Right?

/ / /

 
It’s been long time coming..

Live wide awake (yeah), am I a stranger? Just all alone.. (Addicted to my other self)


Music/title: Good Morning; Grouplove
_ _

 

“And I can’t tell.”

. . ..

 

I’ll never understand other women.
I’m just trying to be a manager, buy a house- be an adult
And they are just a bunch of dramatic bitches cry babies.

You’ll never get anywhere in life, if you don’t grow a fucking pair. Christ.

 

Ranting aside, yes!
I am buying a house. Or at least in the process of doing so.
HOW EXCITING! :D

Really-
We are beyond excited. We’ve been looking since January, and it’s picture perfect. Literally- I’m going to take a million pictures, because the house is a piece of fucking art. GAH.

The floors…

*sighs*

 

…Just you wait and see.

/ / /

 
p.s. A late 2016 selfie treat. ::smiles::

Oh, Devil, I know you’re afraid. Sometimes it’s hard to learn from all your mistakes….


Music/title: Oh Devil; Electric Guest
_ _

 

“And deep inside,
I’m sure I got here all by myself.”

. . .
 

Two years since I’ve been here.
Surely you’d think I was scared,
But quite the contrary.
I know myself better these days than ever before-
What’s to be scared of?

I felt like taking something more.. harsh.
A bit of rough edges, to match…

.
 

What kind of girl are you now?

I can taste it on my tongue, but I couldn’t keep it all in my grasp… (How can I hope to ever find you now?)

01-02-17
Music/title: Ghost; From Indian Lakes
_ _

 

“I can’t look away,
but I don’t wanna meet your eyes.”

.. . . …. .

 

Do you see me making an effort?
I’m trying, really. I truly am.
But it’s hard. My thoughts are pressing against all the happiness I feel.
Why am I so sad lately?
…Not depressed sadness, but a feeling of longing. An overwhelming, consistent wave of emotions.
Is this my body trying to tell me it’s time? Have I waited too long?

.

Your skin is never close enough to mine. ..why am I this unsettled?
You are there.
Everyday, you are there for me. …Yet,
I still don’t know what I need.

I think this is all part of my sickness.
The reason I was ever so afraid to love you-

 
So afraid of the possible effects,
that I’m caught in the endless cycle of hurting myself….

 

…How can I hope to be where you are?

/ / /

 
And I’m holding out my hand to you…