Music/title: End Credits; EDEN
“Cause happy endings hardest to fake.”
. . ….
It didn’t sting nearly as much this time..
[ We did her a favor, really. ]
The colder it gets, the easier it becomes-
But you’d never guess.
I’ll bet you think I don’t have a heartless bone in my body.
That’s where you’d be wrong.
/ / /
So let’s run..
Music/title: Young Robot; Dance Gavin Dance
“Feeling like a savage,
You know I gotta have it.”
I thought I would enjoy firing her.
It was so justified, you know?
But here I am.
Drinking with Dance Gavin Dance.. Reminiscing in 2013.
What am I doing?
Two more months.
I can keep it together for two more months. ..Right?
/ / /
It’s been long time coming..
Music/title: Phantoms and Friends; Old Man Canyon
“I know all your names,
Pointing different ways,
Let me out.”
. . .. .. ..
Up, and up, and up,
And down we go.
….Ist das nicht immer so?
/ / /
So now it’s time to see the cards you’re dealt..
Music/title: Ghost; From Indian Lakes
“I can’t look away,
but I don’t wanna meet your eyes.”
.. . . …. .
Do you see me making an effort?
I’m trying, really. I truly am.
But it’s hard. My thoughts are pressing against all the happiness I feel.
Why am I so sad lately?
…Not depressed sadness, but a feeling of longing. An overwhelming, consistent wave of emotions.
Is this my body trying to tell me it’s time? Have I waited too long?
Your skin is never close enough to mine. ..why am I this unsettled?
You are there.
Everyday, you are there for me. …Yet,
I still don’t know what I need.
I think this is all part of my sickness.
The reason I was ever so afraid to love you-
So afraid of the possible effects,
that I’m caught in the endless cycle of hurting myself….
…How can I hope to be where you are?
/ / /
And I’m holding out my hand to you…
Music/title: Man Makes The Zoo; Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker
“As it comes, it goes.”
. .. …
Our ‘happily ever after’
Here’s to never forgetting how imminently we keep to our death.
Music/title: Lovely Thing Suite: Knots; Watsky
“To burn, to worship, to mislead…”
… . …. … .
Demanding yet another relentless thud of hatred…
Don’t you love me? ..they say
Don’t you want to join us!? ..they cry
Ungrateful, weak-minded pieces of-
YOU ARE SO FAR FROM REALITY.
Want to know what it’s truly like on the other side?
/ / /
Here’s to coming up from the down-
To life, and the wondrous journey towards our death:
Watsky = x Infinity
Music/title: Chemical Angel; Watsky
“I’m already saved.”
. . ……
And just like that-
Everything is better than it ever was before.
Time to unlock my peripatetic home once again…
/ / /
Chemical angel; comfort I crave…
Music/title: Transition (Dillon Francis/DWNTWN Remix); Dillon Francis
“I really should have seen it, happened all the time…”
. .. …
So desperate for that simple human connection,
yet so afraid of failure surely to achieve in the consequence…
[ Maybe you’re not as strong as you thought after all. ]
Music/title: Happy Up Here (Boys Noize Remix); Röyksopp
“My favorite record is playing again..”
. . . .. .
Sometimes I think of you.
I think of how it was, and how it could’ve been..
( …Wondering if you still visit? )
I often find myself wishing circumstances were different,
But we both know that can never be.
….Here’s to hoping hatred outlasts everything else.
/ / /
You know I really like it.
Music/title: Invisible Monsters; Motion City Soundtrack
“Yet when push comes to shove and all the above,
I decide to live the lie.”
. . .. . …. .
I’d like to say I have it all figure out,
But you know better than anyone that’s not true.
. . .
Why am I here… Why are any of us?
Everyone thinks they have the answers….
But what makes me so comfortable admitting that I don’t?
I used to watch the world around me.
I watched everyone live encompassed in their safe, warm little bubbles of life.
I watched them stuck in their day-in-day-out routine,
When, in reality, I felt I was one of the few people truly living…
What made me so different?
Because I knew how harsh and cruel the world could actually be?
[ …Does my strength make you weak? ]
I lost a friend because I felt them inferior.
I lost a friend because I loved them enough to tell them the truth.
I lost a friend because that truth brought them fear…
Maybe this is how it always ends.
Maybe this is how it will always be.
…..What makes me so comfortable admitting that?