Music/title: Young Robot; Dance Gavin Dance
“Feeling like a savage,
You know I gotta have it.”
I thought I would enjoy firing her.
It was so justified, you know?
But here I am.
Drinking with Dance Gavin Dance.. Reminiscing in 2013.
What am I doing?
Two more months.
I can keep it together for two more months. ..Right?
/ / /
It’s been long time coming..
Music/title: Kill V. Maim; Grimes
“Oh, the fire, it’s alright.
The people touch it-
I can’t touch it, even though it’s mine.”
. .. …
I couldn’t think of a single trait of hers I carried within me.
Was I happy?
Would I really want to be like her?
I sure used to think so.
I haven’t thought of her in a while.
I haven’t needed to.
She could be dead with all the others as far as I know.
…Wouldn’t that be a treat.
Do you think most daughters wish their mothers dead today?
…Can you even stomach the concept?
/ / /
And I do what I can.
Music/title: I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy; Fall Out Boy
“You can’t cover it up.”
. …. ..
Is it normal to feel this much disappointment?
I mean, I know it’s fairly common, but this is borderline suffocating….
I keep thinking I can hold out. I can make it work!
..Only to be let down once again.
I hate them. ALL of them.
I hope the fucking cunts burn in their sleep.
Maybe I’m just jealous.
Jealous that I am not them.
Jealous that I didn’t stay where I belonged….
…Can I stop being an adult now?
/ / /
It’s so, so fitting…
Music/title: Below; From Indian Lakes
“I am like them,
reaching for anything else.”
. ….. ..
Such a feeble, simple minded piece of human garbage- I truly loathe every fiber of you.
The same could be said for most, I s’pose….
But really- Is it so goddamn hard?!
You truly do create quite the unique hell…
And I can’t wait for the day it finally burns you up for good.
Music/title: Lovely Thing Suite: Knots; Watsky
“To burn, to worship, to mislead…”
… . …. … .
Demanding yet another relentless thud of hatred…
Don’t you love me? ..they say
Don’t you want to join us!? ..they cry
Ungrateful, weak-minded pieces of-
YOU ARE SO FAR FROM REALITY.
Want to know what it’s truly like on the other side?
/ / /
Here’s to coming up from the down-
To life, and the wondrous journey towards our death:
Watsky = x Infinity
Music/title: What’s Up, People?!; Maximum the Hormone
“Is your life boring? (Ikiru imi tsumaran ka?)
Are you trembling with rage?
. . ….
So you need me, do you?
You think your ‘suicide’ will make me love you again?
You’re a weak, pathetic excuse for a human, and I don’t need this shit.
Think I care about your worthless, menial life?
….You’re fucking insane.
/ / /
Henken-inken ningen funda ugokidase ore FIGHT…
Music/title: All Choked Up; Say Anything
“Oh can you see me now?”
. .. ….
I felt the anger, the frustration all bubbling up inside me.
But there you lay- So small… So caught up in fighting your inner demons.
I felt it all melting. Felt the tiny strings of my heart pulling tight with each thought….
Fucking worthless- Piece of insignificant shit. …How could you?!
I closed my eyes, pressing my head against yours..
My hands clutched at the base of your neck.
I let my lips find you.
I felt your apathy. Your hatred. And I felt every demon.
…I kissed you again. And again… I felt your seclusion falling away,
And I felt you kiss me back…
Is this what it means?
To so strongly love that you cease your own emotions…
Music/title: The Sadness Will Never End; Bring Me the Horizon
“And you’re trapped in your past,
Like it’s six feet under.”
. .. …
Don’t you think I fucking know..?
You think I haven’t tried to forgive and forget?
Go on- You tell me how to “fix it.”
You give me a quick and easy solution, step by step instructions now..
And I’ll fucking do it.
But don’t you tell me she can’t help it-
Don’t proclaim “Everyone can be saved” and “She’s still human.”
And DON’T fucking feed me that bullshit about your God..
Where was he when she nearly burned herself alive?
And when she was attempting murder, where was your God then?
. .. …
Think I’m going to die if I keep harboring these feelings? –So fucking be it!
Your God should fucking know I’ve tried to forgive that worthless, incompetent piece of shit.
Your “fix” isn’t going to save anyone…
And it sure as hell isn’t going to save me.
Music/title: Habits of My Heart; Jaymes Young
“You can fuck yourself.”
.. . ….
You think you just have everything over me-
You have absolutely fucking nothing.
And here we go again…
Breathing that ever suffocating smoke.
Music/title: I Don’t Care If You’re Contagious; Pierce the Veil
Is it really their fault?
. .. . . . ..
I’d like to believe not. I’d like to believe the best in everyone..
But that’s never the case. It’s always the fucking same. [ …Such fucking pathetic pieces of shit. ]
Sometimes I tell myself I’m helping them, but really… I’m not. I’m just using them.
[ Everyone’s gotta get to the top somehow, right? ]
They dug their own graves… Now I’m just burying them.