Music/title: Salt; Bad Suns
“And I don’t believe in the truth, truth.”
. . . .. . . … . .
I shouldn’t have cried.
I shouldn’t have given you hope.
I should’ve spoken every bitter word I swallowed.
But I listened.
Because that’s what you do, right?
That’s what’s polite?
[ I was merely being polite. ]
It didn’t affect me.
[ I didn’t wish to believe. ]
What do you do when the darkest parts of you are shaken?
…You hope to hell that you’re right.
Music/title: Admit It!; Say Anything
“Cause I’m proud of my life and the things that I have done;
Proud of myself and the loner I’ve become.”
. . … …. .
I’ve never cried at a concert before.
I’ve never felt such a connection with a band as this.
Perhaps it’s his lyrics.
Perhaps it’s his own bi-polar disorder’s pertinence to my mother.
Maybe he makes me hate her just a little bit less..
Seventeen years, two days, and fifty-four songs later-
Max Bemis still performs each and every note as if it’s his first.
The emotion portrayed was breathtaking,
and with his final ‘Walk Through Hell’ I couldn’t help myself…
/ / /
And I say yeah (what do you..)
Music/title: Changes; Mutemath
“I’m not understood.”
.. .. ……
Life has been one roller coaster after another lately.
I don’t know what’s up or down, and I’m not entirely sure that’s how I want it.
But that’s normal right?
Aren’t we always uncertain about something in our lives?
I’m unsure about this.
But, maybe we are overdue…
Music/title: Moonlight; Grace Vanderwaal
“These will be a life long stories.”
. . …
Four days and counting.
If you could see me now..
My life- In boxes again.
But this time I am making a home for myself.
I am creating everything that you took from me.
I am in control.
And you won’t ever take it from me again.
Music/title: #Grownupz; FEiN
“I’ll grow up and get sad.”
. …. .
If only I’d known…
I think of where I’ve come, and what I’ve done in my life-
As a child others would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I imagine most children aspire to make a difference; a change in the world.
All I saw in my life was the horror of being locked in that house.
No friends. No family. No escape.
I would think, ‘Why would I want these complicated things they desire?’
For me, the common dreams were beyond grasp.
But, more than that-
I didn’t feel the hunger for them.
What did I want out of my life?
What were my dreams?
[ I suppose..
…Someone to love me. Someone *I* can love!
Someone that won’t hurt me the way everyone else does.. And… A home.
Something the complete opposite of now!
A place of my own to spend time with the person I love.. ]
Almost two decades later…
People ask me if I’m excited to be purchasing my first home..
If only they knew.
/ / /
It keeps me jump jump jumpin’ and-ah..
Music/title: Waves; Electric Guest
“Oh, my mind, is all
Washed away, all away.”
. . .
More uneventful than most birthdays, I would say.
Yet, with the right company-
One of the best…….
I love you.
I’d take a gluten free snack adventure over gifts any day.
Bunches of love,
/ / /
And always such a pretty thing..
Music/title: Go With It; TOKiMONSTA
“Ay oh, let it go-
See the big picture
Explode- Like a light bulb,
Let it unfold.
Just go, go with it.”
/ / /
…Does this make me weak?
Music/title: Snowship (Thomas Jack Remix); Benjamin Francis Leftwich
“Your heart’s wired up to the eyes in your head,
and they’re flashing bright.”
. .. …
I look back, and I am reminded every reason my heart latched onto yours.
The reasons I denied for so long, now seem so very important.
Still, my chest swells and collapses within your eyes…
/ / /
“I was only looking for the treasure in the dark.”
Music/title: We Are The Sound; Alexisonfire
“Say you want it, you need it.”
If only my heart could harden to match yours.
Perhaps you saw the coldness inside of me first-
Why do I feel such a compulsion to watch you at your best?
Perhaps I am still trying to outdo the darkness living inside..
Something to truly brings me to my knees.
Isn’t that all I ever want?
To be your slave?
Through their death.
I don’t know who I am anymore.
/ / /
There is nothing but anger burning inside of me..
Music/title: Sleepless Club (WEKEED Boot); Lorde vs Flume
Take the pill, make it too real.
The other day I forgot my old address. I’m sitting pretty on the throne.
There’s nothing more I want, except to be alone..
. . ….. … ..
“There was no real sense of life,
because she had nothing to contrast it with.
The lower you fall, the higher you’ll fly.
The farther you run, the more God wants you back.
Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved.”
~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club
/ / /
It’s a day for words and curves.
Where do you see yourself at the end of your life?
Comment for me.