Music/title: I Want To Know Your Plans; Say Anything
_ _
. .. .
I miss you too.
I’m trying.. Really, I am.
I know it doesn’t seem like it, but the effort is there… Somewhere..
Hidden beneath all the spreadsheets and grocery lists..
Somewhere there exists a spark..
And I’m going to find it.
/ / /
Music/title: Caviar Dreams; Al Bairre (Feat. PHFat)
_ _
.. .. .
It surely is a dream.
Nothing could feel this good.
.
For the first time in my life it doesn’t hurt.
I’m not inflamed.
It doesn’t itch. Or feel dry.
My skin isn’t covered in sores and blisters from my moments of weakness.
For the first time in my life I feel human.
To think, an eleven year old changed my life.
..What were you doing at eleven?
If you’d told me 15 years ago that I’d have this level of peace with my disease,
I’d say you were fucking nuts.
I wish I could meet Lani Lazzari,
If only to fully explain the life-changing-impact her invention has had on me.
Finally..
My skin can feel like home.
/ / /
You’d been wading in the deep, dancing through your downfall…
Music/title: End Credits; EDEN
_ _
. . ….
It didn’t sting nearly as much this time..
[ We did her a favor, really. ]
The colder it gets, the easier it becomes-
But you’d never guess.
– –
I’ll bet you think I don’t have a heartless bone in my body.
That’s where you’d be wrong.
/ / /
Music/title: Salt; Bad Suns
_ _
. . . .. . . … . .
I shouldn’t have cried.
I shouldn’t have given you hope.
I should’ve spoken every bitter word I swallowed.
But I listened.
Because that’s what you do, right?
That’s what’s polite?
[ I was merely being polite. ]
It didn’t affect me.
[ I didn’t wish to believe. ]
___ ___
What do you do when the darkest parts of you are shaken?
…You hope to hell that you’re right.
Music/title: Don’t Fuck This Up; Andrew Applepie
_ _
. .
I saw myself in her;
A former self-
A truly dedicated slave.
Surely she’s still alive in there.
The older I get, the further away it becomes.
A more distant dream.
One I used to have, to want daily..
Where did it go?
Who have I become?
It’s okay if I like the changes, right?
…Right.
.
[ You know you could always ask him.
He knows more about you than you think.
..Don’t forget how this all began. ]
/ / /
Good Mythical Morning.
::smiles::
Music/title: Say My Name (Emancipator Remix); ODESZA
_ _
. . .. .
Just tell him already.
…You know you want it.
Music/title: Atlas; Good Kid
_ _
. . .. ..
This is out of character.
But isn’t everything lately?
I mean honestly, what hasn’t changed?
I tell myself I will be complete when X happens, but X never comes, does it?
We never reach the end; The course never goes as planned..
And we’re not the character we intended to become.
/ / /
Music/title: Changes; Mutemath
_ _
.. .. ……
Life has been one roller coaster after another lately.
I don’t know what’s up or down, and I’m not entirely sure that’s how I want it.
But that’s normal right?
The uncertainty?
Aren’t we always uncertain about something in our lives?
I’m unsure about this.
But, maybe we are overdue…
Music/title: Freaky Love; Captain Kidd
_ _
. . .. .
I see the remnants of the fire, but where is the spark?
.
The slow down is building.
The desire is fueling,
But I can’t seem to ignite.
. .
“And what I need
Is your body
(Your freaky love)”
Music/title: Moonlight; Grace Vanderwaal
_ _
. . …
Four days and counting.
If you could see me now..
My life- In boxes again.
But this time I am making a home for myself.
I am creating everything that you took from me.
I am in control.
And you won’t ever take it from me again.
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