Look; Critics in the sea, light beneath the deep.. (Just to get a taste)

Music/title: Some Assembly Required; Abhi The Nomad (ft. Foster)
_ _


“Is my pleasure, divine center.”

. .


Three deep, so far so good.

It’s different this time.
Almost, simple..
Everything is getting less complicated.

Your work.
Your health.
Your love.

I’m afraid to get too comfortable.
Seems there’s always something to drag me down.

But.. Maybe not.
Maybe that’s what they mean by growth?
We can only grow from experiences.
We can only learn from living-
From the success to the catastrophic failures, we achieve…


That’s just it;
They are all achievements.

And in the end, it all accumulates to the same:


…We are the stuff of stars.


These memories are nothing to me, just salt in the wound…

Music/title: Salt; Bad Suns
_ _


“And I don’t believe in the truth, truth.”

. . . .. . . … . .


I shouldn’t have cried.
I shouldn’t have given you hope.
I should’ve spoken every bitter word I swallowed.
But I listened.


Because that’s what you do, right?
That’s what’s polite?

[ I was merely being polite. ]

It didn’t affect me.
[ I didn’t wish to believe. ]

___ ___


What do you do when the darkest parts of you are shaken?


…You hope to hell that you’re right.

Daddy, I don’t wanna grow up anyway- Grown ups are all sad… (Doesn’t matter where I come from anyway)

Music/title: #Grownupz; FEiN
_ _


“I’ll grow up and get sad.”

. …. .


If only I’d known…

I think of where I’ve come, and what I’ve done in my life-
As a child others would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I imagine most children aspire to make a difference; a change in the world.

Not me.

All I saw in my life was the horror of being locked in that house.
No friends. No family. No escape.
I would think, ‘Why would I want these complicated things they desire?’
For me, the common dreams were beyond grasp.
But, more than that-
I didn’t feel the hunger for them.

What did I want out of my life?
What were my dreams?


[ I suppose..
…Someone to love me. Someone *I* can love!
Someone that won’t hurt me the way everyone else does.. And… A home.

Something the complete opposite of now!
A place of my own to spend time with the person I love..

Almost two decades later…
People ask me if I’m excited to be purchasing my first home..


If only they knew.

/ / /

It keeps me jump jump jumpin’ and-ah..

She said, “Drink that love don’t demand it. ‘Cause baby I can’t stand it when you look so pathetic…”

Music/title: Young Robot; Dance Gavin Dance
_ _


“Feeling like a savage,
You know I gotta have it.”

. ..


I thought I would enjoy firing her.
It was so justified, you know?

But here I am.
Drinking with Dance Gavin Dance.. Reminiscing in 2013.

What am I doing?



Two more months.
I can keep it together for two more months. ..Right?

/ / /

It’s been long time coming..

You gave up being good when you declared a state of war… (I DON’T BEHAVE, I DON’T BEHAVE, OH EH)

Music/title: Kill V. Maim; Grimes
_ _


“Oh, the fire, it’s alright.
The people touch it-
I can’t touch it, even though it’s mine.”

. .. …


I couldn’t think of a single trait of hers I carried within me.

Was I happy?
Would I really want to be like her?

I sure used to think so.
I haven’t thought of her in a while.
I haven’t needed to.

She could be dead with all the others as far as I know.
…Wouldn’t that be a treat.

Do you think most daughters wish their mothers dead today?


Can you even stomach the concept?

/ / /

And I do what I can.

Listen once to me…

Music/title: My Friends Never Die; ODESZA
_ _


“Nothing is as good as you can imagine it.
No one is as beautiful as she is in your head.
Nothing is as exciting as your fantasy.”

~Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

. . .


I just don’t know about myself lately.



“We’ve taken the world apart,
but we have no idea what to do with the pieces.”


My life, my love, my drive, it came from… Pain! (You made me a, you made me a believer, believer)

Music/title: Believer; Imagine Dragons
_ _


“Don’t you tell me what you think that I can be.”

… . .


and Again. and Again.
It’s what you want, right?
Your goals quickly coming to an end.

Who will you be now?
What will inflict the pain you so desire?

. . 

“You made me a,
You made me a believer.”

/ / /

Never ending shifting.
The changes are so frequent lately I can’t keep up.
But we’re happy if we’re not paying too close attention to the detail, right?



I do believe I am.

I fell in love at the open houses, I felt a little bit broken ’bout it. And now I know- You know I’ll follow you but.. (Where do we go from here?)

Music/title: Where Do We Go From Here?; Al Bairre
_ _


“Cause I saw the good and the bad in me,
But never which one I should be.”

. . .. ….. .


Is it real this time?
Am I finally reaching the surface?

A home.
A true home.
It all happened so fast- I was so against it, and then… It clicked; Everything fell into place. And now I can’t imagine anything else. My resolve deteriorates as we speak; My heart beating faster at the idea…

Do you know what this means to me?

No more boxes.
No more unsettled tendencies.


[ Does this mean I will finally feel complete? ]


No, love.
There is no such thing as complete.
Don’t you see?
We are never done,
But.. We are fulfilled.
We are happy,
and happier upon losing the unhappiness.
Don’t you see..?


[ Da, We are to survive.
And this is just the beginning… ]

Oh, these soft legged girls, and hard faced boys…. (Do you wish to feel complete?)

Music/title: We Are The Sound; Alexisonfire
_ _


“Say you want it, you need it.”

. ..

If only my heart could harden to match yours.

Perhaps you saw the coldness inside of me first-
Why do I feel such a compulsion to watch you at your best?

Perhaps I am still trying to outdo the darkness living inside..
Something to truly brings me to my knees.

. .

Isn’t that all I ever want?
To serve?
To be your slave?

Through sickness,
Through their death.

. . 

I don’t know who I am anymore.

/ / /

There is nothing but anger burning inside of me..

I’m sick of words that hang above my head- What about the kid? (It’s time the kid got FREE)

Music/title: Sleepless Club (WEKEED Boot); Lorde vs Flume
_ _


Take the pill, make it too real.
The other day I forgot my old address. I’m sitting pretty on the throne.
There’s nothing more I want, except to be alone..

. . ….. … ..


“There was no real sense of life,
because she had nothing to contrast it with.
The lower you fall, the higher you’ll fly.
The farther you run, the more God wants you back.

Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved.”

~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club


/ / /


It’s a day for words and curves.
Where do you see yourself at the end of your life?

Comment for me.