A boy with a coin, he crammed in his jeans. Then making a wish, he tossed in the sea…

05.01.14 -1
 
Music/title: Boy With A Coin; Iron & Wine
_ _
 
 
We crawled into the back of his car, and I suddenly remembered last year..
 
The way I had crossed that ever so thinning line between us being ‘just friends’ and ‘something more.’ I threw my things aside and laid my head against his chest. This was where I belonged. With him. ..It was always with him, and it was never enough. He played this song, knowing I’d fallen in love with him to it. The glass was starting to fog, and I could see the clear reflection of the face he’d drawn for me last year.
Everything was so perfect...
 
He sat up, held my hands in his, and I could feel every emotion swell up inside me..
 
.. .. .. ..
 
“Does this song still give you butterflies?”
 
[ Yes… Do you still get them with me? ]
 
“Yes.”
 
[ I can never see them anymore.. When do you feel them? ]
 
“All the time, Bettina.
…because I love you so much.”

 
… .. . ..
 
I remember feeling sad for a moment.
Just a brief moment, thinking back to when I could see his every emotion so clearly. I missed that. It made me sad knowing that he still felt them and I couldn’t see. But then he spoke to me, and in his hands he held out a small box.. And on his face I saw the butterflies. Once again I saw his emotions, and the way he loved the ever living out of me as he asked me to spend the rest of my life by his side.
 
 
 
It was you, Arden.
Whether I realized it or not, it’s always been you..

 

06.29.13 [003] And all your love as we were; we were born to fuck each other. One way or another… (but I’ll only lie)

06.29.13
 
Music/title: Evening On The Ground (Lilith’s Song); Iron & Wine
_ _
 
 
You know that feeling when you do something wrong and you don’t get caught?
 
[ Yes. ]
 
Well, you know how you have to keep doing something
wrong until you get caught to make that feeling go away?
 
[ Yes. ]
 
That’s where she lives.
She needs to fail..
 
.. . .. .
 
 
Possibly the most simple, yet beautiful explanation of my submission I’ve yet to hear from anyone.
 
/ / /
 
 
Today….
I feel desperate.
I feel angry- full of rage and hate.
 
And I’m not sure what to think of myself at this point anymore..
 

A girl with a bird she found in the snow, then flew up her gown and that’s how she knows..

06.22.13
 
Music/title: Boy With A Coin; Iron & Wine
_ _
 
 
I feel like I know more of what I want each day,
and it isn’t what everyone else seems to be telling me.
I feel like I need to trust my feelings on this, but I’m scared to.
Things are already so fucked.. I’m okay if they get a little more so.
 
There was a point last year that I was never happier.
And I know exactly why.
And I know exactly why I’m unhappy now.
And it just keeps being proved more so every week.
 
. .. . …
 
Think about this, Bettina.
Really think about it…
 
You’re doing all the wrong things.

I’m sorry you can’t see that.