And she runs, and she waits… ( And I wait )

01.23.16 -1
Music/title: Tyler; The Toadies
_ _

 

“I will be with her tonight!”

. .. . ..

 

I thought I was so, so sure of it all..
Is it actually necessary to go through every single desire?
…Will this achieve my sense of self-fulfillment?

I’d like to think not….

. .. . ..

 
“I gave up that life for her.”

Maybe this is what he meant.
I thought finding someone to embrace that life was all that mattered…
And then I thought differently.   I thought I was wrong.

 

….I fucking hope I haven’t been right from the start.

 

/ / /

 
I hear the fear in her voice…

08.22.15 [48/52] Do you recall, not long ago- We would walk on the sidewalk… (Innocent, remember?)

08.22.15Music/title: Lean On (Major Lazer x DJ Snake feat. MØ cover); Miracles of Modern Science
_ _

 

“We would only hold on to let go.”

. .. . …

 

[ Was it comfortable?
…Did you revel in the slight attempt of self destruction? ]

 . . .

I wonder- Am I merely a fake?
Like everyone else- Only after my own gratification?
I used to watch you pass by; judging so harshly the perfect sphere you found yourself within..

 

Hurting others for my own self fulfillment.
…How much better could I truly be?
 

/ / /

 
Blow a kiss, fire a gun…

07.04.15 [41/52] But the devil is inside me, and he is whispering in my ear, “Everyone in the world would like you dead…”

06.28.15
Music/title: Our Father Is Missing; From Indian Lakes
_ _

 

“…My God what have we become?!”

. . … .

 

When did things change between us?
I was always your shadow; always following so desperately in your ever so confident footsteps.
I was the youngest, older sibling I knew… And yet, here we are.

 

…Let’s see you fill my shoes now.

 

/ / /

 
And he can barely see me…

I’ve let me down, down, down, down…. (Oh let me have release)

03.14.15 -19
Music/title: Release; Imagine Dragons
_ _

 

You’ve always thought so…
But what if this isn’t the right solution- What if it doesn’t ‘fix’ anything?
[ What if nothing ever fixes it... ]

Then what will you do?
[ If you never feel complete; if nothing is ever finished.. ]
If you put everything you have into this part of life,
And you’re left with less than before– You think you have all the right answers?

 

…We’re about to find out.
 

06.06.15 [37/52] So you gotta fire up, you gotta let go… You never know the top till you get too low!

05.31.15 -0
Music/title: I’m So Sorry; Imagine Dragons
_ _

 

“Does it need to be complicated?

You have an incredible story, and an artist you admire wants to hear it.
That’s validation.  A little bit more proof that you’re alive and that you have risen above your past.”

. .. …

 

I s’pose we’re past the point of being modest..
It’s all or nothing now- You think you want someone to know what you went through?

 

…Well, here we go.

 

/ / /

 
Life isn’t always what you think it’d be…

05.30.15 [36/52] Ohh, love is a polaroid- Better in picture, but never can fill the void.. (How did it come to this?)

05.26.15
Music/title: Polaroid; Imagine Dragons
_ _

 

“Your story sounds so amazing- I’m so proud of you for making your way through so many struggles and coming out on top.”

xox
dan reynolds

.. . .. ..

 
Just when you least expect it, there life goes- Blindsiding everything you know.
And just like that, everything changes…

 

/ / /
 
And I am the color of boom..

This shit my favorite song, you just don’t know the words… (But I still fuck with you, you just ain’t never heard)


Music/title: Favorite Song (feat. Childish Gambino); Chance The Rapper
_ _

 

Fuck just settling…

 
You think you’re going to get there by accepting the passable?
I say, fuck regret!  Fuck conforming to these prepackaged lives we’re dealt-
And screw the ever living out of the hand you’ve been thrown!
You weren’t given the lifestyle you want?

 

…Go out and fucking get it.

 

I can taste the failure on your lips; And I’ll save you from yourself… (Can we make it out alive?)


Music/title: The Sadness Will Never End; Bring Me the Horizon
_ _

 

“And you’re trapped in your past,
Like it’s six feet under.”

. .. …

 

Don’t you think I fucking know..?
You think I haven’t tried to forgive and forget?

Go on- You tell me how to “fix it.”
You give me a quick and easy solution, step by step instructions now..
And I’ll fucking do it.
 

But don’t you tell me she can’t help it-
Don’t proclaim “Everyone can be saved” and “She’s still human.”
And DON’T fucking feed me that bullshit about your God..
Where was he when she nearly burned herself alive?
And when she was attempting murder, where was your God then?
. .. …
 

Think I’m going to die if I keep harboring these feelings?  –So fucking be it!
Your God should fucking know I’ve tried to forgive that worthless, incompetent piece of shit.
Your “fix” isn’t going to save anyone…

 

And it sure as hell isn’t going to save me.

03.14.15 [25/52] Take your time, and I won’t ask why… (You don’t have to be anyone)


Music/title: Fog; From Indian Lakes
_ _

 

“This is what I imagine the exact opposite of dying to feel like.”

 

. . ….

 

[ I fucking love this.  Is this what you feel all the time?? ]

“No, but it is a good feeling.”

[ I almost didn’t go there.  I was so nervous.. I thought of every excuse as to why I couldn’t.  When, in reality, I was simply scared-  Scared to step outside my comfort zone.  Scared to put myself out there… To face disappointment. ]

 

“My policy is-
Punch your comfort zone in the face.”

 

/ / /

 
“You’re now stuck with that feeling forever..”