Music/title: Moonlight; Grace Vanderwaal
“These will be a life long stories.”
. . …
Four days and counting.
If you could see me now..
My life- In boxes again.
But this time I am making a home for myself.
I am creating everything that you took from me.
I am in control.
And you won’t ever take it from me again.
Music/title: #Grownupz; FEiN
“I’ll grow up and get sad.”
. …. .
If only I’d known…
I think of where I’ve come, and what I’ve done in my life-
As a child others would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I imagine most children aspire to make a difference; a change in the world.
All I saw in my life was the horror of being locked in that house.
No friends. No family. No escape.
I would think, ‘Why would I want these complicated things they desire?’
For me, the common dreams were beyond grasp.
But, more than that-
I didn’t feel the hunger for them.
What did I want out of my life?
What were my dreams?
[ I suppose..
…Someone to love me. Someone *I* can love!
Someone that won’t hurt me the way everyone else does.. And… A home.
Something the complete opposite of now!
A place of my own to spend time with the person I love.. ]
Almost two decades later…
People ask me if I’m excited to be purchasing my first home..
If only they knew.
/ / /
It keeps me jump jump jumpin’ and-ah..
Music/title: Tyler; The Toadies
“I will be with her tonight!”
. .. . ..
I thought I was so, so sure of it all..
Is it actually necessary to go through every single desire?
…Will this achieve my sense of self-fulfillment?
I’d like to think not….
. .. . ..
“I gave up that life for her.”
Maybe this is what he meant.
I thought finding someone to embrace that life was all that mattered…
And then I thought differently. I thought I was wrong.
….I fucking hope I haven’t been right from the start.
/ / /
I hear the fear in her voice…
Music/title: Lean On (Major Lazer x DJ Snake feat. MØ cover); Miracles of Modern Science
“We would only hold on to let go.”
. .. . …
[ Was it comfortable?
…Did you revel in the slight attempt of self destruction? ]
. . .
I wonder- Am I merely a fake?
Like everyone else- Only after my own gratification?
I used to watch you pass by; judging so harshly the perfect sphere you found yourself within..
Hurting others for my own self fulfillment.
…How much better could I truly be?
/ / /
Blow a kiss, fire a gun…
Music/title: Our Father Is Missing; From Indian Lakes
“…My God what have we become?!”
. . … .
When did things change between us?
I was always your shadow; always following so desperately in your ever so confident footsteps.
I was the youngest, older sibling I knew… And yet, here we are.
…Let’s see you fill my shoes now.
/ / /
And he can barely see me…
Music/title: Release; Imagine Dragons
You’ve always thought so…
But what if this isn’t the right solution- What if it doesn’t ‘fix’ anything?
[ What if nothing ever fixes it... ]
Then what will you do?
[ If you never feel complete; if nothing is ever finished.. ]
If you put everything you have into this part of life,
And you’re left with less than before– You think you have all the right answers?
…We’re about to find out.
Music/title: I’m So Sorry; Imagine Dragons
“Does it need to be complicated?
You have an incredible story, and an artist you admire wants to hear it.
That’s validation. A little bit more proof that you’re alive and that you have risen above your past.”
. .. …
I s’pose we’re past the point of being modest..
It’s all or nothing now- You think you want someone to know what you went through?
…Well, here we go.
/ / /
Life isn’t always what you think it’d be…
Music/title: Polaroid; Imagine Dragons
“Your story sounds so amazing- I’m so proud of you for making your way through so many struggles and coming out on top.”
.. . .. ..
Just when you least expect it, there life goes- Blindsiding everything you know.
And just like that, everything changes…
/ / /
And I am the color of boom..
Music/title: Favorite Song (feat. Childish Gambino); Chance The Rapper
Fuck just settling…
You think you’re going to get there by accepting the passable?
I say, fuck regret! Fuck conforming to these prepackaged lives we’re dealt-
And screw the ever living out of the hand you’ve been thrown!
You weren’t given the lifestyle you want?
…Go out and fucking get it.
Music/title: The Cheap Bouquet; Pierce the Veil
“I always knew you would come to this…”
.. .. …
And now we are exactly as was meant to be all along.
/ / /
Well, then give it up, give it up…