01.27.18 [4/52] ‘Cause we could hold our sights so close, or we could chase our heroes… (And I’ve been here before)


Music/title: Caviar Dreams; Al Bairre (Feat. PHFat)
_ _

 

“Lead me through your harmony;
We’ll sew this so your soul can breathe…”

.. .. .

 

It surely is a dream.
Nothing could feel this good.

.

For the first time in my life it doesn’t hurt.
I’m not inflamed.
It doesn’t itch. Or feel dry.
My skin isn’t covered in sores and blisters from my moments of weakness.
For the first time in my life I feel human.

To think, an eleven year old changed my life.
..What were you doing at eleven?

If you’d told me 15 years ago that I’d have this level of peace with my disease,
I’d say you were fucking nuts.

 

I wish I could meet Lani Lazzari,
If only to fully explain the life-changing-impact her invention has had on me.

Finally..

My skin can feel like home.

/ / /

 
You’d been wading in the deep, dancing through your downfall…

These memories are nothing to me, just salt in the wound…


Music/title: Salt; Bad Suns
_ _

 

“And I don’t believe in the truth, truth.”

. . . .. . . … . .

 

I shouldn’t have cried.
I shouldn’t have given you hope.
I should’ve spoken every bitter word I swallowed.
But I listened.

 

Because that’s what you do, right?
That’s what’s polite?

[ I was merely being polite. ]

It didn’t affect me.
[ I didn’t wish to believe. ]

___ ___

 

What do you do when the darkest parts of you are shaken?

 

…You hope to hell that you’re right.
 

You gave up being good when you declared a state of war… (I DON’T BEHAVE, I DON’T BEHAVE, OH EH)


Music/title: Kill V. Maim; Grimes
_ _

 

“Oh, the fire, it’s alright.
The people touch it-
I can’t touch it, even though it’s mine.”

. .. …

 

I couldn’t think of a single trait of hers I carried within me.

Was I happy?
Would I really want to be like her?

I sure used to think so.
I haven’t thought of her in a while.
I haven’t needed to.

She could be dead with all the others as far as I know.
…Wouldn’t that be a treat.

Do you think most daughters wish their mothers dead today?

 

Can you even stomach the concept?

/ / /

 
And I do what I can.

I found the cure to growing older..

01-21-17-6
Music/title: I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy; Fall Out Boy
_ _

 

“You can’t cover it up.”

. …. ..

 

Is it normal to feel this much disappointment?
I mean, I know it’s fairly common, but this is borderline suffocating….

I keep thinking I can hold out. I can make it work!
..Only to be let down once again.

I hate them. ALL of them.
I hope the fucking cunts burn in their sleep.

 

Maybe I’m just jealous.
Jealous that I am not them.
Jealous that I didn’t stay where I belonged….

::sighs::

 

…Can I stop being an adult now?

/ / /

 
It’s so, so fitting…