And days die young… (When you’re gone, and you’re gone)


Music/title: Oceans; The Fray
_ _

 

“There goes the sun, oceans away!”

. . . ..

 

Better and better it gets.
This is where I needed to be.

.

I want it all.
I want everything life took from me- All of it.
I refuse to feel guilt,
because I deserve this.

The hand life deals does not dictate the end result- don’t you let anyone tell you otherwise.

I should be dead.
But I am not.

.

 

So throw away those shitty cards.
Open a new deck- A new world.
Re-imagine life the way you want,

And take it.

I’ve got this poison running deep in my mind, my mind.. (I know you think it’s alright)


Music/title: Wasted On You (feat. ROZES); Louis Futon
_ _

 

“I’m wasted on you.”

. . … .. …..

 

Liberating doesn’t begin to cover it.
A twinge of denial, maybe.
I still can’t believe it all. Everything seems so surreal in our lives.

Did you plan this from the start?

 

A part of me believes I had nothing to do with it. That it was all thanks to others. The bad parts of my mind attempt to latch on- hopes of some form of sabotage..

..but…

..the other side.
The part that has drug me through all the blood and tears… That part is proud.
Look at how far you’ve come. ..Look at what you’ve done for yourself..

Aren’t you so happy now?

.
 

If I ever believed in a God,
now would be the time to thank him.

/ / /

 
We keep it going just like we always do, we do..

Another door, another question- I’m going ’round in circles, wondering when I’ll reach the end… (and I can’t help but give in)


Music/title: 1000 Doors; The Living Tombstone
_ _

 

“I’m losing the sense of where I am.”

. .. .

 

Exhaustion doesn’t even begin to cover it.

I miss this.
I miss the therapeutic nature of it all. I want to peel back the layers I have pasted onto myself; to escape the norm. This is what we aim for, right? The materialism. The cookie cutters, and decisive actions.

I can feel how close we are.

 

…Why can’t we grasp it?

 

Remember last year when you told me, to always stay here and never leave me.. (The light from your eyes made it feel like we-e-e-e were dancing in the moonlight)


Music/title: Moonlight; Grace Vanderwaal
_ _

 

“These will be a life long stories.”

. . …

 

Four days and counting.
If you could see me now..

My life- In boxes again.
But this time I am making a home for myself.
I am creating everything that you took from me.

I am in control.

 

And you won’t ever take it from me again.
 

Black Beatles in the city, be back immediately- Sent flowers, but you said you didn’t receive them.. (Said you didn’t need them)


Music/title: Black Beatles; Our Last Night
_ _

 

“There is nothing to explain.”

. . …
 

Only two more weeks until I hit refresh on this life.

Sometimes I wish I had parents to see how far I’ve progressed.
And it’s time like these that I miss her. Or the idea of her, at least.

I wonder if she’s sane enough to feel regret.

 

I wonder if I truly care anymore.
 

Oh, and what’s the world becoming? No.. (What have we- What have we done?)


Music/title: Drowning World feat. Bjurman; Andrew Applepie
_ _

 

“So, so, so- “

. … ..

 

Covering it up breaks my heart.
Preemptively, even more so.

But it it must be done.
Twenty-eight years, and I’m ready for change. I’ve grown too comfortable in this world, in this skin. I need new.
I need out of routine.

“So, so, so- “

 

It must be done.

/ / /

 

I highly recommend this song.
A big thank you to Casey Neistat for introducing me to the love that is Andrew Applepie. <3

Live wide awake (yeah), am I a stranger? Just all alone.. (Addicted to my other self)


Music/title: Good Morning; Grouplove
_ _

 

“And I can’t tell.”

. . ..

 

I’ll never understand other women.
I’m just trying to be a manager, buy a house- be an adult
And they are just a bunch of dramatic bitches cry babies.

You’ll never get anywhere in life, if you don’t grow a fucking pair. Christ.

 

Ranting aside, yes!
I am buying a house. Or at least in the process of doing so.
HOW EXCITING! :D

Really-
We are beyond excited. We’ve been looking since January, and it’s picture perfect. Literally- I’m going to take a million pictures, because the house is a piece of fucking art. GAH.

The floors…

*sighs*

 

…Just you wait and see.

/ / /

 
p.s. A late 2016 selfie treat. ::smiles::

Nothing gonna get me in my world…. (I wanna get me free!)


Music/title: Dreams; Beck
_ _

 

“Ahhhh, here we are…
Running circles around around around around.”

. … ..

 

I’ve never been quite this close.
Just the taste of it- Christ.
I’ve wanted this for so long.
Dreamed about it.
Prayed, even.

All pieces are fitting so perfectly.
My puzzle.
My world.
My bubble- Almost complete.

So much work;
So many awful experiences just to get to this moment.
I truly have dreamed of a place to call home.

…And it’s finally within my grasp.

/ / /

 

Oh just you wait and see.
::smirks::

Our house is falling over- Don’t drown me, I’m underwater. Let’s call this whole thing over… (Why are you here?)


Music/title: Just a Like Song; Al Bairre
_ _

 

“Upside down,
Inside out..
(Anywhere you wanna be)”

. . … .

 

[ But I’m not qualified for anything. ]

“You’re always saying that.”

[ What am I qualified for then? ]

“….”


 

Decisions.
Change.
Good or bad.
Right or wrong.

I hate choice.
I want to be told what to do-
I want subservience;
To be a slave.

– –
 

But, darling… You wear the mask so well.

/ / /

 

Disbanded treats.
Thank you, Al Bairre. <3
 

And the- And the smile it just, floats away.. (As if the world is satisfied when night turns into day)


Music/title: Waves; Electric Guest
_ _

 

“Oh, my mind, is all
Washed away, all away.”

. . .

 

More uneventful than most birthdays, I would say.
Yet, with the right company-
One of the best…….

.

Dear Arden,

I love you.
I’d take a gluten free snack adventure over gifts any day.

Bunches of love,
wifeo13.

 

/ / /

 
And always such a pretty thing..