09.19.15 [52/52] My heart is my armor- She’s the tear in my heart, she’s a carver. She’s a butcher with a smile, cut me farther… (Than I’ve ever been)

09.19.15
Music/title: Tear In My Heart; Twenty One Pilots
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Dear Arden,


You once told me that you wanted to make me happier
than anything else on this planet. 
You said that from the day we met,
you wanted me to be as happy with *myself* as you are with me.
And maybe that’s what I’ve actually been searching for…
Not someone to fill this persistent void I hold inside, but, instead..
Someone to encourage me in accepting it.

You are what drives me-
What pulls me to keep demanding more from life.

And you are the *only* reason I’ve ever been able to keep
in wanting my own happiness…

I love you, Arden.. More than anything else.
You don’t have to fight for me for anymore,
Because I’m here. And I’m ready to spend the rest of my life with you,
My best friend.

 

::breathes deep::   …And here we go.

 
I’ll see you all in a month…  ;]

 

 

01.17.15 [17/52] And I may search the world for truth, but it’s only another word for you…

01.18.15
Music/title: You Were My Home; Danielle Ate the Sandwich
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“You were a happy dream in a life that’s been nothing but a hellish nightmare.
Those days that I spent with you, they were the only good days I have ever known.”
~ Lucy; Elfen Lied

… . . ..

 

Everything changes this year.
For the good.  For the better.  For me.

 

/ / /

 
And I am found when I found you..

A boy with a coin, he crammed in his jeans. Then making a wish, he tossed in the sea…

05.01.14 -1
 
Music/title: Boy With A Coin; Iron & Wine
_ _
 
 
We crawled into the back of his car, and I suddenly remembered last year..
 
The way I had crossed that ever so thinning line between us being ‘just friends’ and ‘something more.’ I threw my things aside and laid my head against his chest. This was where I belonged. With him. ..It was always with him, and it was never enough. He played this song, knowing I’d fallen in love with him to it. The glass was starting to fog, and I could see the clear reflection of the face he’d drawn for me last year.
Everything was so perfect...
 
He sat up, held my hands in his, and I could feel every emotion swell up inside me..
 
.. .. .. ..
 
“Does this song still give you butterflies?”
 
[ Yes… Do you still get them with me? ]
 
“Yes.”
 
[ I can never see them anymore.. When do you feel them? ]
 
“All the time, Bettina.
…because I love you so much.”

 
… .. . ..
 
I remember feeling sad for a moment.
Just a brief moment, thinking back to when I could see his every emotion so clearly. I missed that. It made me sad knowing that he still felt them and I couldn’t see. But then he spoke to me, and in his hands he held out a small box.. And on his face I saw the butterflies. Once again I saw his emotions, and the way he loved the ever living out of me as he asked me to spend the rest of my life by his side.
 
 
 
It was you, Arden.
Whether I realized it or not, it’s always been you..