HEY HEY! Ningen sanka, ai nige ningen fuan ka…. (Human paean, does love escaping make humans nervous?)

05.16.15 -1
Music/title: What’s Up, People?!; Maximum the Hormone
_ _

 

Is your life boring? (Ikiru imi tsumaran ka?)
Are you trembling with rage?
HUMAN?!”

. . ….

 

So you need me, do you?
You think your ‘suicide’ will make me love you again?

-Fuck you.

 

You’re a weak, pathetic excuse for a human, and I don’t need this shit.
Think I care about your worthless, menial life?
….You’re fucking insane.

 

/ / /

 
Henken-inken ningen funda ugokidase ore FIGHT…

If I can pretend, I don’t depend… (I can deny, deny denial)

10.19.15 -000
Music/title: Invisible Monsters; Motion City Soundtrack
_ _

 

“Yet when push comes to shove and all the above,
I decide to live the lie.”

. . .. . …. .

 

I’d like to say I have it all figure out,
But you know better than anyone that’s not true.

. . .

 

Why am I here… Why are any of us?
Everyone thinks they have the answers….
But what makes me so comfortable admitting that I don’t?

I used to watch the world around me.
I watched everyone live encompassed in their safe, warm little bubbles of life.
I watched them stuck in their day-in-day-out routine,
When, in reality, I felt I was one of the few people truly living…

What made me so different?
Because I knew how harsh and cruel the world could actually be?
[ …Does my strength make you weak? ]

 

I lost a friend because I felt them inferior.
I lost a friend because I loved them enough to tell them the truth.
I lost a friend because that truth brought them fear…

 

 

Maybe this is how it always ends.
Maybe this is how it will always be.
But, again….

 

…..What makes me so comfortable admitting that?

 

07.11.15 [42/52] But life is so much more with the touch of someone’s skin to mine… (I swear I’ll try, I swear I’ll try!)

07.11.15
Music/title: We Are Invincible; From Indian Lakes
_ _

 

“But I’m still so terrified…”

. .. . . ..

 

[ I feel guilty when I do. ]

“Why?”

 

[ Because I feel like it’s cheating. ]

“You could without it, you know… You just have to relax.”

 

[ …But I can’t. ]

. .. .. .

 

Don’t you think I try?
Don’t you think I want to?

I wonder if you’d feel the same if I asked every time.
Then again…

 

 
…Isn’t it always the pleasurable things that end up hurting the most?

 

12.20.14 [13/52] She makes the sound, the sound the sea makes to calm me down.. ( I’m tired now )


Music/title: Dissolve Me; Alt-J (∆)
_ _

 

“You’re really good at this.
Verrrrry good.”

. .. .. .
 

To feel I have not only accomplished something in my life, but… ‘to feel good at something.’
That is a rare form in which I find myself.  Today, however….
__________________________________________________
 

12.20.14 -0

“I look at that picture and it accentuates things that normal pictures don’t…. It is very solemn and it makes me feel almost like the sad parts of me are showing through in that picture…. And that’s something I try to keep hidden from everyone. 
I’m surprised at how deep it actually goes…..”

 

 
__________________________________________________

I hope she does truly know how beautiful she is.
Sadness, and all that accompanies…

 

/ / /

 

And pulse to pulse, now shush..