But you held your course to some distant war, in the corners of your mind…


Music/title: Angela; The Lumineers
_ _

 

“Let the exits pass, all the tar and glass-
‘Til the road and sky align.”

. . .

 

I just need to catch my breath,
then everything will be okay, right?

. .
 

The dark parts of my brain are seeping through.

[ But you did it- you’re FREE. ]

.
 

Is that so?
I claim the void is supposed to be empty,

 

So why can’t I stop trying to fill it?
 

Oh, and what’s the world becoming? No.. (What have we- What have we done?)


Music/title: Drowning World feat. Bjurman; Andrew Applepie
_ _

 

“So, so, so- “

. … ..

 

Covering it up breaks my heart.
Preemptively, even more so.

But it it must be done.
Twenty-eight years, and I’m ready for change. I’ve grown too comfortable in this world, in this skin. I need new.
I need out of routine.

“So, so, so- “

 

It must be done.

/ / /

 

I highly recommend this song.
A big thank you to Casey Neistat for introducing me to the love that is Andrew Applepie. <3

Our house is falling over- Don’t drown me, I’m underwater. Let’s call this whole thing over… (Why are you here?)


Music/title: Just a Like Song; Al Bairre
_ _

 

“Upside down,
Inside out..
(Anywhere you wanna be)”

. . … .

 

[ But I’m not qualified for anything. ]

“You’re always saying that.”

[ What am I qualified for then? ]

“….”


 

Decisions.
Change.
Good or bad.
Right or wrong.

I hate choice.
I want to be told what to do-
I want subservience;
To be a slave.

– –
 

But, darling… You wear the mask so well.

/ / /

 

Disbanded treats.
Thank you, Al Bairre. <3
 

Oh, Devil, I know you’re afraid. Sometimes it’s hard to learn from all your mistakes….


Music/title: Oh Devil; Electric Guest
_ _

 

“And deep inside,
I’m sure I got here all by myself.”

. . .
 

Two years since I’ve been here.
Surely you’d think I was scared,
But quite the contrary.
I know myself better these days than ever before-
What’s to be scared of?

I felt like taking something more.. harsh.
A bit of rough edges, to match…

.
 

What kind of girl are you now?

It’s only water, It’s only fire… (It’s only love)

02-27-16-2
Music/title: It’s Only (feat. Zyra); ODESZA
_ _

 

“It’s only slaughter,
We’re only liars,
It’s only blood.”

. …..

 

To be wanted; to be needed- A mutual addiction.
It’s all you ever desired, Da?

Such a strong emotion...
But you sure know that, don’t you?

[ yes. ]

I know you miss it- The way it’s all played..
That’s why you choose them, isn’t it?
Because who else could control what you have obtained..

The murderers.
The psycho and sociopaths.
The unloved and unwanted of society- You crave them;
Crave the mutual addiction of the unattainable.

.

[ “They’re only thoughts that I’m having;
Thoughts safe within my head.” ]

.
 

To be wanted; to be needed is simple.
Oh, but to be desired by them….

 

True emotional ecstasy.

. . .

 

"You’re only crying, you’re only dying, you’re only dead." 

[02/05] ‘Cause you were high school, and I was just more like real life.. (And you were okay, okay)

06.09.16 -1
Music/title: Father; The Front Bottoms
_ _

 

“I’ll do the pushups,
I’ll wear the makeup.”

.. .. …
 

It feels almost as if I’ve misplaced the entire door to my home-
Left wandering aimlessly with keys in hand.

It’s coming back.
Slowly, but surely…

 

..I’m finding the door to myself again.

/ / /

 
I’ll do whatever he wants all night.

Baby can you move it round the rhythm, So we can get with ’em to the ground… (Let’s go, yes? No, hell no!)

046
Music/title: Lone Digger; Caravan Palace
_ _

 

“Your head has no right to say no- Tonight it’s “Ready, set, go!”

. .. …

 

I can’t recommend this song and music video enough..
There really is just nothing quite like electronic swing music.
And there really is no one that does it quite like Caravan Palace.

Things have been awful.
I am awful.
But I suppose we are forever moving forward.
Even when we don’t want to…

 

Who the fuck am I lately?
Even I don’t know.

05.30.15 [36/52] Ohh, love is a polaroid- Better in picture, but never can fill the void.. (How did it come to this?)

05.26.15
Music/title: Polaroid; Imagine Dragons
_ _

 

“Your story sounds so amazing- I’m so proud of you for making your way through so many struggles and coming out on top.”

xox
dan reynolds

.. . .. ..

 
Just when you least expect it, there life goes- Blindsiding everything you know.
And just like that, everything changes…

 

/ / /
 
And I am the color of boom..

01.31.15 [19/52] I’ve been tryin’ to keep my grip, Yeah I think I’m over this.. I can hear it now ( Oh no, Oh no-o )

01.25.15 -6
Music/title: Cardiac Arrest; Bad Suns
_ _

 

The unexpected- This is why we love.

. .. . . .

 

I wasn’t going to ask… I didn’t think you’d remember
There I sat, quietly trying to think of the song that I wanted so very badly.
I tried putting myself back in front of the stage- Surrounded by alcohol and carelessly made socialization.
I was so mad at myself for not remembering to write it down or look it up that night.

Moments away from giving up, I figured it couldn’t hurt to ask….
 

I hadn’t been that taken aback from you in so long
You merely snapped your fingers, threw both feet firmly down, and grinned at me..

“Cardiac Arrest.”

.. .. . ..
 

…this.  These are the reasons we love.
It’s the little things… Such as someone simply knowing you so well as to look up and remember the name of a song- Keeping it a secret, because they know somewhere down the line you’re GOING to remember.  Or you’re going to NEED it.  And it will just be there.
 

Like it was never gone in the first place.

 

/ / /

 
High voltage in her lips, I’ll try my best….

11.08.14 [7/52] Someday our hearts are bound to be overthrown, and how is it that I.. Lost all of my faith in humankind?

11.08.14
Music/title: Kind; Eli August And The Abandoned Buildings
_ _
 

On one hand, I find myself wishing I had more free time in my day to day life.
On the other.. I really do enjoy the busy feeling of moving from one thing to the next.

I remember two years back, that’s all my life was.
Event after event after event..  It was never enough for me.

It always gave a sense of purpose.
As if to say, “Yes. I am absolutely living my life to the fullest!”

.. . . .
 

But it’s when taking these photos that I really feel alive. [ ..Snap ! ]
And that moment is forever etched into my life.  No other moment will ever be like that one..
 

/ / /

 
Take me down to where the river bends..