Music/title: 1000 Doors; The Living Tombstone
“I’m losing the sense of where I am.”
. .. .
Exhaustion doesn’t even begin to cover it.
I miss this.
I miss the therapeutic nature of it all. I want to peel back the layers I have pasted onto myself; to escape the norm. This is what we aim for, right? The materialism. The cookie cutters, and decisive actions.
I can feel how close we are.
…Why can’t we grasp it?
Music/title: Moonlight; Grace Vanderwaal
“These will be a life long stories.”
. . …
Four days and counting.
If you could see me now..
My life- In boxes again.
But this time I am making a home for myself.
I am creating everything that you took from me.
I am in control.
And you won’t ever take it from me again.
Music/title: Black Beatles; Our Last Night
“There is nothing to explain.”
. . …
Only two more weeks until I hit refresh on this life.
Sometimes I wish I had parents to see how far I’ve progressed.
And it’s time like these that I miss her. Or the idea of her, at least.
I wonder if she’s sane enough to feel regret.
I wonder if I truly care anymore.
Music/title: #Grownupz; FEiN
“I’ll grow up and get sad.”
. …. .
If only I’d known…
I think of where I’ve come, and what I’ve done in my life-
As a child others would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I imagine most children aspire to make a difference; a change in the world.
All I saw in my life was the horror of being locked in that house.
No friends. No family. No escape.
I would think, ‘Why would I want these complicated things they desire?’
For me, the common dreams were beyond grasp.
But, more than that-
I didn’t feel the hunger for them.
What did I want out of my life?
What were my dreams?
[ I suppose..
…Someone to love me. Someone *I* can love!
Someone that won’t hurt me the way everyone else does.. And… A home.
Something the complete opposite of now!
A place of my own to spend time with the person I love.. ]
Almost two decades later…
People ask me if I’m excited to be purchasing my first home..
If only they knew.
/ / /
It keeps me jump jump jumpin’ and-ah..
Music/title: Good Morning; Grouplove
“And I can’t tell.”
. . ..
I’ll never understand other women.
I’m just trying to be a manager, buy a house- be an adult
And they are just a bunch of dramatic
bitches cry babies.
You’ll never get anywhere in life, if you don’t grow a fucking pair. Christ.
Ranting aside, yes!
I am buying a house. Or at least in the process of doing so.
HOW EXCITING! :D
We are beyond excited. We’ve been looking since January, and it’s picture perfect. Literally- I’m going to take a million pictures, because the house is a piece of fucking art. GAH.
…Just you wait and see.
/ / /
p.s. A late 2016 selfie treat. ::smiles::