Music/title: #Grownupz; FEiN
“I’ll grow up and get sad.”
. …. .
If only I’d known…
I think of where I’ve come, and what I’ve done in my life-
As a child others would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I imagine most children aspire to make a difference; a change in the world.
All I saw in my life was the horror of being locked in that house.
No friends. No family. No escape.
I would think, ‘Why would I want these complicated things they desire?’
For me, the common dreams were beyond grasp.
But, more than that-
I didn’t feel the hunger for them.
What did I want out of my life?
What were my dreams?
[ I suppose..
…Someone to love me. Someone *I* can love!
Someone that won’t hurt me the way everyone else does.. And… A home.
Something the complete opposite of now!
A place of my own to spend time with the person I love.. ]
Almost two decades later…
People ask me if I’m excited to be purchasing my first home..
If only they knew.
/ / /
It keeps me jump jump jumpin’ and-ah..
Music/title: Snowship (Thomas Jack Remix); Benjamin Francis Leftwich
“Your heart’s wired up to the eyes in your head,
and they’re flashing bright.”
. .. …
I look back, and I am reminded every reason my heart latched onto yours.
The reasons I denied for so long, now seem so very important.
Still, my chest swells and collapses within your eyes…
/ / /
“I was only looking for the treasure in the dark.”
Music/title: Darkroom; Misun
“I hope you intend on pursuing photography as a career,
because you are pretty much completely excellent.”
.. . ..
I really never meant for this to become such a big part of my life.
It was just a goal I’d set. Something simple, that would take actual dedication to complete.
I was 23, and desperate in proving to myself that I could start something and finish it.
My whole life I had spent believing this was something I just could not accomplish.
But by the end of it all, it had become so much more than overcoming that…
I had found passion. I had found an outlet.
And I had found something that I really fucking loved to do.
You have to understand-
For a person, such as myself, that was locked in a house, this was pretty astonishing, to say the least..
.. . . . .
Career or not-
As long as this passionate feeling of fulfillment continues, I won’t be giving up any time soon…
/ / /
Leave me there to stay.. ( to stay, to stay )