Daddy, I don’t wanna grow up anyway- Grown ups are all sad… (Doesn’t matter where I come from anyway)

Music/title: #Grownupz; FEiN
_ _


“I’ll grow up and get sad.”

. …. .


If only I’d known…

I think of where I’ve come, and what I’ve done in my life-
As a child others would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I imagine most children aspire to make a difference; a change in the world.

Not me.

All I saw in my life was the horror of being locked in that house.
No friends. No family. No escape.
I would think, ‘Why would I want these complicated things they desire?’
For me, the common dreams were beyond grasp.
But, more than that-
I didn’t feel the hunger for them.

What did I want out of my life?
What were my dreams?


[ I suppose..
…Someone to love me. Someone *I* can love!
Someone that won’t hurt me the way everyone else does.. And… A home.

Something the complete opposite of now!
A place of my own to spend time with the person I love..

Almost two decades later…
People ask me if I’m excited to be purchasing my first home..


If only they knew.

/ / /

It keeps me jump jump jumpin’ and-ah..

And he told me, “Son, when they all come looking for you, where you gonna run?”

Music/title: Snowship (Thomas Jack Remix); Benjamin Francis Leftwich
_ _


“Your heart’s wired up to the eyes in your head,
and they’re flashing bright.”

. .. …

I look back, and I am reminded every reason my heart latched onto yours.
The reasons I denied for so long, now seem so very important.

Still, my chest swells and collapses within your eyes…


A ta?

/ / /
“I was only looking for the treasure in the dark.”

11.01.14 [6/52] Take me to your darkroom honey- Oh, keep me in your shadow.. And I’ll do everything that you say.

Music/title: Darkroom; Misun
_ _

“I hope you intend on pursuing photography as a career,
because you are pretty much completely excellent.”

.. . ..

I really never meant for this to become such a big part of my life.
It was just a goal I’d set.  Something simple, that would take actual dedication to complete.
I was 23, and desperate in proving to myself that I could start something and finish it.

My whole life I had spent believing this was something I just could not accomplish.
But by the end of it all, it had become so much more than overcoming that…

I had found passion.  I had found an outlet. 
And I had found something that I really fucking loved to do.

You have to understand-
For a person, such as myself, that was locked in a house, this was pretty astonishing, to say the least..
.. . . . .

Career or not-
As long as this passionate feeling of fulfillment continues, I won’t be giving up any time soon…

/ / /
Leave me there to stay.. ( to stay, to stay )