Music/title: I Want To Know Your Plans; Say Anything
“When they pour out to paper, it’s all for you.”
. .. .
I miss you too.
I’m trying.. Really, I am.
I know it doesn’t seem like it, but the effort is there… Somewhere..
Hidden beneath all the spreadsheets and grocery lists..
Somewhere there exists a spark..
And I’m going to find it.
/ / /
I want to know your plans and how involved in them I am..
Music/title: Caviar Dreams; Al Bairre (Feat. PHFat)
“Lead me through your harmony;
We’ll sew this so your soul can breathe…”
.. .. .
It surely is a dream.
Nothing could feel this good.
For the first time in my life it doesn’t hurt.
I’m not inflamed.
It doesn’t itch. Or feel dry.
My skin isn’t covered in sores and blisters from my moments of weakness.
For the first time in my life I feel human.
To think, an eleven year old changed my life.
..What were you doing at eleven?
If you’d told me 15 years ago that I’d have this level of peace with my disease,
I’d say you were fucking nuts.
I wish I could meet Lani Lazzari,
If only to fully explain the life-changing-impact her invention has had on me.
My skin can feel like home.
/ / /
You’d been wading in the deep, dancing through your downfall…
Music/title: Selfish; The Reverb Junkie
“Well now you know,
Now you know.”
. .. ..
The beginning is always easy.
/ / /
“Oh, if I knew you were a…”
Music/title: Salt; Bad Suns
“And I don’t believe in the truth, truth.”
. . . .. . . … . .
I shouldn’t have cried.
I shouldn’t have given you hope.
I should’ve spoken every bitter word I swallowed.
But I listened.
Because that’s what you do, right?
That’s what’s polite?
[ I was merely being polite. ]
It didn’t affect me.
[ I didn’t wish to believe. ]
What do you do when the darkest parts of you are shaken?
…You hope to hell that you’re right.
Music/title: Say My Name (Emancipator Remix); ODESZA
“So, what’d you say?”
. . .. .
Just tell him already.
…You know you want it.
Music/title: Atlas; Good Kid
“She said she was nothing but eager.”
. . .. ..
This is out of character.
But isn’t everything lately?
I mean honestly, what hasn’t changed?
I tell myself I will be complete when X happens, but X never comes, does it?
We never reach the end; The course never goes as planned..
And we’re not the character we intended to become.
/ / /
Then you said you said you said you said you said…
Music/title: Changes; Mutemath
“I’m not understood.”
.. .. ……
Life has been one roller coaster after another lately.
I don’t know what’s up or down, and I’m not entirely sure that’s how I want it.
But that’s normal right?
Aren’t we always uncertain about something in our lives?
I’m unsure about this.
But, maybe we are overdue…
Music/title: Wasted On You (feat. ROZES); Louis Futon
“I’m wasted on you.”
. . … .. …..
Liberating doesn’t begin to cover it.
A twinge of denial, maybe.
I still can’t believe it all. Everything seems so surreal in our lives.
Did you plan this from the start?
A part of me believes I had nothing to do with it. That it was all thanks to others. The bad parts of my mind attempt to latch on- hopes of some form of sabotage..
..the other side.
The part that has drug me through all the blood and tears… That part is proud.
Look at how far you’ve come. ..Look at what you’ve done for yourself..
Aren’t you so happy now?
If I ever believed in a God,
now would be the time to thank him.
/ / /
We keep it going just like we always do, we do..
Music/title: Angela; The Lumineers
“Let the exits pass, all the tar and glass-
‘Til the road and sky align.”
. . .
I just need to catch my breath,
then everything will be okay, right?
The dark parts of my brain are seeping through.
[ But you did it- you’re FREE. ]
Is that so?
I claim the void is supposed to be empty,
So why can’t I stop trying to fill it?
Music/title: Moonlight; Grace Vanderwaal
“These will be a life long stories.”
. . …
Four days and counting.
If you could see me now..
My life- In boxes again.
But this time I am making a home for myself.
I am creating everything that you took from me.
I am in control.
And you won’t ever take it from me again.