Music/title: Freaky Love; Captain Kidd
Recurring Siamese dream-
Illuminate hallucinations burnt into the back of your mind..”
. . .. .
I see the remnants of the fire, but where is the spark?
The slow down is building.
The desire is fueling,
But I can’t seem to ignite.
“And what I need
Is your body
(Your freaky love)”
Music/title: Wasted On You (feat. ROZES); Louis Futon
“I’m wasted on you.”
. . … .. …..
Liberating doesn’t begin to cover it.
A twinge of denial, maybe.
I still can’t believe it all. Everything seems so surreal in our lives.
Did you plan this from the start?
A part of me believes I had nothing to do with it. That it was all thanks to others. The bad parts of my mind attempt to latch on- hopes of some form of sabotage..
..the other side.
The part that has drug me through all the blood and tears… That part is proud.
Look at how far you’ve come. ..Look at what you’ve done for yourself..
Aren’t you so happy now?
If I ever believed in a God,
now would be the time to thank him.
/ / /
We keep it going just like we always do, we do..
Music/title: Angela; The Lumineers
“Let the exits pass, all the tar and glass-
‘Til the road and sky align.”
. . .
I just need to catch my breath,
then everything will be okay, right?
The dark parts of my brain are seeping through.
[ But you did it- you’re FREE. ]
Is that so?
I claim the void is supposed to be empty,
So why can’t I stop trying to fill it?
Music/title: Moonlight; Grace Vanderwaal
“These will be a life long stories.”
. . …
Four days and counting.
If you could see me now..
My life- In boxes again.
But this time I am making a home for myself.
I am creating everything that you took from me.
I am in control.
And you won’t ever take it from me again.
Music/title: Black Beatles; Our Last Night
“There is nothing to explain.”
. . …
Only two more weeks until I hit refresh on this life.
Sometimes I wish I had parents to see how far I’ve progressed.
And it’s time like these that I miss her. Or the idea of her, at least.
I wonder if she’s sane enough to feel regret.
I wonder if I truly care anymore.
Music/title: #Grownupz; FEiN
“I’ll grow up and get sad.”
. …. .
If only I’d known…
I think of where I’ve come, and what I’ve done in my life-
As a child others would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I imagine most children aspire to make a difference; a change in the world.
All I saw in my life was the horror of being locked in that house.
No friends. No family. No escape.
I would think, ‘Why would I want these complicated things they desire?’
For me, the common dreams were beyond grasp.
But, more than that-
I didn’t feel the hunger for them.
What did I want out of my life?
What were my dreams?
[ I suppose..
…Someone to love me. Someone *I* can love!
Someone that won’t hurt me the way everyone else does.. And… A home.
Something the complete opposite of now!
A place of my own to spend time with the person I love.. ]
Almost two decades later…
People ask me if I’m excited to be purchasing my first home..
If only they knew.
/ / /
It keeps me jump jump jumpin’ and-ah..
Music/title: Good Morning; Grouplove
“And I can’t tell.”
. . ..
I’ll never understand other women.
I’m just trying to be a manager, buy a house- be an adult
And they are just a bunch of dramatic
bitches cry babies.
You’ll never get anywhere in life, if you don’t grow a fucking pair. Christ.
Ranting aside, yes!
I am buying a house. Or at least in the process of doing so.
HOW EXCITING! :D
We are beyond excited. We’ve been looking since January, and it’s picture perfect. Literally- I’m going to take a million pictures, because the house is a piece of fucking art. GAH.
…Just you wait and see.
/ / /
p.s. A late 2016 selfie treat. ::smiles::
Music/title: Round Two; Imad Royal
“Got me like oh me oh my.”
. . ….
“We loved you.”
I swear, in that moment I could’ve flown….
/ / /
There’s a clear purpose to it all;
There’s a goal.
The first step achieved-
Music/title: Just a Like Song; Al Bairre
(Anywhere you wanna be)”
. . … .
[ But I’m not qualified for anything. ]
“You’re always saying that.”
[ What am I qualified for then? ]
Good or bad.
Right or wrong.
I hate choice.
I want to be told what to do-
I want subservience;
To be a slave.
But, darling… You wear the mask so well.
/ / /
Thank you, Al Bairre. <3
Music/title: Kill V. Maim; Grimes
“Oh, the fire, it’s alright.
The people touch it-
I can’t touch it, even though it’s mine.”
. .. …
I couldn’t think of a single trait of hers I carried within me.
Was I happy?
Would I really want to be like her?
I sure used to think so.
I haven’t thought of her in a while.
I haven’t needed to.
She could be dead with all the others as far as I know.
…Wouldn’t that be a treat.
Do you think most daughters wish their mothers dead today?
…Can you even stomach the concept?
/ / /
And I do what I can.