Baby if you don’t stand for something, how can you ever stand at all… (You’ll be swept back by the fall)


Music/title: Atlas; Good Kid
_ _

 

“She said she was nothing but eager.”

. . .. ..

 

This is out of character.
But isn’t everything lately?

I mean honestly, what hasn’t changed?

I tell myself I will be complete when X happens, but X never comes, does it?
We never reach the end; The course never goes as planned..

 

And we’re not the character we intended to become.

/ / /

 
Then you said you said you said you said you said…

When everything has to turn, and march onward.. (Only fall if you’re sure that you fall forward)


Music/title: Changes; Mutemath
_ _

 

“I’m not understood.”

.. .. ……

 

Life has been one roller coaster after another lately.
I don’t know what’s up or down, and I’m not entirely sure that’s how I want it.

But that’s normal right?
The uncertainty?
Aren’t we always uncertain about something in our lives?

I’m unsure about this.

 

But, maybe we are overdue…

 

They’re bold; The knots that bind her love- The product of desire to inspire selfish harmony, Oh.. (And what I want is your body)


Music/title: Freaky Love; Captain Kidd
_ _

 

“My vaccine;
Recurring Siamese dream-
Illuminate hallucinations burnt into the back of your mind..”

. . .. .

 

I see the remnants of the fire, but where is the spark?

.

The slow down is building.
The desire is fueling,
But I can’t seem to ignite.

. .

 

“And what I need
Is your body
(Your freaky love)”

 

I’ve got this poison running deep in my mind, my mind.. (I know you think it’s alright)


Music/title: Wasted On You (feat. ROZES); Louis Futon
_ _

 

“I’m wasted on you.”

. . … .. …..

 

Liberating doesn’t begin to cover it.
A twinge of denial, maybe.
I still can’t believe it all. Everything seems so surreal in our lives.

Did you plan this from the start?

 

A part of me believes I had nothing to do with it. That it was all thanks to others. The bad parts of my mind attempt to latch on- hopes of some form of sabotage..

..but…

..the other side.
The part that has drug me through all the blood and tears… That part is proud.
Look at how far you’ve come. ..Look at what you’ve done for yourself..

Aren’t you so happy now?

.
 

If I ever believed in a God,
now would be the time to thank him.

/ / /

 
We keep it going just like we always do, we do..

But you held your course to some distant war, in the corners of your mind…


Music/title: Angela; The Lumineers
_ _

 

“Let the exits pass, all the tar and glass-
‘Til the road and sky align.”

. . .

 

I just need to catch my breath,
then everything will be okay, right?

. .
 

The dark parts of my brain are seeping through.

[ But you did it- you’re FREE. ]

.
 

Is that so?
I claim the void is supposed to be empty,

 

So why can’t I stop trying to fill it?
 

Remember last year when you told me, to always stay here and never leave me.. (The light from your eyes made it feel like we-e-e-e were dancing in the moonlight)


Music/title: Moonlight; Grace Vanderwaal
_ _

 

“These will be a life long stories.”

. . …

 

Four days and counting.
If you could see me now..

My life- In boxes again.
But this time I am making a home for myself.
I am creating everything that you took from me.

I am in control.

 

And you won’t ever take it from me again.
 

Daddy, I don’t wanna grow up anyway- Grown ups are all sad… (Doesn’t matter where I come from anyway)


Music/title: #Grownupz; FEiN
_ _

 

“I’ll grow up and get sad.”

. …. .

 

If only I’d known…
 

I think of where I’ve come, and what I’ve done in my life-
As a child others would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I imagine most children aspire to make a difference; a change in the world.

Not me.

All I saw in my life was the horror of being locked in that house.
No friends. No family. No escape.
I would think, ‘Why would I want these complicated things they desire?’
For me, the common dreams were beyond grasp.
But, more than that-
I didn’t feel the hunger for them.

What did I want out of my life?
What were my dreams?

.

[ I suppose..
…Someone to love me. Someone *I* can love!
Someone that won’t hurt me the way everyone else does.. And… A home.

Something the complete opposite of now!
A place of my own to spend time with the person I love..
]

Almost two decades later…
People ask me if I’m excited to be purchasing my first home..

 

If only they knew.

/ / /

 
It keeps me jump jump jumpin’ and-ah..

Oh, and what’s the world becoming? No.. (What have we- What have we done?)


Music/title: Drowning World feat. Bjurman; Andrew Applepie
_ _

 

“So, so, so- “

. … ..

 

Covering it up breaks my heart.
Preemptively, even more so.

But it it must be done.
Twenty-eight years, and I’m ready for change. I’ve grown too comfortable in this world, in this skin. I need new.
I need out of routine.

“So, so, so- “

 

It must be done.

/ / /

 

I highly recommend this song.
A big thank you to Casey Neistat for introducing me to the love that is Andrew Applepie. <3

Live wide awake (yeah), am I a stranger? Just all alone.. (Addicted to my other self)


Music/title: Good Morning; Grouplove
_ _

 

“And I can’t tell.”

. . ..

 

I’ll never understand other women.
I’m just trying to be a manager, buy a house- be an adult
And they are just a bunch of dramatic bitches cry babies.

You’ll never get anywhere in life, if you don’t grow a fucking pair. Christ.

 

Ranting aside, yes!
I am buying a house. Or at least in the process of doing so.
HOW EXCITING! :D

Really-
We are beyond excited. We’ve been looking since January, and it’s picture perfect. Literally- I’m going to take a million pictures, because the house is a piece of fucking art. GAH.

The floors…

*sighs*

 

…Just you wait and see.

/ / /

 
p.s. A late 2016 selfie treat. ::smiles::