02.03.18 [5/52] You’re what keeps me believing the world’s not gone dead; Strength in my bones put the words in my head… (Cause that’s what you do, That’s what you do)


Music/title: I Want To Know Your Plans; Say Anything
_ _

 

“When they pour out to paper, it’s all for you.”

. .. .

 

I miss you too.

I’m trying.. Really, I am.
I know it doesn’t seem like it, but the effort is there… Somewhere..
Hidden beneath all the spreadsheets and grocery lists..
Somewhere there exists a spark..

 

And I’m going to find it.

 

/ / /

 
I want to know your plans and how involved in them I am..

01.27.18 [4/52] ‘Cause we could hold our sights so close, or we could chase our heroes… (And I’ve been here before)


Music/title: Caviar Dreams; Al Bairre (Feat. PHFat)
_ _

 

“Lead me through your harmony;
We’ll sew this so your soul can breathe…”

.. .. .

 

It surely is a dream.
Nothing could feel this good.

.

For the first time in my life it doesn’t hurt.
I’m not inflamed.
It doesn’t itch. Or feel dry.
My skin isn’t covered in sores and blisters from my moments of weakness.
For the first time in my life I feel human.

To think, an eleven year old changed my life.
..What were you doing at eleven?

If you’d told me 15 years ago that I’d have this level of peace with my disease,
I’d say you were fucking nuts.

 

I wish I could meet Lani Lazzari,
If only to fully explain the life-changing-impact her invention has had on me.

Finally..

My skin can feel like home.

/ / /

 
You’d been wading in the deep, dancing through your downfall…

Look; Critics in the sea, light beneath the deep.. (Just to get a taste)


Music/title: Some Assembly Required; Abhi The Nomad (ft. Foster)
_ _

 

“Is my pleasure, divine center.”

. .

 

Three deep, so far so good.

It’s different this time.
Almost, simple..
Everything is getting less complicated.

Your work.
Your health.
Your love.

I’m afraid to get too comfortable.
Seems there’s always something to drag me down.

But.. Maybe not.
Maybe that’s what they mean by growth?
We can only grow from experiences.
We can only learn from living-
From the success to the catastrophic failures, we achieve…

 

That’s just it;
They are all achievements.

And in the end, it all accumulates to the same:

 

…We are the stuff of stars.

 

01.20.18 [3/52] And all we ever wanted was sunlight and honesty- Highlights to wanna repeat.. But this is how it goes; The end credits—they roll.. (This bridge was built over kerosene)


Music/title: End Credits; EDEN
_ _

 

“Cause happy endings hardest to fake.”

. . ….

 

It didn’t sting nearly as much this time..
[ We did her a favor, really. ]

The colder it gets, the easier it becomes-
But you’d never guess.

– –

I’ll bet you think I don’t have a heartless bone in my body.

 

That’s where you’d be wrong.

/ / /

So let’s run..

These memories are nothing to me, just salt in the wound…


Music/title: Salt; Bad Suns
_ _

 

“And I don’t believe in the truth, truth.”

. . . .. . . … . .

 

I shouldn’t have cried.
I shouldn’t have given you hope.
I should’ve spoken every bitter word I swallowed.
But I listened.

 

Because that’s what you do, right?
That’s what’s polite?

[ I was merely being polite. ]

It didn’t affect me.
[ I didn’t wish to believe. ]

___ ___

 

What do you do when the darkest parts of you are shaken?

 

…You hope to hell that you’re right.
 

But we couldn’t do this to ourselves if it was never worth it, never worth it… (I don’t know how not to fuck this up again)


Music/title: Don’t Fuck This Up; Andrew Applepie
_ _

 

“I swear I’m not trying to fuck you up.”

. .

 

I saw myself in her;
A former self-

A truly dedicated slave.

Surely she’s still alive in there.

 

The older I get, the further away it becomes.
A more distant dream.
One I used to have, to want daily..

Where did it go?
Who have I become?

It’s okay if I like the changes, right?

 

Right.

.

[ You know you could always ask him.
He knows more about you than you think.

..Don’t forget how this all began. ]

 

/ / /

 

Good Mythical Morning.

::smiles::
 

You don’t impress me (admit it) You don’t intimidate me (admit it)- Why don’t you bow down, get on the ground, WALK THIS FUCKING PLANK (YEAH!)


Music/title: Admit It!; Say Anything
_ _

 

“Cause I’m proud of my life and the things that I have done;
Proud of myself and the loner I’ve become.”

. . … …. .

 

I’ve never cried at a concert before.

I’ve never felt such a connection with a band as this.
Perhaps it’s his lyrics.
Perhaps it’s his own bi-polar disorder’s pertinence to my mother.
Maybe he makes me hate her just a little bit less..

 

Seventeen years, two days, and fifty-four songs later-
Max Bemis still performs each and every note as if it’s his first.

The emotion portrayed was breathtaking,
and with his final ‘Walk Through Hell’ I couldn’t help myself…

 

/ / /

 
And I say yeah (what do you..)