You gave up being good when you declared a state of war… (I DON’T BEHAVE, I DON’T BEHAVE, OH EH)


Music/title: Kill V. Maim; Grimes
_ _

 

“Oh, the fire, it’s alright.
The people touch it-
I can’t touch it, even though it’s mine.”

. .. …

 

I couldn’t think of a single trait of hers I carried within me.

Was I happy?
Would I really want to be like her?

I sure used to think so.
I haven’t thought of her in a while.
I haven’t needed to.

She could be dead with all the others as far as I know.
…Wouldn’t that be a treat.

Do you think most daughters wish their mothers dead today?

 

Can you even stomach the concept?

/ / /

 
And I do what I can.

Oh, Devil, I know you’re afraid. Sometimes it’s hard to learn from all your mistakes….


Music/title: Oh Devil; Electric Guest
_ _

 

“And deep inside,
I’m sure I got here all by myself.”

. . .
 

Two years since I’ve been here.
Surely you’d think I was scared,
But quite the contrary.
I know myself better these days than ever before-
What’s to be scared of?

I felt like taking something more.. harsh.
A bit of rough edges, to match…

.
 

What kind of girl are you now?

I found the cure to growing older..

01-21-17-6
Music/title: I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy; Fall Out Boy
_ _

 

“You can’t cover it up.”

. …. ..

 

Is it normal to feel this much disappointment?
I mean, I know it’s fairly common, but this is borderline suffocating….

I keep thinking I can hold out. I can make it work!
..Only to be let down once again.

I hate them. ALL of them.
I hope the fucking cunts burn in their sleep.

 

Maybe I’m just jealous.
Jealous that I am not them.
Jealous that I didn’t stay where I belonged….

::sighs::

 

…Can I stop being an adult now?

/ / /

 
It’s so, so fitting…

It’s only water, It’s only fire… (It’s only love)

02-27-16-2
Music/title: It’s Only (feat. Zyra); ODESZA
_ _

 

“It’s only slaughter,
We’re only liars,
It’s only blood.”

. …..

 

To be wanted; to be needed- A mutual addiction.
It’s all you ever desired, Da?

Such a strong emotion...
But you sure know that, don’t you?

[ yes. ]

I know you miss it- The way it’s all played..
That’s why you choose them, isn’t it?
Because who else could control what you have obtained..

The murderers.
The psycho and sociopaths.
The unloved and unwanted of society- You crave them;
Crave the mutual addiction of the unattainable.

.

[ “They’re only thoughts that I’m having;
Thoughts safe within my head.” ]

.
 

To be wanted; to be needed is simple.
Oh, but to be desired by them….

 

True emotional ecstasy.

. . .

 

"You’re only crying, you’re only dying, you’re only dead." 

We try to fill our heads with blank tapes, and we tape over everything….

02-27-16-7
Music/title: Blank Tapes; From Indian Lakes
_ _

 

“And now it feels okay.”

… .. .

 

Breathe.
Rinse.
Repeat.

.

 

Do you remember?

 
The world once stopped for us.
And I held it firmly in my hands. So invincible.
Nothing could change what you’d built….
…But I’m changing, aren’t I?

And the world doesn’t feel like it used to.
And I’m trying to breathe-
I’m trying to make myself fit in this world around me,
But everything is so unfamiliar…
And you breathe like you’ve always been here- Always so content;
Inventing the air that surrounds you…..


But do you remember,

 

..How to stop the world for us again?

 

And the words on the tip of my tongue are tangled in what you did…

02-27-16-1
Music/title: Winter Breaks Me; Danielle Ate the Sandwich
_ _

 

“Give me what you came for,
(Give me something better.)”

. ….. .

 

How was that?
[ How are we? ]

Sometimes I wish we had a destination;
A place we could finally be close enough.

Do you remember?
That first year?
We more than kissed.
You more than held me.
The year nothing felt close enough.

I do.

How that was,
How we are-

I s’pose this is just that.