01.27.18 [4/52] ‘Cause we could hold our sights so close, or we could chase our heroes… (And I’ve been here before)

Music/title: Caviar Dreams; Al Bairre (Feat. PHFat)
_ _


“Lead me through your harmony;
We’ll sew this so your soul can breathe…”

.. .. .


It surely is a dream.
Nothing could feel this good.


For the first time in my life it doesn’t hurt.
I’m not inflamed.
It doesn’t itch. Or feel dry.
My skin isn’t covered in sores and blisters from my moments of weakness.
For the first time in my life I feel human.

To think, an eleven year old changed my life.
..What were you doing at eleven?

If you’d told me 15 years ago that I’d have this level of peace with my disease,
I’d say you were fucking nuts.


I wish I could meet Lani Lazzari,
If only to fully explain the life-changing-impact her invention has had on me.


My skin can feel like home.

/ / /

You’d been wading in the deep, dancing through your downfall…

Look; Critics in the sea, light beneath the deep.. (Just to get a taste)

Music/title: Some Assembly Required; Abhi The Nomad (ft. Foster)
_ _


“Is my pleasure, divine center.”

. .


Three deep, so far so good.

It’s different this time.
Almost, simple..
Everything is getting less complicated.

Your work.
Your health.
Your love.

I’m afraid to get too comfortable.
Seems there’s always something to drag me down.

But.. Maybe not.
Maybe that’s what they mean by growth?
We can only grow from experiences.
We can only learn from living-
From the success to the catastrophic failures, we achieve…


That’s just it;
They are all achievements.

And in the end, it all accumulates to the same:


…We are the stuff of stars.


I’ve got this poison running deep in my mind, my mind.. (I know you think it’s alright)

Music/title: Wasted On You (feat. ROZES); Louis Futon
_ _


“I’m wasted on you.”

. . … .. …..


Liberating doesn’t begin to cover it.
A twinge of denial, maybe.
I still can’t believe it all. Everything seems so surreal in our lives.

Did you plan this from the start?


A part of me believes I had nothing to do with it. That it was all thanks to others. The bad parts of my mind attempt to latch on- hopes of some form of sabotage..


..the other side.
The part that has drug me through all the blood and tears… That part is proud.
Look at how far you’ve come. ..Look at what you’ve done for yourself..

Aren’t you so happy now?


If I ever believed in a God,
now would be the time to thank him.

/ / /

We keep it going just like we always do, we do..

She said, “Drink that love don’t demand it. ‘Cause baby I can’t stand it when you look so pathetic…”

Music/title: Young Robot; Dance Gavin Dance
_ _


“Feeling like a savage,
You know I gotta have it.”

. ..


I thought I would enjoy firing her.
It was so justified, you know?

But here I am.
Drinking with Dance Gavin Dance.. Reminiscing in 2013.

What am I doing?



Two more months.
I can keep it together for two more months. ..Right?

/ / /

It’s been long time coming..

And I’ve fallen for you… (You’re nothing, you’re nothing)

03.12.16 -0
Music/title: Let’s Fall In Love Some More; Al Bairre
_ _


“…You’re nothing like me.”

. . … .


You are right.
You were there with me through a lot of fucked up shit- But we are separate people.
With separate interests.
And despite how much you love me,
I don’t think you really like me as a person.

You don’t like any of the people I am friends with.
Or the people I date.
Or the choices I make in life-
What is left but the bond from being held hostage together?

I stopped talking to you years ago.
You are the one that wanted to start this again, if you remember.

So maybe it’s better this way after all…


/ / /

Forever, and not at all..