I found the cure to growing older..

01-21-17-6
Music/title: I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy; Fall Out Boy
_ _

 

“You can’t cover it up.”

. …. ..

 

Is it normal to feel this much disappointment?
I mean, I know it’s fairly common, but this is borderline suffocating….

I keep thinking I can hold out. I can make it work!
..Only to be let down once again.

I hate them. ALL of them.
I hope the fucking cunts burn in their sleep.

 

Maybe I’m just jealous.
Jealous that I am not them.
Jealous that I didn’t stay where I belonged….

::sighs::

 

…Can I stop being an adult now?

/ / /

 
It’s so, so fitting…

And forgive me love for wanting you… (Oh you, oh you…..)

002
Music/title: All Choked Up; Say Anything
_ _

 

“Oh can you see me now?”

. .. ….

 

I felt the anger, the frustration all bubbling up inside me.
But there you lay- So small…  So caught up in fighting your inner demons.
I felt it all melting.  Felt the tiny strings of my heart pulling tight with each thought….
Fucking worthless- Piece of insignificant shit.  …How could you?! 

I closed my eyes, pressing my head against yours..
My hands clutched at the base of your neck.
I let my lips find you.
I felt your apathy.  Your hatred.  And I felt every demon.
…I kissed you again.  And again… I felt your seclusion falling away,
And I felt you kiss me back…

 

Is this what it means?
To so strongly love that you cease your own emotions… 

 

08.29.15 [49/52] What will we do when we get old, will we walk down the same road? (…Will you be there, by my side?)

08.29.15
Music/title: Lean On (Major Lazer x DJ Snake feat. MØ cover); Miracles of Modern Science
_ _

 

“The nights are long,
Longing for you to come home…”

. . ..

 

How am I supposed to do this?
How am I supposed to give up my time with you for them?
I was so ready not long ago,
And now I’m doubting every urge within myself.

 

Something tells me I will just know when it’s right, but what if I’m too late?
What if my mind is ready, but my body has far past its limitations?

I fucking hate this.
I hate the urges.  I hate the pressure.  I don’t even fucking WANT them.
YOU are the only reason I want any of this…
Am I so wrong to be terrified that they will take you away?

 

 
Then who would I be?
Surely not the person that created this ‘love’…..
 

/ / /

 
All we need is somebody to lean on..

And now that it’s gone, it’s like it wasn’t there at all…

04.18.12 -1
Music/title: Title and registration; Death Cab for Cutie
_ _
 

She knew.  She didn’t know how, but when her mother’s door opened for the first time in days she just knew.  She heard her mother’s footsteps move into the basement, and it was then that she heard the gasoline dripping off what once was her mother and onto the floor.

 

..It was then she knew she had to escape.

 
60 words of non-fiction; May 2011
Photo taken April, almost exactly a year later.
________

 

I don’t know how to forget,
And I don’t know how to remember..

03.14.15 [25/52] Take your time, and I won’t ask why… (You don’t have to be anyone)


Music/title: Fog; From Indian Lakes
_ _

 

“This is what I imagine the exact opposite of dying to feel like.”

 

. . ….

 

[ I fucking love this.  Is this what you feel all the time?? ]

“No, but it is a good feeling.”

[ I almost didn’t go there.  I was so nervous.. I thought of every excuse as to why I couldn’t.  When, in reality, I was simply scared-  Scared to step outside my comfort zone.  Scared to put myself out there… To face disappointment. ]

 

“My policy is-
Punch your comfort zone in the face.”

 

/ / /

 
“You’re now stuck with that feeling forever..”