And are you happy with what you’ve become…. (Can you tell me loudly?)

05.17.18
Music/title: For The Silent; Say Anything
_ _

 

“It’s not much better than death,
Giving up on everything.”

. .. … .

 

I keep thinking I’ll get lucky.
That just the right person must be out there, somewhere…
I am hopeful.  I am nostalgic.  (I am lonely.)

And it consumes me.

 

Why should I care?
Why should I need them to ‘complete’ myself?
[ Because you’re weak. ]

Faith in humanity… To think that people call this a strength….
It’s a fucking hindrance to my sanity.

. … …

 

Maybe he made me this way,
Maybe this is how I’ve always been..

 

…Does the road traveled really change this outcome?

And forgive me love for wanting you… (Oh you, oh you…..)

002
Music/title: All Choked Up; Say Anything
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“Oh can you see me now?”

. .. ….

 

I felt the anger, the frustration all bubbling up inside me.
But there you lay- So small…  So caught up in fighting your inner demons.
I felt it all melting.  Felt the tiny strings of my heart pulling tight with each thought….
Fucking worthless- Piece of insignificant shit.  …How could you?! 

I closed my eyes, pressing my head against yours..
My hands clutched at the base of your neck.
I let my lips find you.
I felt your apathy.  Your hatred.  And I felt every demon.
…I kissed you again.  And again… I felt your seclusion falling away,
And I felt you kiss me back…

 

Is this what it means?
To so strongly love that you cease your own emotions… 

 

Feelings choke me (Don’t let me leave without a word). You are timeless (I’ll never give in). And I am a fool in love with time…

07.12.14 -1-edit

Music/title: All Choked Up; Say Anything
_ _
 

[ And when I see him, I want them again and again… ]

 
/ / /

I want to give him everything he’s ever thought about having with me when we were just friends.  I want to drown myself in the feel of him; the taste of his skin.  I want to violently shake him, screaming and crying out, “I love you, take it all from me!” until I can’t breathe anymore.  I want to give him children-  This, the one thing I swore I’d never give anyone, not even myself…..

 
I’ve never wanted this before, why can’t I swallow these feelings now?

 

11.23.12 [332] And what can their small words say when they say them that way?

11.23.12
 
Music/title: Belt; Say Anything
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And I’d like to throw everything to into the wind now.. To take off. Let’s live in our cars; on the road ..taking everything we can while we’re still young. Let’s live like we’re never gonna die- Our invincible blood holding each other together every step of the way. And when, and only when, we’re good and ready.. let’s come back. To our beds. To the lives that we’d built for ourselves…
Let’s die peacefully; knowing we truly did live.
 
 
/ / /
 
Some days words and exposed skin are what I do best.
And some days I don’t really know what I’m doing..

 

09.24.12 [272] And you’d hold me. I’d remind you who you are… Under their shell..

09.24.12
 
Music/title: A Walk Through Hell; Say Anything
_ _
 
 
I used to say I wanted to live a pointless, meaningless life.
 
“Life may be pointless, but it’s not meaningless.
..life is definitely not meaningless.”

 
*stares out at the lake*
I kinda want to throw a rock out there..
-to say I changed something.
 
*digs rock out of bench*
“..Here.” *smiles*

 
 
/ / /
 
&& we watched as all the ripples changed just for us. ♥