Music/title: I Want To Know Your Plans; Say Anything
“When they pour out to paper, it’s all for you.”
. .. .
I miss you too.
I’m trying.. Really, I am.
I know it doesn’t seem like it, but the effort is there… Somewhere..
Hidden beneath all the spreadsheets and grocery lists..
Somewhere there exists a spark..
And I’m going to find it.
/ / /
I want to know your plans and how involved in them I am..
Music/title: Caviar Dreams; Al Bairre (Feat. PHFat)
“Lead me through your harmony;
We’ll sew this so your soul can breathe…”
.. .. .
It surely is a dream.
Nothing could feel this good.
For the first time in my life it doesn’t hurt.
I’m not inflamed.
It doesn’t itch. Or feel dry.
My skin isn’t covered in sores and blisters from my moments of weakness.
For the first time in my life I feel human.
To think, an eleven year old changed my life.
..What were you doing at eleven?
If you’d told me 15 years ago that I’d have this level of peace with my disease,
I’d say you were fucking nuts.
I wish I could meet Lani Lazzari,
If only to fully explain the life-changing-impact her invention has had on me.
My skin can feel like home.
/ / /
You’d been wading in the deep, dancing through your downfall…
Music/title: Some Assembly Required; Abhi The Nomad (ft. Foster)
“Is my pleasure, divine center.”
Three deep, so far so good.
It’s different this time.
Everything is getting less complicated.
I’m afraid to get too comfortable.
Seems there’s always something to drag me down.
But.. Maybe not.
Maybe that’s what they mean by growth?
We can only grow from experiences.
We can only learn from living-
From the success to the catastrophic failures, we achieve…
That’s just it;
They are all achievements.
And in the end, it all accumulates to the same:
…We are the stuff of stars.
Music/title: End Credits; EDEN
“Cause happy endings hardest to fake.”
. . ….
It didn’t sting nearly as much this time..
[ We did her a favor, really. ]
The colder it gets, the easier it becomes-
But you’d never guess.
I’ll bet you think I don’t have a heartless bone in my body.
That’s where you’d be wrong.
/ / /
So let’s run..
Label This Love; From Indian Lakes
“You belong in your own skin.”
Nothing to say this week, only to show…
/ / /
Am I still clean enough?
Music/title: Selfish; The Reverb Junkie
“Well now you know,
Now you know.”
. .. ..
The beginning is always easy.
/ / /
“Oh, if I knew you were a…”
Music/title: Don’t Fuck This Up; Andrew Applepie
“I swear I’m not trying to fuck you up.”
I saw myself in her;
A former self-
A truly dedicated slave.
Surely she’s still alive in there.
The older I get, the further away it becomes.
A more distant dream.
One I used to have, to want daily..
Where did it go?
Who have I become?
It’s okay if I like the changes, right?
[ You know you could always ask him.
He knows more about you than you think.
..Don’t forget how this all began. ]
/ / /
Good Mythical Morning.
Music/title: Brazil; Declan McKenna
…What have I become?
. . ..
Each holiday with him feels more as it should’ve growing up.
/ / /
I miss creating my little frozen pieces of time.
Admittedly, I’m considering another photo project here-
Show of hands who would be in favor of this in the coming year?
Music/title: Atlas; Good Kid
“She said she was nothing but eager.”
. . .. ..
This is out of character.
But isn’t everything lately?
I mean honestly, what hasn’t changed?
I tell myself I will be complete when X happens, but X never comes, does it?
We never reach the end; The course never goes as planned..
And we’re not the character we intended to become.
/ / /
Then you said you said you said you said you said…
Music/title: Freaky Love; Captain Kidd
Recurring Siamese dream-
Illuminate hallucinations burnt into the back of your mind..”
. . .. .
I see the remnants of the fire, but where is the spark?
The slow down is building.
The desire is fueling,
But I can’t seem to ignite.
“And what I need
Is your body
(Your freaky love)”