02.03.18 [5/52] You’re what keeps me believing the world’s not gone dead; Strength in my bones put the words in my head… (Cause that’s what you do, That’s what you do)

Music/title: I Want To Know Your Plans; Say Anything
_ _


“When they pour out to paper, it’s all for you.”

. .. .


I miss you too.

I’m trying.. Really, I am.
I know it doesn’t seem like it, but the effort is there… Somewhere..
Hidden beneath all the spreadsheets and grocery lists..
Somewhere there exists a spark..


And I’m going to find it.


/ / /

I want to know your plans and how involved in them I am..

01.20.18 [3/52] And all we ever wanted was sunlight and honesty- Highlights to wanna repeat.. But this is how it goes; The end credits—they roll.. (This bridge was built over kerosene)

Music/title: End Credits; EDEN
_ _


“Cause happy endings hardest to fake.”

. . ….


It didn’t sting nearly as much this time..
[ We did her a favor, really. ]

The colder it gets, the easier it becomes-
But you’d never guess.

– –

I’ll bet you think I don’t have a heartless bone in my body.


That’s where you’d be wrong.

/ / /

So let’s run..

You don’t impress me (admit it) You don’t intimidate me (admit it)- Why don’t you bow down, get on the ground, WALK THIS FUCKING PLANK (YEAH!)

Music/title: Admit It!; Say Anything
_ _


“Cause I’m proud of my life and the things that I have done;
Proud of myself and the loner I’ve become.”

. . … …. .


I’ve never cried at a concert before.

I’ve never felt such a connection with a band as this.
Perhaps it’s his lyrics.
Perhaps it’s his own bi-polar disorder’s pertinence to my mother.
Maybe he makes me hate her just a little bit less..


Seventeen years, two days, and fifty-four songs later-
Max Bemis still performs each and every note as if it’s his first.

The emotion portrayed was breathtaking,
and with his final ‘Walk Through Hell’ I couldn’t help myself…


/ / /

And I say yeah (what do you..)

03.14.15 [25/52] Take your time, and I won’t ask why… (You don’t have to be anyone)

Music/title: Fog; From Indian Lakes
_ _


“This is what I imagine the exact opposite of dying to feel like.”


. . ….


[ I fucking love this.  Is this what you feel all the time?? ]

“No, but it is a good feeling.”

[ I almost didn’t go there.  I was so nervous.. I thought of every excuse as to why I couldn’t.  When, in reality, I was simply scared-  Scared to step outside my comfort zone.  Scared to put myself out there… To face disappointment. ]


“My policy is-
Punch your comfort zone in the face.”


/ / /

“You’re now stuck with that feeling forever..”

“Take me again,” she said, thinking of him. And now and again she’s afraid when the sun returns..

12.19.13 -2
Music/title: Swans and The Swimming; Iron & Wine
_ _
We will always go back to those days. The days when we were just friends. When things were beyond complicated. We’ll be eighty years old yelling at each other about who should’ve done what, and why one did the other. I’ll never forget the first time I kissed him. We had both stayed up to the point of exhaustion again. I could feel his desire for me clinging to my skin from across the room. The way he looked at me…. My god. It was as if someone had the lit the room on fire, but he was blind to it. He could feel the heat and knew there would be relief, if only he could get closer to me…
I pulled away from our hug goodbye, staring up into those wanting eyes.
I didn’t want him to go. And I could see that neither did he. I could smell him. I could feel him.
A thousand times over his body screamed how it wanted me.
[ Arden…. I really want to kiss you. ]
That was all it took.
I remember his body shaking.
I remember the kiss was not what I had expected.
…Like he’d never kissed anyone before.
He pulled back, with a look of bliss and confusion slapped across his face.
I stood there for a moment, thinking about it.
[ No. That’s not right. We need to do that again. ]
I pressed my body into him.
I pressed my lips soft and hard back against his.
I made him feel my desire for him in that very moment.
And he threw everything he had back at me..
.. . ..
I s’pose you could say this was the start of it all..
But how do we know when anything really begins?