Our house is falling over- Don’t drown me, I’m underwater. Let’s call this whole thing over… (Why are you here?)


Music/title: Just a Like Song; Al Bairre
_ _

 

“Upside down,
Inside out..
(Anywhere you wanna be)”

. . … .

 

[ But I’m not qualified for anything. ]

“You’re always saying that.”

[ What am I qualified for then? ]

“….”


 

Decisions.
Change.
Good or bad.
Right or wrong.

I hate choice.
I want to be told what to do-
I want subservience;
To be a slave.

– –
 

But, darling… You wear the mask so well.

/ / /

 

Disbanded treats.
Thank you, Al Bairre. <3
 

My life, my love, my drive, it came from… Pain! (You made me a, you made me a believer, believer)


Music/title: Believer; Imagine Dragons
_ _

 

“Don’t you tell me what you think that I can be.”

… . .

 

Again.
and Again. and Again.
It’s what you want, right?
Your goals quickly coming to an end.

Who will you be now?
What will inflict the pain you so desire?

. . 

“You made me a,
You made me a believer.”

/ / /

 
Never ending shifting.
The changes are so frequent lately I can’t keep up.
But we’re happy if we’re not paying too close attention to the detail, right?

Happy…

 

Yes.
I do believe I am.

Oh, these soft legged girls, and hard faced boys…. (Do you wish to feel complete?)

01-21-17-0
Music/title: We Are The Sound; Alexisonfire
_ _

 

“Say you want it, you need it.”

. ..

 
If only my heart could harden to match yours.

Perhaps you saw the coldness inside of me first-
Why do I feel such a compulsion to watch you at your best?

Perhaps I am still trying to outdo the darkness living inside..
Something to truly brings me to my knees.

. .

Isn’t that all I ever want?
To serve?
To be your slave?

Through sickness,
Through their death.

. . 
 

I don’t know who I am anymore.

/ / /

 
There is nothing but anger burning inside of me..

I’m sick of words that hang above my head- What about the kid? (It’s time the kid got FREE)

01-13-17-0
Music/title: Sleepless Club (WEKEED Boot); Lorde vs Flume
_ _

 

Take the pill, make it too real.
The other day I forgot my old address. I’m sitting pretty on the throne.
There’s nothing more I want, except to be alone..

. . ….. … ..

 

“There was no real sense of life,
because she had nothing to contrast it with.
The lower you fall, the higher you’ll fly.
The farther you run, the more God wants you back.

Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved.”

~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

 

/ / /

 

It’s a day for words and curves.
Where do you see yourself at the end of your life?

Comment for me.

 

05.23.15 [35/52] Can you save, Can you save my… Can you save my heavy dirty soul? (For me, for me, oh)


Music/title: Heavydirtysoul; Twenty One Pilots
_ _

 

Isn’t it always this way?

. .. . ..

 

Most of the time it blends together.
Each session running into the next- But this… This time..
God, to be in that moment again..

Your nails digging unforgivingly into my hips,
My own body completely crushed beneath the weight of you-
Convulsion, after convulsion, after convulsion,
It’s always this way..

 

And I am never more complete, when completely without control.

 
/ / /

 
Oh, oh, I’m falling..

I took them down, I broke down every thought as if they were mine…

04.04.15 -2
Music/title: We Follow; From Indian Lakes
_ _

 

“I don’t know anything at all…”

. … ..

 

Here I am
Still finding myself consumed by them, my own treacherous thoughts..
But there you are- Holding me firmly; comforting every single fiber of my being..

“At the end of the day… I have you.”

.. …

My Dear Love,

I want to be broken.
I want you to take me apart.
I want to feel the pieces shift, relentlessly shattering to the floor.
I want to be consumed by my own insignificance-

To have you build everything back as it was.. Only better than before.

.. ….
 
Oh, my Dear Sir,

 
Break me yet again. ….for I need to feel complete.

 

Make me up, Make me up- Oh, this is how you remember me..

03.23.14
 
Music/title: Schoolboy; Grouplove
_ _
 
 
There are so many firsts with you.
I feel like I’ve never been in a relationship before.
I feel like I’ve never kissed or touched another person.
 
Everything is so different. And even though the darkness inside me is still crawling to the surface, I see you. I see you still understanding every inch of me. I see you wanting to hold me and tell me you love me just before pushing me to the ground.
 
I feel sorry and sad for myself for still feeling these things, after all you’ve done and all I’ve accomplished in my life. And maybe it’ll never go away. Maybe it’s a part of me. Maybe it’s all that’s left of my childhood. But I think it’s okay…
 
Because you’re there.
Because you make it hurt less.
Because you are the only reason I’ve ever been able to keep in wanting my happiness.
 
. .. . . .
 
 
Maybe it’s not so sad after all.

06.29.13 [003] And all your love as we were; we were born to fuck each other. One way or another… (but I’ll only lie)

06.29.13
 
Music/title: Evening On The Ground (Lilith’s Song); Iron & Wine
_ _
 
 
You know that feeling when you do something wrong and you don’t get caught?
 
[ Yes. ]
 
Well, you know how you have to keep doing something
wrong until you get caught to make that feeling go away?
 
[ Yes. ]
 
That’s where she lives.
She needs to fail..
 
.. . .. .
 
 
Possibly the most simple, yet beautiful explanation of my submission I’ve yet to hear from anyone.
 
/ / /
 
 
Today….
I feel desperate.
I feel angry- full of rage and hate.
 
And I’m not sure what to think of myself at this point anymore..
 

Oh, my sweet little girl.. Hold your mouth and you’ll be alright.

06.16.13
 
Music/title: Currents Convulsive; Pierce the Veil
_ _
 
 
I was going to post this Sunday morning. I was going to say this pair of underwear started everything that happened over the course of this weekend. But I know better.
 
Sometimes we have to break ourselves entirely to build back up to where we need to be.
I needed this more than either of us had even begun to realize.
 
Now everything feels as though it has been put back in place.
I feel at home again, and I wonder how I ever got as far away as I did..
 
 
/ / /
 
 
Awake for over 30 hours when I’d taken this.
It fit perfectly, and, if I’d had more time, I would’ve posted then.