01.27.18 [4/52] ‘Cause we could hold our sights so close, or we could chase our heroes… (And I’ve been here before)

Music/title: Caviar Dreams; Al Bairre (Feat. PHFat)
_ _


“Lead me through your harmony;
We’ll sew this so your soul can breathe…”

.. .. .


It surely is a dream.
Nothing could feel this good.


For the first time in my life it doesn’t hurt.
I’m not inflamed.
It doesn’t itch. Or feel dry.
My skin isn’t covered in sores and blisters from my moments of weakness.
For the first time in my life I feel human.

To think, an eleven year old changed my life.
..What were you doing at eleven?

If you’d told me 15 years ago that I’d have this level of peace with my disease,
I’d say you were fucking nuts.


I wish I could meet Lani Lazzari,
If only to fully explain the life-changing-impact her invention has had on me.


My skin can feel like home.

/ / /

You’d been wading in the deep, dancing through your downfall…

You don’t impress me (admit it) You don’t intimidate me (admit it)- Why don’t you bow down, get on the ground, WALK THIS FUCKING PLANK (YEAH!)

Music/title: Admit It!; Say Anything
_ _


“Cause I’m proud of my life and the things that I have done;
Proud of myself and the loner I’ve become.”

. . … …. .


I’ve never cried at a concert before.

I’ve never felt such a connection with a band as this.
Perhaps it’s his lyrics.
Perhaps it’s his own bi-polar disorder’s pertinence to my mother.
Maybe he makes me hate her just a little bit less..


Seventeen years, two days, and fifty-four songs later-
Max Bemis still performs each and every note as if it’s his first.

The emotion portrayed was breathtaking,
and with his final ‘Walk Through Hell’ I couldn’t help myself…


/ / /

And I say yeah (what do you..)

Remember last year when you told me, to always stay here and never leave me.. (The light from your eyes made it feel like we-e-e-e were dancing in the moonlight)

Music/title: Moonlight; Grace Vanderwaal
_ _


“These will be a life long stories.”

. . …


Four days and counting.
If you could see me now..

My life- In boxes again.
But this time I am making a home for myself.
I am creating everything that you took from me.

I am in control.


And you won’t ever take it from me again.

Black Beatles in the city, be back immediately- Sent flowers, but you said you didn’t receive them.. (Said you didn’t need them)

Music/title: Black Beatles; Our Last Night
_ _


“There is nothing to explain.”

. . …

Only two more weeks until I hit refresh on this life.

Sometimes I wish I had parents to see how far I’ve progressed.
And it’s time like these that I miss her. Or the idea of her, at least.

I wonder if she’s sane enough to feel regret.


I wonder if I truly care anymore.

Nothing gonna get me in my world…. (I wanna get me free!)

Music/title: Dreams; Beck
_ _


“Ahhhh, here we are…
Running circles around around around around.”

. … ..


I’ve never been quite this close.
Just the taste of it- Christ.
I’ve wanted this for so long.
Dreamed about it.
Prayed, even.

All pieces are fitting so perfectly.
My puzzle.
My world.
My bubble- Almost complete.

So much work;
So many awful experiences just to get to this moment.
I truly have dreamed of a place to call home.

…And it’s finally within my grasp.

/ / /


Oh just you wait and see.