Break it up now, break it up now, break it up- Oh, let’s break down…

08.23.13 -1
 
Music/title: Mining For Diamonds // Beach Binaural Beatbox Version; THePETEBOX w/Swimming
_ _
 
 
Sex has always been a way to feel used-
An escape for the other, darker side of me.
An accepted form of self destruction.
 
Even when it seems ‘normal’ on the outside, inside I’m really turning everything that’s happening against me. I’m imagining their hands are touching me only because they want to- Because they can, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I imagine being a slave to the person.. Used whenever they need.
I imagine rape..
 
But this…
 
. .. . ……
 
 
“I think you’re changing a bit, Bettina.”
 
[ Oh? ]
 
“Yeah. Not drastically, but a bit..
We just had sex in a way that people ‘make love’
…And you enjoyed it.”

 
[ ::wells up with tears:: …I didn’t realize- I’ve never done that..
. …. ..

 
I think I just let myself feel happy, Arden.. ]
 
 
/ / /
 
 
Thank you for making me feel something I thought was next to impossible to feel in my life.