09.19.15 [52/52] My heart is my armor- She’s the tear in my heart, she’s a carver. She’s a butcher with a smile, cut me farther… (Than I’ve ever been)

09.19.15
Music/title: Tear In My Heart; Twenty One Pilots
_ _

Dear Arden,


You once told me that you wanted to make me happier
than anything else on this planet. 
You said that from the day we met,
you wanted me to be as happy with *myself* as you are with me.
And maybe that’s what I’ve actually been searching for…
Not someone to fill this persistent void I hold inside, but, instead..
Someone to encourage me in accepting it.

You are what drives me-
What pulls me to keep demanding more from life.

And you are the *only* reason I’ve ever been able to keep
in wanting my own happiness…

I love you, Arden.. More than anything else.
You don’t have to fight for me for anymore,
Because I’m here. And I’m ready to spend the rest of my life with you,
My best friend.

 

::breathes deep::   …And here we go.

 
I’ll see you all in a month…  ;]

 

 

05.02.15 [32/52] And in the midst of this self-inflicting pain, I can see my beautiful rescue…


Music/title: My Beautiful Rescue; This Providence
_ _

 

“I should’ve known from day one.”

. …. .

 

I wasn’t ready..
But some days I think it was best.
Some days I try to imagine it any other way,
And I get stuck in this endless loop.. “What if, what it?”

I didn’t know that day, but you did..
You watched me, waiting- Holding your heart in your hands for so long.
I watched you love me like I’d never seen anyone love another..
And I took it all for granted.
 

Here I thought I’d never feel love like that.  I never thought I’d find my own heart pound out of my chest, the way yours always did.. But here I am. Here we are, three years later..

 

..I’m ready now.

 

/ / /

 
Wash my hands, these bloody hands…